


This Smacks of Rainbows

by darkgaaraluver



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon Compliant, Character Death In Dream, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, It's super mild though, M/M, Matchmaker Kuroo Tetsurou, Matchmaker Suga, Minor Injuries, Minor Neglect, Oc's as teammates, Past Child Death, Pining, Pre-Canon, Reincarnation, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2019-06-07 16:03:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 61,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15222737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkgaaraluver/pseuds/darkgaaraluver
Summary: Akaashi never wanted a soulmate. He didn't know what it was to see in colors, so it wasn't as if he'd miss them. His whole world spins on it's head with one smack.





	1. Is this a Soulmate?

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very belated birthday present to Dove from my old writing group the CSG. I seriously can't even express to them how much they've all meant to me and helped me. I've had this first chapter written for awhile and a large chunk of the next as well. The original idea was to finish them all and then post it complete, but with out some sort of kick in the ass it was never going to get done. I'm hoping posting it gives me that kick. I want to make sure it all gets done not just for Dove, but for all of them for what they've done and all the time they've taken to beta this story in particular.

 

Akaashi never thought much of this whole soulmate business. His parents weren’t soulmates and they got along perfectly well. He didn’t understand what the big deal about the colors were either. He figured it wouldn’t matter if he never saw them because he’d never seen them and therefore couldn’t miss them.

 

All his life the people around him had been obsessed with finding The One. Most of Akaashi’s friendships had ended when he’d failed to express any interest in finding his or talking about others’ mates. Some people were born seeing the colors. Nobody was sure why this was. Whether they had just met their soulmates as babies too young to express the difference or if they just didn’t have a Soulmate so fate allowed them to see on their own. These people were always insanely popular and well-talked about. Akaashi could not have cared less.

 

In middle school he needed an extracurricular activity and chose volleyball. He had no idea that mostly random choice would change his life.

 

It was the one place he could be where people weren’t always obsessing over their Soulmates because there wasn’t time. Everyone was too focused on the goal in front of them. Akaashi didn’t play a whole bunch in those years and those games but the exertion and camaraderie that came from the practices and watching the games hooked him. He’d never felt that connected to people before then. Had never really felt as needed as he did when he was setting to someone.

 

Back then all his friendships stayed on the court.

 

When it came time to choose a high school he couldn’t help but to take volleyball into account. His mom wasn’t thrilled with how much his choice relied on that but his dad didn’t care. It’s not like the academics were bad.

 

All day people had been trying to catch Akaashi’s eye in the hopes that he was their Soulmate. Akaashi had been doing his best to stay away from everyone in an effort to avoid all the talk about Soulmates. Since it was the first day at a new school and everyone was surrounded by strangers, talk of Soulmates were at an all-time high. He’d personally seen three different couples matched while walking through the hallways. It made him really uncomfortable. You could always tell who got matched right away. They’d blink and squint and gape around themselves as if they had never seen the place before. Then they’d lock eyes again with the person they’d seen that triggered it. Then they’d probably hug, or kiss in some cases. Yell about how happy they were in most cases.

 

It was with great relief that Akaashi made it to the gym after school.

 

When he stood outside the gym doors he gave a heavy sigh. _Finally a piece of normality_ ran through his mind. Then he opened the doors.

 

As soon as Akaashi stepped through the doors of the gym he lifted his head up and met _eyes_. The most expressive sparking Gold eyes he’d ever seen. Gold? How did he know- The eyes widened in shock and panic and the next thing Akaashi knew was pain and darkness.

  
  
  


When Akaashi came to he was relieved to be faced with a view of pure white. He angrily pushed down the small part of him that was disappointed. He allowed himself an angry and pained sigh as he felt the throbbing in his face and back of his head travel up behind his eyes. He slowly sat up, eyes closed, hand still over his face.

 

When he was able to open his eyes again he was still met with only black and white. He’d had a brief flash of panic sitting up that maybe things would be different when he reopened his eyes. It wasn’t. He did see that he was in the nurse’s office. He must’ve gotten hit by a stray ball when he stepped inside. Maybe the force of the ball hitting his face made him THINK he saw colors?

 

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud snore to his left.

 

His head whipped around so fast he thought he heard his neck crack.

 

Color. Blue shirt and lightly tanned skin. The pink tint on his cheeks. The glimpse of red as he opened his mouth and snored again. There was also the familiar white and black of shorts and shoes and even hair, but everything seemed more nuanced than usual when compared to the color.

 

Akaashi couldn’t believe it. He blinked and blinked, but the colors never faded. Only seemed to get more vivid the longer he looked at them. And no one ever spoke of the inherent knowledge waiting perched on the edge of his consciousness to provide him with answers as soon as he thought the questions. He just seemed to KNOW the names of the colors as if he’d been familiar with them all his life.

 

Akaashi spent several minutes staring at the boy before he was even able to concentrate on anything but the colors. He looked slightly older and his hair was crazy and… Was this seriously his Soulmate? He’d never really gotten crushes on anyone before so it wasn’t unlikely that his Soulmate was a boy, but.

 

But he’d never wanted this. Never asked or wished for this. He didn’t know how to depend on people or be around them all the time. He was always alone. Usually by choice. A Soulmate would want him around right? What if the opposite was true for this boy? What if he hated having Akaashi for a Soulmate? They didn’t know each other at all. People were always calling him quiet or anti-social.

 

In all his thinking Akaashi had stopped staring and was cradling his head in his hands. Due to this he didn’t see when Bokuto woke up.

 

“Hey hey hey! Are you alright? I didn’t mean to hit you, sorry!”

 

Akaashi’s head snapped up to look at him. He was sucked in by those same eyes as before. They seemed to see right through to his very soul. The sparks from earlier had dulled down to a calmer warm glow. For a split second Akaashi could see why this boy was his Soulmate. Could see himself living the rest of his life staring into those eyes. Could feel a physical connection between them and his very being.

 

Then he blinked and the moment was gone. He was just a boy sitting on a nurses bed looking at a stranger that was meant to be the other half of him. He hoped his face hadn’t given away his thoughts.

 

He made a mental note that the boy had a volume issue. He had no idea that that would be the first mental note in a long journal of Bokuto’s quirks.

 

Akaashi pushed all his thoughts down to concentrate on the moment. “Who are you?”

 

“Bokuto Koutaro! second year class 1! You’re one of the new members right?!” He seemed to move with a barely suppressed energy even after just waking up, leaning forward to get closer to his target, tipping his head in question.

 

Akaashi swallowed as subtly as he could at having all that attention focused on him. “I’m Akaashi Keiji, first year class 6. I’m not sure I’d count as a new member yet, having not gotten in the door.”

 

Bokuto seemed to deflate like a popped balloon, falling back against the back of his chair. “I _am_ really sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you. I was distracted by the door opening. Are you okay? You were out for a while. The nurse said it looked like there was no permanent damage and to have you take those when you woke up.”

 

He pointed to two white pills next to a plastic cup of water on the nightstand next to Akaashi. Akaashi berated himself internally for having missed it as he took the pills.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Akaashi followed behind Bokuto back toward the gym. He used this opportunity to admire Bokuto’s broad shoulders as they moved under his shirt. He supposed he could have ended up with a worse soulmate. It was as he was looking at the arms that’d hit that shot that knocked him out that something occurred to him.

 

“Bokuto-san what position do you play?” Akaashi kept his face impassive as Bokuto seemed to light up and turned so far around that he was almost walking backwards, his eyes bulging in excitement as he started speaking, giving him the impression of a startled owl.

 

“I’m the best wing spiker! I’m going to be the Ace! You just watch me I’m the best!” His whole body seemed to radiate a determination that Akaashi couldn’t even begin to parse.

 

Akaashi furrowed his eyebrows. Something about the way Bokuto talked was mildly concerning.  Akaashi couldn’t really pinpoint why, it just left him with a foreboding feeling in the pit of his stomach. “Do you think this will impact your playing? I don’t know how all of this will change mine.”

 

Bokuto spun all the way around to face him, his body meeting up with his head and shoulders as he jolted to a complete stop. His face now more filled with panic than excitement. “DID I HURT YOU THAT BADLY?! YOU DON’T HAVE TO COME BACK TO PRACTICE! WILL YOU EVER PLAY AGAIN?!? OH NOOO-”

 

He was now pulling his own hair in agony and darting his head around everywhere looking for an answer.

 

Akaashi was distantly glad he was distracted. He couldn’t hear what exactly he was saying anymore, Bokuto’s voice fading into a static noise. He barely felt his whole face drop and his eyes widen.

 

Bokuto…. Bokuto hadn’t noticed anything. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened to him. He hadn’t noticed. He didn’t-he hadn’t gained his colors. For a second the whole world spun and Akaashi tried to orient himself.

 

He’d assumed that Bokuto had noticed right away and that’s why he’d waited for him at the nurse's office. That he’d had time to process it while Akaashi had been unconscious and that’s why he was so worried about him when he’d woken up. But he wasn’t freaking out because _he wasn’t Akaashi’s soulmate._

 

Akaashi forcefully shut his mouth where it had fallen open in shock and physically shook himself to snap out of it. He clenched his fists and ground his teeth, but blinked twice to regain his neutral expression and addressed Bokuto with a calm voice. His thoughts racing to find an excuse. “Calm down Bokuto-san. I didn’t mean physically. I’m fine. I meant how this would affect our ability to sync tosses. I’m a setter. I’ll be too busy worrying your spike is going to hit me in the face again to toss to you properly. Possibly.”

 

Bokuto froze exactly as he was and slowly turned to face Akaashi again. Then he slowly put his hands down. When Akaashi was done he blinked hard once. Twice. Three times.

 

Then he grinned. The grin split his face to show all his teeth. His eyelids lowered to half-mast in satisfaction, but didn’t dim the maniacally happy glint in his gold eyes.

 

Akaashi felt his breath catch and had to will himself to breath again.

 

“HEY HEY HEY! I didn’t know you were a setter! We haven’t had a new setter since the year before I joined! You should toss for me!”

 

Akaashi closed his eyes briefly and let out an exasperated puff of air. “We’ll see Bokuto-san, but we have to get to practice first at the very least.”

 

Bokuto jumped up and turned around, immediately heading back for the gym at a fast walk.

 

Akaashi followed behind at the same pace he’d been going, letting Bokuto take the lead. Each of his steps now felt like lead was attached to his legs. He still couldn’t believe this. Were the walls moving towards him? Was this the universe's punishment for his disdain in the face of the popularity of soulmates? He had just started thinking maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be stuck with someone, _this someone,_ forever. That maybe it’d be nice to have someone just for him. But no. He was bound to be a rare case of an unrequited soulmate. Bokuto could never know. Not Ever.

 

If he found out he could be the type of guy who would want to give it a go out of pity. Or he could be disgusted. Or miserable even. Akaashi having an unrequited soulbond to him meant that Bokuto was more likely to have problems with his actual soulmate. What if he already had a different soulmate? Platonic or romantic Akaashi couldn’t see them being happy with this type of situation.

 

It was better for all involved if he just kept it hidden. He’d have to stay as far away from Bokuto after this as he could. The closer they got the more likely that the truth would come out. The thought brought a strange sadness rising up in Akaashi. He didn’t hardly even know Bokuto, so why did the thought of staying far away from him hurt so much? He was glad Bokuto was so far ahead of him because he couldn’t stop his hand as it made its way up to his chest as if to contain the perceived pain. He just had to keep thinking of his parents. They weren’t soulmates and they were fine. He was only just able to blink back the oncoming tears.

 

Darkness seemed to be encroaching on the edges of his vision. His breaths were coming in short bursts. He purposefully took in two deep lungfuls of air, but was cut off halfway through the third when he ran right into Bokuto’s back. He was knocked off balance and grabbed Bokuto’s shoulder on instinct as he almost fell. Bokuto turned to grin at him and Akaashi took his hand off like it burned him.

 

When he looked past Bokuto’s shoulder he could see why he’d stopped. He’d gotten to the gym and thrown open the doors in a big grand entrance. Now that he wasn’t thinking so hard Akaashi was once again blindsided by all the colors. The hallways had been mostly white. But here he could see all the tones in people’s hair and skin. The colors of the volleyballs as they flew through the air. Even the wood of the floor was a new sensation. Akaashi blinked once slowly in an effort not to show any reaction.

 

When people noticed the big entrance they all stopped what they were doing and turned toward where the coach and a couple other boys were sitting. Bokuto scratched his head in confusion but headed over toward the bench. Akaashi heard him mumble under his breath, “Captain must have called a meeting.”

 

“Oh Akaashi!” Bokuto turned back toward him when they were about halfway to the bench. “Make sure you stand with the other first-years okay? It should be the biggest group since this is the first practice of the year! Usually only regular players practice in this gym and non-regular players have a separate schedule in a different gym, but they like to scope out the new members first practice. ”

 

Akaashi just nodded and followed after him. He wondered how much he’d missed being passed out in the nurse's office and if they’d even consider him for a regular spot after that. Although, if he was the only setter who’d joined since two years ago, he might have a chance. It was strange about the setters, but Akaashi guessed that a school with the reputation that Fukurodani had would attract mainly spikers. His eyes wandered over to Bokuto’s arms again. How good was Bokuto to have been a starting spiker his first year?

 

Akaashi broke off from Bokuto as he headed toward the handful of second years and joined the large group of first years. Up by the coach was a boy Akaashi took to be the captain and two other third years.

 

“Alright, listen up! I told you all earlier but in case you missed it, I’m your captain Mimizuku! Now! The reason I had us wait til Bokuto got back. As some of you know our Ace last year, Amachi, graduated. As such the next strongest spiker on our team inherits the title and number 4 jersey. The obvious choice this year was Bokuto, so congratulations!”

 

Akaashi saw that while the captain was putting up a good front of supporting Bokuto’s advancement the other two third years didn’t look so happy. The one next to the captain was scowling at the floor, the other looking at him apprehensively. Worriedly Akaashi glanced over at Bokuto. He was jumping up and down high-fiving the other second years who were laughingly playing along. He seemed to be lit from within by an inner fire. A fierce determination shining through his eyes.

 

The captain cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention over the high-fiving and the first year’s polite clapping. “As for you first years. We do have a full line up at present, but there are a couple of you we’ll have continuing practicing with us for a bit. However, the exception to this is-” He looks down at a paper in his hand, Akaashi thought it looked like a club membership application. “Akaashi Keiji. Currently Blakistoni is our only setter. He’ll be leaving at the end of the year and Akaashi is the only one to put setter on his application so he’ll be training as a backup setter and possible replacement for Blakistoni at the end of the year.”

 

Akaashi wasn’t sure how he felt about only getting on the team by default but he accepted his fellow first years scattered clapping with a nod. When he glanced over at Bokuto he saw that he was aiming a double thumbs-up at him with his same big cheesy grin. His actions had even caused a couple of the other second years to shoot him a thumbs up too.

 

Akaashi felt a surge of warmth flow through him, and couldn’t help it when he felt his lips pull up in a smile back at Bokuto. He was such a unique person and Akaashi was so fucked.

 

When Bokuto saw Akaashi’s smile he dropped his own to stare at him like he was looking at an awe-inspiring sunrise for the first time.

 

Akaashi didn’t notice, too wrapped up in his own thoughts.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The practices were hard. As soon as the year started practice for interhighs started. Akaashi’s middle school hadn’t been a powerhouse school so he wasn’t used to this level of intensity. But somehow when Akaashi could see his own progress it made it worth it. He didn’t talk much to his teammates, focusing more on keeping up and avoiding Bokuto’s never-ending requests for toss’s.

 

The only person he had prolonged conversations with was Blakistoni when he was helping Akaashi with his setting. He was a good setter and a good teacher. He did everything very methodically and thought through as many possible outcomes as possible to prepare for the most likely. His downside seemed to be when spikers didn’t do what he thought they’d do, or when they tried new things without telling him, it seemed to anger him quite a bit, which could throw him off. Akaashi heard it whispered among the team that Blakistoni could predict the former ace’s movements to a truly terrifying level, almost 100% of the time. It was easy for Akaashi to see why Bokuto and he might not get along. There was also an underlying tension to him that Akaashi couldn’t seem to get a read on, but that bothered him quite a bit.

 

Whenever the thought crossed Akaashi’s mind that something might be missing he just worked that much harder to fill the void.

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  


When Akaashi heard about the weekend practice games with the rest of the Fukurodani Academy Group he was nervous. He wasn’t sure he’d even be playing in any games, but between being around all those powerhouse schools and spending the night is such close quarters to not just Bokuto, but the rest of the team as well, he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t sure why Bokuto kept wanting to talk to him, and have him toss for him, but he was running out of ideas for avoiding him.

 

Once the bus pulled into the Nekoma parking lot, Akaashi was treated to a surprise. Bokuto barely waited for the bus to come to a complete stop before he was jumping out. Akaashi could see that a tall black haired boy broke off from the Nekoma group that was standing in the parking lot and was also running toward the bus and Bokuto.

 

Akaashi was sitting near the front of the bus in a single seat and was one of the first off after Bokuto. He told himself he wasn’t rushing so he could see what was going on but he knew it was a lie. Everything about Bokuto interested him.

 

Therefore, Akaashi got front row seats to the scene that the two boys made.

 

He wasn’t sure whether the over dramatic tears were fake on Bokuto’s part or not but he was sobbing loudly as he ran across the parking lot to the other boy who was screaming loudly and indecipherably, while both waved their arms all over the place. When they finally met in the middle they jumped at each other in a double high-five. Then did a few complicated hand gestures that Akaashi couldn’t follow that ended in a hip bump and then a long hug.

 

The rest of the team went to go join Bokuto, but Akaashi just stood there a second. Staring. Processing. The longer the hug went on the lower his stomach seemed to sink. Just how close were these two? Could it be that this boy was Bokuto’s true soulmate? Did it really never matter whether he told Bokuto or not? It was always a possibility that Bokuto already had his soulmate and colors but… Was fate really so cruel as to not only give Akaashi an unrequited soulmate but to make him play eternal second string as he was forced to watch Bokuto with his real, true, first soulmate?  

 

As the two separated and grinned at each other Akaashi pried his eyes away, only to meet the eyes of a short boy with long black hair that had hung back when Nekoma had moved forward, seemingly engrossed in his game, the same as Akaashi unwittingly had. His eyes were a sharper gold than Bokuto’s and seemed to stare right through Akaashi. He met the stare head on for only a second before cutting his gaze away and hurriedly following after his team.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  


Watching the practice match with Shinzen was the first time Akaashi had really gotten to see the regular members play in a match. It was just him, a second year named Sarukui, the second year manager Shirofuku, and the the coach on the bench. The captain was a middle blocker and the other third year was a wing spiker. Besides them and Blakistoni all the other players were second years. You could tell from watching them that they’d been playing together for a while. They knew really well how the other’s all worked and could cover for most mistakes.

 

Akaashi couldn’t help but be riveted by Bokuto though. This was the first time Akaashi had allowed himself to watch Bokuto spike in all his glory, and it was a sight Akaashi knew would follow him. He was beautiful when he arched through the air, seemingly burning from within with a fierce determination and longing for victory. A thirst that he couldn’t contain. His energy seemed to seep from him through the entirety of the court, lighting up not just his own team, but the opponents as well.

 

The only one who seemed untouched by Bokuto’s high spirits was Blakistoni. Bokuto seemed to specialize almost solely in amazing cross hits that required extremely flexible arm movements. With every solid hit Bokuto seemed to get more lively, but Blakistoni seemed to get more frustrated. He seemed constantly annoyed with Bokuto’s energy and critical of his own tosses. Bokuto and the other’s seemed to be hitting them well even if they were a bit off, but this just seemed to bother him more.

 

Bokuto high-fived the Libero, a huge grin spread across his face, and Akaashi wished it were him out there tossing for him, he’d appreciate it more than Blakistoni. When he realized exactly what he was thinking he cursed himself for it but was unable to stop himself from thinking it.

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  


The match ended 25-18, Fukurodani won. Shinzen went off to begrudgingly do their diving receives and the rest of the Fukurodani team shuffled tiredly toward the bench. Akaashi grabbed some towels for them off the stack while Shirofuku handed out water bottles. Bokuto was still thrumming with energy and bounded over ahead of everyone else. He was sweating all over, but he ran to Sarukui to get a high-five before anything else. Sarukui grinned back and happily indulged him. He then turned to Shirofuku who seemed to know it was coming and had set Bokuto’s water bottle down on the bench already, ready to do a double high-five.

 

Everyone else had gathered loosely around the coach and captain to review the game while they cooled down, but Bokuto spotted Akaashi with one last towel in his hand and homed in on him.

 

Akaashi saw that Bokuto had spotted him and his hand curled into a fist around the last towel against his will as he braced himself.

 

“Akaashi! Wasn’t I the best! Did you see my last spike! Akaashi high-five!” Bokuto had bounded over and gotten right in Akaashi’s face. Instead of slapping the offered hands Akaashi thrust out the white towel he was holding and shoved it into Bokuto's hand.

 

A sweaty, glowing, hyped up Bokuto was a bit more than Akaashi was prepared for. He hadn’t meant to be so abrupt but he just needed Bokuto to clean up. Right now. Immediately.

 

Bokuto blinked several times in surprise and stared at the towel in his hand.

 

Akaashi cursed himself mentally. “That was a good spike Bokuto-san, but you need to get dried off and hydrated so you can go listen to the captain.”

 

Bokuto came back to himself and slung the towel around his neck before holding both hands up. “Come on Akaaaashi! If you really liked my spike you should give me a high-five!”

 

Akaashi gulped as subtly as he could before sighing and resigning himself to his fate. “Alright Bokuto-san.”

 

Akaashi held his hands up and met Bokuto halfway in a high-five. Afterwards Bokuto did a fist pump and a little cheer before turning and grabbing his water bottle so he could run off and listen to the coach.

 

Akaashi looked down at his hands after Bokuto had turned. They were a little red from the force of Bokuto’s high-five. He clenched them up into fists. That was the closest he had been to Bokuto since Bokuto had knocked him out. Was it wrong of him to want to savor this moment, this feeling? It was just a flash and yet he had felt for himself how strong Bokuto was, how firm his hands. Bokuto was just so….

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

In between sets Akaashi watched that same boy from the parking lot run up and talk to Bokuto. He was jabbering excitedly, sweeping Bokuto up in it, whether either of them had lost a set or not. The second time this happened their libero, Komi, had whispered to Akaashi that the boy’s name was Kuroo, he was Nekoma’s middle blocker, and that he and Bokuto had bonded at last year’s training camp over being starting first years. That they were practically inseparable during camps.

 

Akaashi ground his teeth.

 

They were both sweaty from the games and they kept _touching_ each other. Hitting each other’s shoulders, swinging arms around the other, fist-bumping, high-fiving. Even though everything could be platonic, Akaashi couldn’t help thinking that it solidified his theory of them being mates. Bokuto just seemed so _happy_ when he was talking to this Kuroo person. The way his eyes glowed and his grin split his face, it made Akaashi _ache_. If Akaashi could give Bokuto the chance would he look like that at him? Could Akaashi make Bokuto look like that if he tried?

 

Every time he allowed himself to think that maybe he could if he tried his hardest he beat the thought down mercilessly. What good was hope when you couldn’t even let yourself begin to try?

 

He noticed that the boy from earlier with the game console tended to follow Kuroo around from a distance. Almost every time he averted his eyes from Kuroo and Bokuto’s antics he would accidentally meet the other boy’s eyes. The first few times the other boy quickly darted his eyes away, seemingly nervous to hold his gaze, but after the first three he started meeting his eyes. A strangely focused look developed. Akaashi was once again given the feeling that he could see right through him. Was he being obvious? Was this strange boy from Nekoma already onto his secret? When Akaashi found himself thinking this he forced himself to push it to the back of his mind. What could that boy possibly find out? It’s not like he had feelings for Bokuto already. It’s not like you could tell someone was bonded by looking into their eyes.

 

When everyone broke for lunch Bokuto tried to invite Akaashi over to eat with him, Kuroo, and that other boy, for some reason. Akaashi was quick to decline.

 

When he felt eyes on his back this time, who he saw when he looked carefully over his shoulder behind him was not the other boy, but Kuroo himself. He was wearing a strange introspective look. When Akaashi turned away again he thought he maybe understood why the two Nekoma boys were friends.

 

He spent his own lunch forcefully watching the birds outside the window and not taking peeks over at Bokuto’s table.

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  


The last game of the afternoon was when Akaashi saw it for the first time. Rumors of it had reached him, of course, the team could hardly even mention Bokuto without also mentioning it. But most of Akaashi couldn’t help thinking that they were over exaggerating.

 

They were not over exaggerating.

 

Since lunch had finished up Bokuto seemed to be in some sort of slump. His spikes weren’t getting through the way they had been all morning. To make matters worse they were now up against Nekoma, who were by far the best blockers and receivers. In Bokuto’s sullen state he became easy to read, his first three spikes getting blocked easily, a fourth went through but was picked up by the libero, a second year Akaashi was told whose name was Yaku.

 

Kuroo was provoking Bokuto, calling him out, but Akaashi couldn’t tell if he was trying to help or make it worse. Whatever the intended effect was it made Bokuto angry and frustrated with himself and everything around him. Blakistoni was tossing to Bokuto less and less as the game progressed in an attempt to limit the damage Bokuto could do with his spikes but it was making it so Bokuto couldn’t seem to climb out of his funk.

 

It all culminated when Blakistoni tossed to Bokuto and not only did his spike not go through, but Bokuto missed the toss altogether and face-planted straight into the net.

 

Kuroo was worried for about two seconds and then couldn’t seem to hold in his braying laugh when it burst out. Bokuto got up okay, but he seemed really out of it. Dazed maybe.

 

Blakistoni had yelled as Bokuto had gone in, not in shock as the rest of the team had, but in anger. Even after Bokuto had gotten up Blakistoni had still been cursing under his breath. For the rest of the game he didn’t set a single toss to Bokuto. For all intents and purposes Bokuto was completely ignored by both teams for the rest of the game, Nekoma winning by quite a bit. Occasionally the captain or one of the other second years would shoot Bokuto concerned looks, but no one actually said anything to him. Akaashi could see that it was just making Bokuto sink deeper and deeper into a pit of his own making.

 

Akaashi kept close eyes on everything from where he was sitting. There had to be a better way than what Blakistoni was doing. A way to use this. A way that wouldn’t sacrifice their own ace. Akaashi felt a simmering anger just under the surface that only fueled his focus. He may have even let out a low growl under his breath after Blakistoni snubbed Bokuto on the last spike they made of the game. He wasn’t sure, but the way Surukui and Shirofuku had half turned on the bench to look at him told him he probably had.

 

Akaashi saw that Kuroo had gone up to Bokuto again after the game had finished, but Bokuto barely responded to him. When everyone came over to talk about the match Bokuto walked right past the bench and outside. The coach made a tsking noise but nobody else seemed worried.

 

Well, Akaashi was worried. When the other two benchwarmers went to disperse the towels and water bottles, Akaashi only grabbed one of each and slinked out the door after Bokuto. Akaashi didn’t even notice the strange side glances his departure earned him.

 

When he exited the building he looked around and saw Bokuto right away. He was leaning with his head against a tree by the corner of the building. Akaashi quickly made his way over to him, only to stop dead in his tracks when he saw Bokuto do one of the strangest things he’s ever seen.

 

As Akaashi watched Bokuto dragged his head sideways up off the tree and immediately dropped to his knees to stick his whole head in a deep puddle by the edge of the pavement that had formed from last night’s rain.

 

Akaashi must have stood staring for almost a solid minute before he came back to himself. He had to physically shake his head as he resumed running over to Bokuto. His soulmate. Really.

 

When Akaashi got there he kneeled down next to Bokuto. He hoped that when Bokuto heard him come over he’d come up, but he didn’t move an inch. A couple bubbles came to the surface. Akaashi hesitantly and carefully put his hand on Bokuto’s back. It twitched under his hand but Bokuto still didn’t move. Akaashi was now seriously concerned. Bokuto needed to breath didn’t he?

 

That’s it. Akaashi grasped Bokuto’s shoulders and pulled hard. Bokuto resisted but eventually came up with a pathetic whine that sounded like a… hoot? What the hell.

 

Akaashi kept both hands on Bokuto’s shoulders as he looked at him. His hair had been deflated by the water, no longer in his typical owl horns, it hung limply over Bokuto’s face. He was covered in mud and dirty water. He still kept his eyes closed, as if afraid to look directly at whoever had helped him. Akaashi squinted a bit. Was that blood near Bokuto’s eyebrow?

Akaashi didn’t think for once when he reached out and gently pushed Bokuto’s sopping hair off his forehead.  He barely noticed when Bokuto leaned into the touch. His skin was clammy from the water. Akaashi could now clearly see the scratch marks that were all over Bokuto’s forehead, a couple near the middle had blood smeared around them. Akaashi inhaled and slowly released it through clenched teeth. Bokuto must have been banging his head off the tree.

 

Akaashi removed his hands to grab the towel he’d brought out, now wishing he’d grabbed more than just one. When he turned back toward Bokuto he saw that Bokuto had opened his eyes and was watching him. Akaashi’s breath caught. They were the same piercing eyes that had so captured Akaashi, but they were darker now. No longer gazing out at the world but driven inwards, half lidded and _sad._

 

 Akaashi purposefully breathed out and grit his teeth. Then he reached back toward Bokuto and draped the towel over Bokuto’s head. He figured Bokuto would get the hint and dry his hair off, but he barely moved. Akaashi frowned in concern and leaned forward to do it himself. When he started rubbing, Bokuto slowly inched his head forward until his injured forehead was resting against Akaashi’s t-shirt right over his heart.

 

Akaashi swore his heart skipped a painful beat.

 

He’d been ignoring just how close Bokuto was in deference to his emotional plight, but now he was rendered unable to. He slowed his drying down and methodically finished with Bokuto’s hair, before sliding slowly down his neck and dipping under his collar and then pressing against his shoulders and back to try and get some of the excess water and mud from his t-shirt.

 

When there was no more to dry Akaashi slowly, ever so slowly, let the towel rest against the ground.

 

Bokuto must have realized that he was done because he made a noise in the back of his throat and pressed harder into Akaashi.

 

Akaashi dropped the towel completely on the grass and brought his hands up to the back of Bokuto’s neck, hovering behind it.

 

“Akaashi.” His name was whispered despairingly into his chest and Akaashi swallowed. He put his hands firmly on Bokuto’s neck and upper back, the one on his neck slipping up into the bottom of his hair.

 

Bokuto responded by shifting himself up so his head was partially over Akaashi’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around Akaashi’s middle. Akaashi could feel his shirt getting wet from the mud and water still splattered on Bokuto’s front. but he really couldn’t get himself to care as he set his cheek against Bokuto’s hair.

 

He couldn’t believe this was happening. He’d been avoiding Bokuto like he had the plague since he got his colors, only watching him from afar. Now he was wrapped gently in the arms he’d seen first hand spike a volleyball flat, with Bokuto practically burying himself in his shoulder. Akaashi heard a sniff next to his ear and reflexively tightened his grip. Bokuto’s hair was surprisingly soft under the water and mud.

 

“Bokuto-san.” Akaashi whispered it so as to not disturb the moment. It seemed like it might shatter on a harsh word like glass on concrete. “What happened?”

 

Bokuto sniffed again and his words came out muffled when he spoke into Akaashi’s shirt. “I don’t know. I never know. One second I’m fine and the next…”

 

Bokuto sat back abruptly, pulling away from Akaashi. Akaashi barely had a second to miss his presence.

 

“Sometimes things just start going bad and I can’t-I can’t” Bokuto was using his new-found space to make huge, jerky hand gestures to emphasize his frustration, a sharp glare full of hate now filling his eyes. But Akaashi could tell it wasn’t aimed at him. “I can’t get it back together! I just get more and more frustrated until I feel like I’ll explode! I know I let the whole team down! I’m the ace! The way they look at me sometimes! And Blakistoni! I’m no Amashi! And sometimes I’ll get so frustrated I’ll just forget how to do things! I’m so-hmmmmm!”

 

Akaashi slapped a hand over Bokuto’s mouth. His heart was racing, but his face was calm. “Bokuto-san you need to calm down. I’m going to take my hand off your mouth and you need to take a deep breath, okay? Nod if you agree.”

 

Bokuto was wide-eyed and nodded several times in quick succession.

 

Akaashi removed his hand. Bokuto closed his eyes and took a couple deep breathes. In through his nose, out through his mouth.

 

When Bokuto looked calmer Akaashi started talking. “Bokuto-san, you were a starting spiker last year right?” Bokuto nodded but didn’t respond verbally, focused entirely on Akaashi.  “This year alone we had ten new wing spikers join our team. I imagine it was the same for your year. You were a starting wing spiker at our school as a first year.” Bokuto’s eyes were slowly widening again. “That means, Bokuto-san, that you must be a very talented person. Not only that but this year the team trusted you enough to make you the Ace. They believe in you. It doesn’t matter what any previous ace was like. You have to use the skills that _you_ have to become the best ace _you_  can be. They know you can do it or they wouldn’t have made you one. You just have to believe you can be one. You have to believe in your abilities on the court because if you don’t, how can you let everyone else believe in them?”

 

“Akaashi.” It was said in a tone that bordered uncomfortably close to reverent and Akaashi couldn’t stop the faint blush he could feel warming his ears. Akaashi looked away, unable to meet Bokuto’s gaze.

 

Bokuto stood up, Akaashi quick to follow so he wouldn’t be left alone sitting in the mud. “You’re right! I’m the Ace, that means I must be awesome! Hey Hey Hey!”

 

Bokuto seemed re-energized. Akaashi scoffed under his breath and picked up the water bottle he brought off the grass so he could shove it into Bokuto’s hand. “Drink this and get properly hydrated. Drinking a puddle doesn’t count. Then we need to get back to the gym before we get in trouble with the coach.”

 

“AKAASHI!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When they came back into the gym nobody questioned their clothes, but Akaashi could see Kuroo watching them from across the gym. He’d been watching the doors since they left, waiting for them to come back. He had a plan to approach Bokuto, wondering if maybe he had exacerbated the issue, but when he saw their state he held himself back. There would be other moments to make it up to him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Akaashi was one of the last students to run off to dinner. He knew he was going to have an even harder time avoiding Bokuto at this meal than the last after the incident outside. He couldn’t bring himself to regret it, but he knew getting close to Bokuto could only bring trouble.

 

He’d been picking up some volleyballs that had flown over behind the benches when someone grabbed his attention.

 

“Hey! First year! What’s your name-Akaashi! Come help me put this huge bunch away!” Kuroo was waving him over from across the gym, it looked like he’d gone and grabbed all the stray balls that had flown out the gym doors and brought them in. He had two carts partially full already.

 

Akaashi wasn’t sure why Kuroo was still hanging around or why he needed Akaashi’s help in particular, but he reluctantly ran over to help. The work went quickly and oddly silently.

 

Akaashi didn’t notice Kuroo staring at the two bins of volleyballs with a grimace and a resigned look.

 

Akaashi had followed Kuroo’s lead automatically and sorted the volleyballs by color.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Avoiding Bokuto at dinner was easier than Akaashi thought it would be. Bokuto had left the gym a long time before him and was already roped into eating with the other second years. Akaashi grabbed a plate and sat somewhere he could keep an eye on them, but that was far enough away that Bokuto shouldn’t immediately see him if he looked over. He was curious how the others would act around Bokuto off the court after that last game.

 

Bokuto looked really different. Akaashi liked Bokuto’s horns, really, they were actually pretty cool for the ace of a school with an owl mascot. But there was just something about Bokuto with his hair down. He seemed… More vulnerable maybe? More serious? He was mostly back to acting like his usual loud, confident, self, but without the hair he didn’t have the automatic formidable look that he gave off with his horns. He seemed more concentrated and intense.

 

The rest of the team seemed to be trying to make up for the incident during the game. Slapping his shoulders and talking loudly, all laughter and grins. Akaashi looked carefully for signs of acting and lies, but found none. At most they were exaggerating their own happiness a bit, but they did seem to genuinely like Bokuto. They shot each other guilty looks when Bokuto was looking away.

 

Akaashi figured that they just didn’t know how to treat Bokuto when he was in a funk and out of fear of making it worse just said nothing. With how angry Blakistoni had gotten during the game they may have been trying to save themselves from his wrath on top of that. It was a bit disappointing but Akaashi was content that it wasn’t the horrible mess it could have been and was glad that they all seemed to be real friends on top of teammates.

 

Akaashi was also keeping an eye out for the two from Nekoma, but they never showed up. Akaashi wanted to feel relieved from the reprieve, but he couldn’t, not with the twisting knot in his stomach that wondered what they were up too.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Fukurodani usually slept in rows by year with paths in between the futons so they could walk around, but with Akaashi being the only first year there, he was stuck on the end of the second years much longer row next to one of the wing spikers, Konoha. Akaashi methodically fixed his futon and put all his things away. Pointedly not looking over at where Bokuto was on the other side of Konoha, between him and the other middle blocker Washio.

 

They all laid down and the captain shut off the lights before going over to his own futon in the middle of the other third years. Akaashi closed his eyes and tried to slow his breathing. He heard light snores and heavy breaths start coming from around the room.

 

But behind his eyes Akaashi only saw his own racing thoughts.

 

He was plagued with images of a wet Bokuto, miserable and covered in mud, but warm against his chest. His over enthusiastic high-fives and how strong and solid his hand felt slamming against his. His grin that split his face and his energy when spiking. It occurred to Akaashi that he was thinking about these things with Bokuto lying one person over from him and his eyes sprang open.

 

Akaashi turned from his back to his left, facing away from Konoha and Bokuto. He should be thinking about how to overcome the team's difficulty when Bokuto gets into one of his moods. There had to be a way to use it. He couldn’t let the team’s ace continue having such a great weakness. But he never got far in his thoughts before he got distracted by thinking of the look on Bokuto’s face, how dejected he looked to fail and be ignored, the dazed look he got after running into the net. How he was so upset he had gone outside and hit his head off a tree and put his head in a mud puddle.

 

Akaashi shook himself again and turned back to face Konoha and Bokuto, wanting to be closer to him now. He missed Konoha’s exasperated huff.

 

It hit Akaashi though, suddenly, that he shouldn’t want to be closer to Bokuto. Not only that but he had a soulmate. He had no right to interfere with Bokuto’s relationship with Kuroo, had no stake in it in the first place. He had only met Bokuto a few weeks ago, this was ridiculous. The Nekoma boy’s eyes stared at him from behind his eyelids when he shut them again, seemingly accusing him of crimes he didn’t commit. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter and rolled over again to try and move away from their eyes.

 

Kuroo didn’t seem so bad earlier when they were picking up the balls, Akaashi couldn’t understand why he was letting this get to him. But the eyes didn’t go away and Akaashi let out a grunt. He was never going to be able to sleep like this.

 

He opened his eyes and carefully moved around in the dark until his hand slipped in his bag and fished around for his book. His bookmark was a tiny reading light, so if he was quiet and careful about it he should be able to read until he fell asleep.

 

He’d only read a couple pages when he was disturbed by a loud “OW!”, startling him so bad he dropped his book and lost the page.

 

Konoha sat bolt upright next to him. “THAT’S IT I CAN’T TAKE IT! Between Bokuto grabbing onto me and Akaashi tossing and turning and now that damn book light I’ve HAD it!”

 

Konoha’s shout received mumbled agreement from the rest of the team, echoed most loudly from Washio on Bokuto’s other side who had Bokuto’s legs over his due to his sleeping diagonally. He followed his agreement by lifting his legs and using them to shove Bokuto’s off of them.

 

Bokuto snorted loudly and and sat upright. “Wha’s-wha’s goin on? Problem?” He blinked around sleepily with wide eyes.

 

Akaashi did not find it endearing. He didn’t.

 

There was a loud sigh from the captain’s spot. “Okay Bokuto, we gave you a chance. We have to re-implement Bokuto’s cuddle corner. You have not changed sleeping habits with your hair change.”

 

Bokuto woke up a bit more with this announcement. “WHAAAT! I thought I was doing okay!”

 

Mimizuku sat up just enough to be able to turn around and glare at Bokuto. “Clearly not.”

 

Bokuto deflated and started shuffling his stuff together to move. Akaashi felt a bit sorry for him, getting sent to the corner to sleep all by himself.

 

“Akaashi.” Akaashi tried to hide his jump at being directly spoken to by the captain. “You’re gonna join him. Bokuto sleeps like a log, you won’t wake him up tossing and turning and you can read over there if you need too. I’d send you to a different corner but that’s the farthest away and the only one nobody can see your light from.”

 

Akaashi stared at him blankly for several seconds. What. Did-did he really want Akaashi to go sleep in the corner with just Bokuto? He must have heard wrong. He looked around the room and saw that everyone was looking up at him. Konoha was nodding firmly. Akaashi hadn’t realized he’d been so much of a disruption.

 

Then his gaze panned over to Bokuto and he realized once again that he was doomed. Bokuto practically had stars shining out of his eyes at the thought that he wouldn’t be shunned to the corner by himself.

 

Akaashi knew in his heart that he’d already given in, but he slowly panned back around to the captain to make sure they _actually_ wanted to put him in this position. Mimizuku’s glare just got firmer and he nodded tersely.  

 

Akaashi sighed and gathered his things.

 

When he went over to Bokuto he was greeted with a cheery, “You can sleep next to the wall so your book light is blocked better!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Akaashi had tried to read for a bit longer now that he knew his book light wasn’t bothering anybody, but the feeling that he was caged in wouldn’t let him relax into it. He was lying facing the wall and Bokuto was like a wall himself against Akaashi’s back, warm and solid, immovable. When Akaashi realized he was paying more attention to Bokuto’s breathing pattern than his book he officially gave up.

 

Bokuto threw a leg backwards over Akaashi’s. Akaashi tried very hard to be annoyed. The weight was comforting though, giving Akaashi something to think about besides his own insecurities and the eyes of the Nekoma boys.

 

Akaashi turned over to face Bokuto. It was a tight squeeze due to Bokuto’s having backed up against him, but Akaashi managed. He wasn’t sure where to put his arm now that he was like this though. But. If Bokuto was at the point he was backing up into him and throwing legs over him he wouldn’t notice if Akaashi just.  

 

Akaashi crept his arm forward a bit and rested his hand flat on Bokuto’s back. He immediately felt a heat in his cheeks and was glad no one was awake to see this.

 

After a second he relaxed. And marveled. These were the shoulders that hit those amazing cross shots. These were the shoulders that carried the team to victory. He moved his hand slightly so it passed directly over Bokuto’s shoulder blades. Akaashi was overcome by an image of Bokuto with owl wings soaring above the net and the blocker’s heads to spike. He couldn’t think of anyone who’d deserve it more.

 

Bokuto’s shirt was soft under his hands, but he could feel the muscles hard underneath and the warmth of his skin soaking through. Akaashi wasn’t sure if he’d ever been this close to another person now that he thought of it. Voluntarily anyway. He hadn’t even realized he was cold.

 

Akaashi’s hands bunched in the fabric. Was it bad he already didn’t want to leave? He knew that Bokuto wasn’t his. He knew he barely knew him. He knew nothing had really changed. Akaashi shifted forward so his forehead was now resting between Bokuto’s shoulders, hands now moved down to his lower back.

 

It mirrored Bokuto’s position earlier outside. Akaashi wanted to move closer until he was under Bokuto’s skin. Protected from his worries, where he could protect Bokuto in return from his own self-doubts.

 

Akaashi felt his eyes water. It didn’t mean anything though. It was just stress. He’d never done a training camp before, he was tired. One tear and then two dripped down his face and soaked into Bokuto’s shirt. Akaashi didn’t know who he was kidding. The only thing he was tired of was avoiding Bokuto.

 

He thought of walking through hallways, always feeling separated from his fellow students, as if by an invisible barrier. Coming home to an empty house with a note on the table, his parents working late again. Everything shadowed and bleak in dull black and white.

 

Bokuto changed that. He brought color to his world. He hadn’t left Akaashi alone despite his active attempts to brush him off. He laughed and joked and slung arms over his shoulders. He was like a literal light in Akaashi’s darkness. Even when Bokuto was low he was ridiculous and warm and close. So close.

 

And he wasn’t Akaashi’s.

 

Even if he wasn’t Kuroo’s. Even if by some miraculous happenstance he was unbonded. He didn’t have Akaashi’s colors. He felt nothing for Akaashi.

 

Akaashi’s whole body shook with a suppressed sob. He still wanted him close, and there, and shining. No matter what.

 

The dichotomy of what he wanted and what he knew was the correct course of action felt like it was pulling him apart. His reason and his emotions at war. He prided himself on his rationality above all and now look at him.

 

The shaking got worse and he felt the muscles under him shift. He froze. The leg thrown over his retracted. Akaashi let go of Bokuto’s shirt, his fingers feeling numb. What would he do if Bokuto actually woke up and saw him now?

 

Bokuto slowly turned all the way around so he was facing Akaashi and promptly wrapped him in a hug, his chin resting on Akaashi’s pillow over his head. He pressed Akaashi closer so he had no choice but to press his hands against his chest. Akaashi stayed frozen, the only thing moving the tears down his cheeks, his eyes widening in panic.

 

Once Bokuto was resettled he stopped moving again. Once he was still for almost a minute Akaashi started breathing again. Was Bokuto really asleep still?

 

Akaashi angled his head backwards to look up at his face. His eyes were closed. Akaashi blinked a couple times in shock. He guessed they were moved for Bokuto’s night cuddling. But still.

 

Well. Even if Bokuto was faking, Akaashi was grateful. He burrowed down against Bokuto’s chest and allowed himself to be comforted by Bokuto’s arms. His closeness, however temporary, calming Akaashi. He felt safe.

 

He closed his eyes and finally drifted off.

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  


Akaashi was woken up by someone shaking his shoulder. His eyes opened slowly. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten such a good sleep. He looked over his shoulder to see who was shaking him, only to get a face full of Bokuto’s eyes. He was grinning down at him, his hair already fixed back in his horns.

 

Bokuto practically sang, “There’s no way you’re getting out of sitting with me at breakfast!”

 

Akaashi sighed and turned back away from Bokuto. Bokuto bounced off to go do whatever else he needed to do before breakfast.

 

Akaashi suddenly realized that his arm was stretched all the way out and resting well into Bokuto’s sleeping space. The blanket was cold already so Bokuto must have been up a while. Akaashi flushed and pulled his arm back tight to his chest. He couldn’t even imagine what position Bokuto must have seen them in when he woke up. Akaashi let himself indulge in a long groan and covered his head with the edge of his blanket. He could hear Bokuto laughing from nearby.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

So here Akaashi was at last. Finally captured by Bokuto and sat across from that other Nekoma boy Bokuto had said was named Kenma. Akaashi stared down into his breakfast and tried to accept his fate. This is how it ends.

 

Bokuto was in top form that morning, waving and jumping around animatedly while he talked to Kuroo across from him, he kept bumping his shoulder into Akaashi’s. Akaashi thought briefly about asking him to stop but couldn’t bring himself to. It was nice to have the reminder of Bokuto’s presence. Akaashi barely dared to look up, knowing if he did Kenma was right across from him. Watching.

 

There was a lull in Kuroo and Bokuto’s conversation and Akaashi chanced a look up to see what was going on. He caught Kenma subtly elbowing Kuroo. Kuroo turned away from Bokuto to look at Kenma. Kenma just stared at him for a minute and then went back to his food. Kuroo looked puzzled for about two seconds before a huge grin broke across his face. Then he looked over to Akaashi.

 

Akaashi immediately wanted to run but steeled himself not to even react at all. He must not show fear. This was the guy that may have won the right to be Bokuto’s soulmate. He had to prove to at least himself that he was just as good as Kuroo. He would not back down.

 

“What.” Akaashi kept his voice as monotone as possible. This did nothing to lessen Kuroo’s grin.

 

“You’re using the wrong color tray. Fukurodani is suppose to use the blue ones. Did someone not bother to tell the little first year~”

 

Akaashi slowly looked from Kuroo down to his tray. Then he looked back up at Kuroo. “All of the tray’s are shades of gray. There are no blue trays.”

 

Akaashi looked over at Bokuto to see how he was taking all this nonsense, but Bokuto was staring at him with eyes the size of plates, a mix of fear and amazement playing out across his features.

 

Akaashi quickly looked away, not sure how to feel about that face. What had he done to warrant that?

 

Kuroo’s grin had now gone from shit-eating to genuinely happy, but his voice still sounded like he was planning something. “HA! So last night wasn’t luck. You know you sorted those volleyballs by color? You do have your colors! Who’s the lucky soulmate?”

 

Akaashi froze. He hadn’t even realized what he was doing. The knowledge that comes with your colors is so pervasive he’d been having some trouble remembering what it was like to see in only black and white. He knew on an intellectual level that a lot of the people around him weren’t seeing the colors, but because so few people had talked about them at club he’d let his vigilance slide severely.

 

Akaashi had a story thought up for this eventuality, but he didn’t want to have to use it. He was given no choice though, pinned down. “I was born with my colors. I don’t have a soulmate. I don’t like to spread it around because I don’t really see it as a big deal. People read too much into it.”

 

Akaashi clenched his fists under the table as he met Kuroo’s eye to hide the lie. It was his mother’s story, not his. Telling it now, to these people, to Bokuto especially, felt like a goodbye. It felt like he was denying the connection he felt to Bokuto once and for all. Finally admitting defeat and accepting that he didn’t deserve-didn’t need a soulmate. Like saying goodbye to Bokuto for good without having tried. The sense of loss he felt was overwhelming. It washed over him like a yawning pit, waiting to engulf him in misery.

 

Kuroo was frowning now. Was that a look of concern? “That’s too bad. I found Kenma when we were pretty young.” He threw an arm around Kenma’s shoulders. “We thought it was platonic for a while, but last year we realized it really, really wasn’t, heh.” He dropped a kiss on Kenma’s head, Kenma had a small blush and had turned his head away, but didn’t seem to mind.

 

Akaashi’s whole body froze. He turned slowly and woodenly to look at Bokuto again. Bokuto wasn’t looking at him anymore. He was looking over at Kuroo and Kenma. His eyes had melted to a liquid gold, his face gentled into a kind of wistfulness Akaashi had never seen before.

 

Kuroo of course had caught the look and interpreted it as the question Akaashi had been dying to ask but had been too afraid, far too afraid, to _know._

 

Kuroo’s voice was sly but serious and Akaashi whipped back around to face him. “I bet you’re wondering about Bo’s soulmate hm? Bokuto loves them unconditionally. He only has one little problem. He’ll never know who they are without them telling him cause this unlucky bastard is colorblind.” Kuroo’s eyes wandered over from Bokuto to Akaashi, narrowing now from where he had been wearing a sad sort of look when gazing at Bokuto. “No one has stepped forward though.”

 

Before Akaashi could even begin to process that, Bokuto slammed his fists down on the table, shaking it so hard Akaashi’s empty cup fell over. He wasn’t looking at Kuroo anymore. Now he was glaring down into his food tray. His eyes were no longer liquid but a molten steel forged from a raging inferno of pain Akaashi couldn’t hope to understand. Akaashi expected him to yell but his voice was quiet. An equally steely whisper that matched his eyes. “Kuroo. I told you not to talk about that.”

 

Akaashi spared a glance over at Kuroo. He looked remorseful but hard. Like what he had brought up was necessary. Akaashi barely heard Kuroo’s apology over the rushing in his ears and suddenly he knew he had to get out of there.

 

He stood up abruptly, gaining the attention of not only the three at his table, but some people from nearby ones. He doesn’t know what excuse he used to explain. Maybe he didn’t. But he didn’t stick around to see their reactions either. He started out walking, trying not to draw anymore attention, but once he reached the doors outside he ran. Ran as fast as he could. He didn’t know where he was going and he didn’t care. He just needed to get away. His thoughts were racing faster than his feet and his vision was turning black around the edges.

 

He was numb. So many emotions were clambering up his throat he couldn’t feel any of them. No matter how fast he ran the void seemed to follow him, opening up at his feet.

 

Akaashi didn’t know how long he’d been running, it can’t have been too long, but his emotions were becoming dead weights on his legs and he tripped, sending him sprawling out over the pavement.

 

Akaashi didn’t even feel his banged knees but it seemed the final straw. Akaashi had only gotten to his knees when the tears started streaming down his face. A sob tore it’s way up his throat and he banged a fist on the cement. “I don’t WANT THIS! I never, NEVER WANTED THIS!”

 

Akaashi was so focused inward he never saw it coming. A hand fisted in the front of his shirt and practically lifted him up off the ground. His tears stopped in shock and he gazed up into Kuroo’s face. He wasn’t given long to process before he was pushed back several feet and against the wall of the school.  

 

He was pinned against the red brick, Kuroo’s face seeming to tower over him. Akaashi had never seen someone so angry, Kuroo’s face made him look practically feral. “So you are Bokuto’s soulmate huh!? And you know it too! Never wanted this, is that fucking right!? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING KEEPING THIS FROM HIM!?”

 

Akaashi pried desperately at Kuroo’s hands balled in his shirt. He was being lifted up onto his toes and was unable to control his panic. His voice shook and cracked. “I can’t tell him! I can’t! I can’t do it! stop!”

 

Kuroo’s eyes seemed to blaze and he shook Akaashi a bit as he yelled in his face. “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SOULMATES MEAN TO HIM?! HIS FAMILY?! He would LOVE YOU! And you just DON’T WANT IT! What is WRONG WITH YOU?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF?!”

 

Akaashi didn’t want to think of it, wanted to stay in the moment, but he couldn’t help it. The thought of Bokuto loving him. Bokuto smiling at him and holding him every night. Of seeing a light so bright it could cut through the darkest night shine from Bokuto’s eyes.

 

Before Akaashi could stop it he was crying again. His mad scrabbling against Kuroo’s hand stopped and he was just clutching at it now. His whole body seemed to cave inward around the point of contact.

 

Akaashi distantly heard a quiet “fuck” from Kuroo before the pressure Kuroo had been exerting let up. He was put firmly back on his feet, the fist he was practically wrapped around slowly detangling from his shirt. But Akaashi’s knees wouldn’t hold him anymore and as Kuroo let go Akaashi fell in a heap on the grass.

 

Kuroo sighed heavily and folded himself down onto the grass in front of Akaashi. He just sat there and waited while Akaashi gathered himself together. Akaashi felt his eyes like a laser, but was happy for a brief reprieve. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so overwhelmed with his emotions. He forced his eyes closed and breathed, trying not to feel the thoughts that were expanding rapidly in the back of his mind.

 

It was a solid couple minutes before Kuroo spoke again. “Okay. You’ve calmed down now. Care to tell me what the hell is going on?”

 

Akaashi took two more deep breaths before he looked up and met Kuroo’s gaze. “I thought until now that maybe YOU were Bokuto-san’s…”

 

Kuroo snorted out a laugh. “If I hadn’t met Kenma a long time ago maybe I would have hoped that too, but all I can see in my future is Kenma, so you can trust that.”

 

Akaashi stared at the grass between his knees and let himself think of the problem. To access the thoughts he’d thought automatically but had felt more keenly than analyzed. He knew why he was so upset but to say it out loud…

 

“It’s. If Bokuto-san’s colorblind it it just means nothing's changed and nothing ever will. Nothing CAN change. It’s still just as likely that it’s unrequited now as it’s always been, only now I know there’s no way to prove it. He’ll never get a soulmate and I’ll always have this weight hanging over me. I can’t say anything Kuroo-san. Because if I do he’ll believe me. And. And there’s no way to know whether I actually am his soulmate or not.”

 

Akaashi felt a couple more tears roll down his face and reached up absentmindedly to rub them away. Kuroo was looking at Akaashi with a look of alarm, his jaw snapping closed abruptly as he pulled himself together.

 

He hissed a breath out through his nose. “Bo’s been waiting his whole life for his soulmate to reveal themselves and you’re not going to tell him because you think that it’s not _real?_ He won’t care either way. And what would it matter if you aren’t his soulmate hm? He’s clearly yours! Even if he had another one you’d be giving up on your own happiness as well!”

 

Akaashi glared up at Kuroo. “Why are you such a pain in the ass? My parents are perfectly happy together without being soulmates. You don’t... _need_ your soulmate…”

 

Akaashi sentence trailed off as he was consumed with thoughts of living without Bokuto. He thought of how it was after leaving practice most nights. The darkness making everything seem to lose its color again, the grayness of his houses walls, empty because his parents worked late. The world silent but for the ringing of his own thoughts. Eating alone. Studying alone.

 

He thought of how he was before. Watching his classmates with a kind of barely hidden disdain as they sought out their other half. Using his parents polite morning pecks and long marriage as a shield they had probably never intended to forge. He was fine. He was comfortable. He was alone.

 

He was sure even now that maybe other people _could_ be happy without soulmates. But he…

 

He could never have foreseen Bokuto.

 

Kuroo sighed loudly and dramatically, seeming to see something in Akaashi’s face. “Fine. I’ll just let you deal with it then. But no more ignoring him. If you won’t admit to being his soulmate at least put both of you out of your miseries and be his friend. I’m sick of seeing my best friend torn up like that cause he thinks you hate him for no reason.”

 

Akaashi swallowed down any words that wanted to come out and nodded his acceptance.

 

Kuroo’s relaxed face turned into a glare to rival any Akaashi had seen before. “If he doesn’t find a different soulmate and you don’t tell him by the time he graduates though _I’m_ telling him. Not a force in the world is gonna stop me either. He’s got too many problems of his own to worry about yours as well.”

 

Akaashi glared back but knew better than to argue. Kuroo nodded. Then he stood and offered a hand down to Akaashi. “We better get used to each other. If we’re both hanging out with Bo we’re gonna be seeing a lot of the other. I bet you’ll get along well with Kenma.”

 

Akaashi let himself be pulled up. He couldn’t help but wonder just what the hell he was getting himself into.

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  


Akaashi had spent most of the day trapped in his own thoughts. But after lunch he was faced with a surprise. Captain Mimizuku approached him as they were getting warmed up for the afternoon games.

 

“Akaashi. We’re going to have you play setter in the afternoon games. You’ve never played with the team in a real game before and we need you ready in case something happens and we need to switch out Blakistoni. Don’t worry about too much but getting synced up with the spikers okay?” Mimizuku clapped Akaashi on the shoulder and walked over to Sarukui, probably he was getting switched in for the afternoon practice games too.

 

Akaashi looked down at his hands for a second, contemplating. Then he looked up and over to where Bokuto was stretching. Bokuto had been in a weird mood ever since breakfast. He’d played okay without any problems, but he seemed more contained. He hadn’t outright said anything about Akaashi and then Kuroo running off though, so Akaashi was loath to bring it up.

 

Akaashi clenched his hands into fists and nodded to himself. It couldn’t hurt.

 

He waited until they were just about to go onto the court against Ubugawa. While the coach was talking to the players Akaashi looked for an oddly serious looking Bokuto who was near the back, drinking out of his water bottle and seemingly staring off at nothing.

 

Akaashi grit his teeth as he readied himself, firm in his decision.

 

Akaashi walked over to Bokuto and placed a hand on his shoulder. Bokuto sputtered as he jerked his water bottle down away from his mouth in shock. Akaashi did his best to ignore this as he addressed Bokuto. “Bokuto-san. Captain Mimizuku told me I would be playing in my first practice game with the team. I’m… kind of nervous.” Akaashi dropped his hand and purposely looked away from Bokuto and down at the floor away from them. He could feel Bokuto’s eye’s drilling into the side of his face. “I’m going to do my best, but I’m really counting on the ace to help me out.”

 

Akaashi kept his head angled away and looked back over at Bokuto’s reaction. He had fully turned to face Akaashi and was still staring at him in shock, his water bottle dangling forgotten at his side. Then the shock faded as a smile spread across his face, slowly at first and then morphing into the biggest grin Akaashi had ever seen. Akaashi had to turn and look at it head on. Bokuto’s strange mood seemed to melt from him as he swelled up, throwing his chest out like a puffed up owl.

 

His voice was loud and carrying when he spoke, causing the coach to stop his lecture as the whole team turned to look at them. “Don’t worry about a thing Akaashi! Your ace will spike anything you toss to me! You can count on it!”

 

Akaashi didn’t appreciate the attention Bokuto was drawing but he couldn’t help the smile breaking across his face to finally see Bokuto back in his element. “I’m glad Bokuto-san. I know I can count on you.”

 

Bokuto’s grin softened around the edges and a blush lit up his face as he chuckled nervously, but he maintained his confident posture.

 

Akaashi glanced away from Bokuto, back at the team, only to see all the shocked looks on their faces. At Akaashi’s stare they generally faded into pleased looks, and the coach blew his whistle to gain everyone’s attention back to send them onto the court.

 

Konoha slapped Akaashi on the shoulder as he ran past.

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Akaashi knew it wasn’t a real match. It didn’t _really_ matter in the long term how this went. But it felt like a big deal to him as he took his place on the court. This would be the match that really showed if he could sync up with the team properly. With Bokuto especially.

 

Akaashi could only count his blessings that the first match he was playing wasn’t against Nekoma. He wasn’t sure how he would face them on the court after his conversation with Kuroo.

 

Akaashi shot a side glance at the still fired up Bokuto. He’d played up his nerves a bit earlier to get him out of his funk, but if he messed up he really would be letting Bokuto down. He slid back into depression so easily if he missed a spike. Akaashi was self-aware enough to know that he was only an average setter. He didn’t have any special skills to contribute. His strength lay in being strong in all the regular ways.

 

And Bokuto. Bokuto was something special. He needed someone special by his side. Could Akaashi really live up to that standard?

 

Akaashi glanced over to the bench and saw Blakistoni sitting, staring at them with a hard gaze and his arms crossed. Akaashi thought back to the game from yesterday where Bokuto had stormed out after. He steeled himself. No matter what happened in this match he wouldn’t let Bokuto go back to that place. To sitting in the mud alone outside. To beating himself up and being miserable. He wouldn’t allow it. He wouldn’t.

 

Akaashi took a long look around at the smiling faces of his teammates. They were all behind him. More importantly maybe, they were all behind Bokuto too. The scene from last night’s dinner swam through Akaashi’s head. When Bokuto got chosen as ace. The years they had been on the same team. They knew Bokuto. They liked him. Akaashi glared at the net, not really seeing it, instead thinking once more of the game from yesterday. With him as setter they were damn well going to act like it.

 

Akaashi was shocked out of his thoughts by a hard nudge in his shoulder. He blinked hard a couple times and looked to his left at Bokuto. He had his soft smile on and his eyes were half-lidded, but no less intense seeming to Akaashi. “Try not to worry so much Akaashi. I’m going to try really hard! Your first game’s gonna go great!” His eyebrows scrunched up and his smile evened out into a straight line. “I’m not going to do as bad as yesterday no matter what, so you don’t have to worry about that either. This is your first game ‘Kaashi. You don’t need to be concentrating on my emotions.”

 

Akaashi felt his eyes widen even as his body seemed to loosen suddenly. He hadn’t even realized how tense he’d been getting. Akaashi met Bokuto’s serious gaze. He hadn’t realized Bokuto had been paying that close attention to him. He suddenly remembered last night. Being wrapped up in Bokuto’s embrace. Crying into Bokuto’s strong back. How much did Bokuto really know? Really see with his vibrant, piercing eyes? “Bokuto-san…”

 

Bokuto’s eyes widened to an impossible size, before he whipped around so fast Akaashi had to take a step back, he barely caught Bokuto’s last words. “Better-get-in-place-it-looks-like- they’re-ready-to-serve-good-luck!” Bokuto’s ears were pink.

 

As Akaashi took his position he felt his mind settle. His thoughts focusing on the game in front of him and not the pressures surrounding him. He was ready.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

And he was ready.

 

The game went well. Ubugawa had strong serves, but with Bokuto firing up the team they were able to keep most of them off the floor.

 

Akaashi’s first set to Bokuto was a bit off and Bokuto only just managed to get it over the net and even then it was picked up easily. Akaashi bit his lip and cursed himself internally. Bokuto’s first spike could make or break his game. But Bokuto didn’t seemed deterred by the bad toss. Even after Ubugawa got the point Bokuto shot Akaashi a thumbs up and a grin.

 

It strengthened Akaashi’s resolve. One bad toss wasn’t going to ruin anything if he didn’t let it. Bokuto didn’t mind. His smile lit Akaashi from within.

 

His next toss to Bokuto went flawlessly. It felt like magic to Akaashi. Bokuto got it and hit it across the court in his signature cross hit. When it landed he did a fist pump and turned to Akaashi practically glowing. Akaashi let a grin break across his own face. Bokuto had a flash of red across his face, but Akaashi didn’t even notice, he was too distracted by how _happy_  he was. He could do this forever.

 

That was the real moment the match was decided.

 

They were a team.

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Akaashi played in all the remaining matches of the day and consequently the training camp. After the first win the team just seemed to get more energized instead of tired, maybe brought up by Bokuto’s unusually good spirits. Akaashi tried his best to catalog every idiosyncrasy that he could in an effort to improve his teamwork. He was filled again with the thought that he was needed and relied on and it reminded him of why he continued with Volleyball.

 

It had always been a place away from soulmates. But now it felt almost as natural as breathing that his soulmate should be beside him in this. That his running had brought him right back around to what he was running from. And that volleyball should become a space in which he didn’t need to think about the complications of having Bokuto as a soulmate. They could just exist and look out for each other in the same space. Which was more than Akaashi could ever have thought to ask for.

 

Akaashi felt eyes on him constantly as he played, and every time he glanced over at the bench he could see that Blakistoni was always watching him intensely. Most of the time Akaashi couldn’t tell what he was thinking, his face completely blank, but other times it’d fall into a glare. Akaashi wasn’t sure what his problem was, but he resolved to ignore it for now.

 

Harder by far for Akaashi to ignore was the looks from Kuroo and even Kenma. Akaashi thought that playing on the opposite side of the net from Kuroo would be its own special kind of hell. In actuality though the banter Kuroo provided only egged Bokuto on and gave Akaashi a vicious sense of satisfaction every time a spike got past Kuroo in particular.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After the last match of the day Akaashi was dragged with Bokuto to dinner. It was clear that even if he was willing to risk Kuroo’s wrath and continue to avoid Bokuto, Bokuto would no longer allow it. He was stuck with him now.

 

When dinner was over Akaashi moved to the side to get out of the way of Kuroo and Bokuto’s over enthusiastic goodbye and found himself standing next to Kenma. Akaashi looked over at him out of the corner of his eye (Unwilling to turn completely away from the nonsense that was going on in front of him lest he become a casualty) and saw that Kenma was ignoring the two entirely and fiddling with his phone. Doing what, Akaashi couldn’t see from his angle.

 

Akaashi kept looking at him for a minute, trying to gather the courage to bring up a subject that he had wanted to talk to Kenma about since the disaster that was breakfast. He turned completely away from Kenma to make sure it didn’t look as if he had been watching him when he spoke to him. “How do you put up with them? And with Kuroo as your soulmate?”

 

Kenma let out a breath that may have been a sigh. “You get used to it. Kuroo’s always been around anyway. It’d be strange if he went anywhere now.”

 

Akaashi chanced a glance out of the corner of his eye again. Kenma was looking at him from behind his long hair. When he saw Akaashi look over at him he dropped his gaze back to his phone. “What’s your phone number.”

 

Akaashi fought to keep his face from showing his surprise at this and just recited his number. He had no idea why Kenma could possibly want his cell phone number, but Akaashi was still feeling a bit too wrong-footed with the whole situation to even think of saying anything.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Just as the bus was leaving the parking lot Akaashi got a text from an unknown number. It just said “With this situation and how Kuroo is it might be better to talk like this when needed.”

 

Akaashi felt one side of his mouth turn up at the sight. He shot Bokuto, asleep and drooling, cuddled up on his shoulder, a look even he could feel was soft. Maybe this wouldn’t be as bad as he had envisioned.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  



	2. Rosy Red Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long! You'll see I also added on another chapter to my originally predicted length. Akaashi went off a bit lol. Special thanks to Miss_Macabre_Grey for their comment! It really motivated me like nothing else recently. Credit to her for the chapter name as well!
> 
> THEY ALSO MADE ME ART?!?! check it out: http://grey-kisses.tumblr.com/post/177396751835/so-theres-this-rainbow-fic-and-i-owe-the-author

After training camp ended Interhigh was just around the corner. Akaashi felt as if he barely breathed between then and the first match. He knew it was unlikely that he would be playing in any of these games unless Blakistoni was injured, but he felt he owed it to the team to train as hard as he could as a new player. And if this involved more Bokuto watching than Akaashi privately thought was strictly necessary, he didn’t dwell on it. He also tried not to dwell on how Blakistoni and Bokuto’s interactions set his teeth on edge.

 

The whole team started off the Interhigh strong and ready, Bokuto leading the charge. Bokuto shone brighter and brighter as the games went on and the winning continued. It almost seemed a forgone conclusion to Akaashi that they would make it to Nationals.

 

Over the time between the end of the regional games and the start of Nationals, something changed. Akaashi wasn’t sure what it was but he could tell Bokuto was going into these games differently.

 

He wasn’t as loud. He didn’t seem to talk as freely to their team members. Akaashi thought he seemed to be looking over at Blakistoni a lot more. Then again he was Bokuto’s setter. Akaashi tried to shrug off his bad feelings.

 

Once the games started though it was very clear that Akaashi had been onto something.

 

The more they played the worst Bokuto got. Every mistake built up on each other until Akaashi was getting splinters from where he dug his nails into the bench to keep himself from running up to Bokuto on the court. The team was competent enough without Bokuto, Akaashi couldn’t understand why Blakistoni continued to toss for Bokuto when he was like this. Or why the coach didn’t bench him to calm down.

 

It wasn’t just Bokuto that should have been changed out either. If Blakistoni was making those kinds of calls then Akaashi thought he should get benched for a while as well.

 

But then again that would mean that he would have to go out on the court. Part of him longed for it. But another part of him froze in terror at the thought. He’d only been on the team for a short while, had made the team by default. How could he possibly even think that he could turn things around? That he wouldn’t accidentally make it worse?

 

Before Akaashi knew it the last whistle had blown and they had lost.

 

In the very first Nationals game.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Akaashi watched as Bokuto bypassed the bench and walked straight out the doors.

 

Akaashi wanted with every fiber of his being to go after Bokuto, but he was stuck helping to hand out towels and water bottles. Stuck until everyone had stretched. Stuck until the last person had finally gone to change in the locker room.

 

Akaashi didn’t bother.

 

He left out the same side door that Bokuto had and resolved to keep looking until he found him, visions of Bokuto crying on his shoulder at camp flooding his mind.

 

In the end Akaashi didn’t have to go far. Bokuto had walked just around the corner of the building where there was little foot traffic. He was curled up over his knees and shaking visibly even from where Akaashi was standing.

 

There was a split second where Akaashi just stood and watched him. He wasn’t really sure what to say to make it better, or how to help him. He just knew that he really wanted to. Wanted Bokuto to always be at his best, a wonder to behold. He couldn’t help but feel that maybe it wasn’t his place to be here for this though. Why would Bokuto want his help?

 

Then Bokuto was punching the concrete and Akaashi was moving toward him.

 

He practically dove down and grabbed Bokuto’s hand so it hit his hand instead of the cement. Bokuto turned and looks up at him, tears still running down his face. “Akaashi…”

 

Akaashi still didn't really know what he was doing, but he brought Bokuto’s hand up and held it protectively against his chest because he did know that the last thing he wanted was Bokuto to injure himself. They ended up just looking at each other for a minute.

 

Suddenly Bokuto’s tears started streaming faster and he practically leapt forward and tackled Akaashi. It threw Akaashi off balance and he fell back on his butt, his legs now bracketing a Bokuto that was sniffling into his chest with the arm not caught in Akaashi’s grip bunching up the back of Akaashi’s shirt. Once Akaashi’s surprise wore off he just let Bokuto hug him, one of his hands rubbing circles on Bokuto’s back.

 

They sat like that for a while before Bokuto’s crying stopped and he mumbled into Akaashi’s shirt. “I really let the team down didn’t I?”

 

Akaashi saw red for a split second and breathed deep through his nose. “Bokuto-san. A team doesn’t win or lose based on a single player. No one is going to blame you for a loss that was a team effort.”

 

Bokuto was quiet for a few seconds. Then. “Akaashi, can I tell you a secret?”

 

“Sure what is it?”

 

Bokuto buried himself further into Akaashi’s chest, ashamed. “I don’t. I don’t think I like volleyball very much.”

 

Akaashi felt his blood turn to liquid nitrogen, freezing instantly every body part it rushed through. His lips were so completely numb he didn’t even feel it when he mumbled to Bokuto. “How can you not like volleyball? You’re so good at it and work so hard?”

 

“I used to like it! The way the ball felt smacking against the palm of my hand. And-and how the team always looked at me when I made a point with my spike! But now I work so hard and it doesn’t even matter! People around me just get better and better. I never seem to move forward! It’s not fun to keep failing like this! I hate it! This feeling!”

 

Bokuto’s face was scrunched in pain as he yelled into Akaashi’s chest. Even while Akaashi’s blood continued to run cold his heart thumped hard and painful in his chest, aching even as Bokuto’s ached. Akaashi’s wondered distantly if it was a side-effect of Bokuto being his soulmate, that he should ache like this at his pain. He needed to do or say something, ANYTHING, to help. He’d do anything.

 

Akaashi didn’t know where the  words were coming from. “Bokuto-san, is there anything in volleyball that still makes you happy?”

 

Bokuto sniffled for a minute, either thinking or calming himself down enough to answer. “I like spiking the ball as hard as I can and getting points for the team. It’s fine when my diagonal shots work, but I miss when I could hit a straight right through the defense!” Bokuto lowered his voice until he was mumbling, “ But everyone in high school is way better than middle school and my straights got through so few times Blakistoni banned me from using them in most games.”

 

Akaashi was overcome by such raw anger and determination he saw only white for a second. “Well Blakistoni is retiring soon and I’ll be your new setter. I’ll help you practice as much as you want so you can start using straights again. I promise.” Akaashi softened his hard tone “Just promise you won’t give up on volleyball Bokuto-san. You-you have a lot of talent.”

 

Akaashi felt his cheeks heat up a bit in embarrassment, glad Bokuto couldn’t really see his face from his position. He wanted to say that Bokuto was beautiful when he was on the court in his element. Something sappy about how he shone brighter than a star. Akaashi didn’t know where the compliments that wanted to spew forth or the determination came from. It felt…. Strange. He knew he wasn’t a very passionate person by nature. He didn’t want Bokuto to see the way being around him had changed Akaashi. That someone even could bring emotions like this out of him was startling.

 

Although even Akaashi had to admit that it was true. He’d never seen anybody as captivating as Bokuto.

 

Bokuto pulled away enough to look up into Akaashi’s face. Akaashi put all of his willpower into trying to bring down his blush. Although how well Bokuto could see it in the first place when he was seeing in only black and white was a mystery.

 

Bokuto’s face was covered in dust and dried tears but his eyes were wide and lit up in amazement. “REALLY? YOU MEAN IT AKAASHI?! AS MUCH AS I WANT!?”

 

Akaashi thought of how much Bokuto usually wanted tosses. Constantly demanding them until Blakistoni had to leave. How when he was in top form he seemed to never run out of energy. Akaashi nodded determinedly and let a small smile curl up the corners of his mouth.

 

“AKAASHIIIII!” Bokuto threw himself forward back onto Akaashi, wrapping his arms around his waist. It knocked Akaashi back onto the ground with a grunt, but he brought his arms up around Bokuto’s shoulders anyway.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Akaashi thought he was prepared for all the tosses he’d have to do. But he was wrong. Even at Bokuto’s most tired he wanted to do at least two more full carts worth of balls even after a regular practice with Blakistoni. That wasn’t even touching on how long Bokuto could go for when he was in peak mood and condition. Sometimes Akaashi was lucky to get out of practice after three extra hours. He never felt so lucky to live close to the school.

 

Actually, walking home with Bokuto quickly became the best part of Akaashi’s day. It made up for even the worst practices in Akaashi’s mind. Akaashi kept telling Bokuto it wasn't necessary to keep walking him home, but Bokuto kept insisting it wasn't safe alone at night.

 

“Don't worry though Akaashi! I’ll protect you no matter how tired I am!”

 

Akaashi always had a scathing comment, but even Bokuto's cheesy ‘valiant knight’ pose sent a swoop through Akaashi's stomach.

 

After all that practice Bokuto was always a bit more subdued though. He’d walk close enough that Akaashi felt his warmth radiating all along his side. Sometimes he’d talk quietly about school or their teammates or Kuroo’s latest antics. Other nights though. Other nights he would fade out and get an intense look on his face. Akaashi thought he was thinking about his spikes, but could never be sure. He just knew that Bokuto's rare pensive look did things to him.

 

Without fail, every time they got to Akaashi's house, Bokuto would stop Akaashi to say a proper goodbye and set one of his rough hands on Akaashi's shoulder, when he turned away to leave, his hand would linger so that it ended up trailing all the way down Akaashi's bicep.

 

The first time it happened Akaashi was sure he’d never catch his breath again.

 

After Bokuto left he would go into his house, and most of the time, the house would be dark with a note on the table. Now, though, the heat of Bokuto's touch on his shoulder and the look in his eyes would linger long into the night, through dinner, and homework, and as he was lying in bed. Akaashi couldn't remember the last time he felt so content.

 

Slowly but surely things at regular practice were changing too. The harder Bokuto worked at his straights in private with Akaashi the more confident he felt in his other skills. Unfortunately for Blakistoni this meant Bokuto was asking for specific things from him more, and just speaking up more in general. Unfortunately for Akaashi, he was also bringing Akaashi into it quite a bit saying things like, “I like it when Akaashi sets it higher.” and “You should show Akaashi that so he can do that when we practice later.” His constant shouts from across the gym of “Did you see that Akaashi! Aren’t I cool!?” also didn't help. Blakistoni looked like he was always two seconds from exploding these days.

 

One day it finally all came to a head.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Mimizuku called a meeting to review some things after their last practice before summer break and their week long training camp. With Kuroo. Akaashi was already dreading it.

 

“Alright. Now for some team business. We’ve talked to the coach and decided on a new team captain.” Several students shifted and started muttering to each other in a low voice. “Now, listen. I’m not leaving until after the spring tournament. I want to stay as long as I can to help the new captain adjust to things, although I can’t speak for the rest of the third years. Anyway. There is one student among you who we have seen work harder and put more sheer effort in than almost anyone we’ve ever seen. It reflects itself in their new attitude. Therefore, it's been decided that Bokuto will become the captain next year. You can decide your own vice-captain of course, but we strongly recommend Akaashi despite being a first year.”

 

When Akaashi looked around he saw that most of the second years were grinning and some were patting Bokuto on the back. It occurred to Akaashi somewhat hazily that they were at least aware of this possibility and maybe even in on the choice. Bokuto looked like maybe his soul had left his body. Akaashi could relate, he felt kind of floaty. Bokuto met his eyes and something seemed to snap into awareness in them.

 

“Akaashi! I-I mean of course I want Akaashi! As a vice-captain I mean! Of course I do. He’s the best and I couldn't have improved without him!” Bokuto was blushing a bright red at this point but Akaashi was barely processing enough to note it.

 

Vice-captain. Akaashi was having a hard time believing it. People were patting him on the back now.

 

Akaashi wasn’t given long to process though. He was snapped out of it by a loud voice shouting from off to the side of the group.

 

“You can’t give management of the team over to the likes of them! Bokuto's going to go into an emo mode mid-game like usual and the whole team would sink! Akaashi's only a first year!”

 

It was Blakistoni. He looked madder than Akaashi had ever seen anyone. His whole face was red and looking into his eyes might kill someone but. But. Akaashi respected his senpai, but he just couldn't take him looking down on Bokuto anymore.

 

Blakistoni was marching right toward Bokuto, the other team members scattering before his anger. Bokuto seemed frozen. Akaashi threw himself in front of Bokuto with his arms thrown out to the sides.

 

“Leave Bokuto alone! He’s worked hard for this! He's actually really dependable! He deserves this more than anyone and I’m frankly sick of you looking down on him for no reason!” Akaashi was panting. He couldn't believe he would talk to anyone this way. The little ‘Akaashi’ he heard come from behind him in a strange, strangled sounding voice let him put most of his misgivings behind him though.

 

Blakistoni’s face twisted into a painful looking sneer. “How dare you butt in, you stupid upstart first year.” It didn't sound or look like the Blakistoni Akaashi had known. “You don't know anything! Amachi was perfect! The perfect ace! Now I’m forced to deal with this hack! And listen while everyone praises him just for not falling apart! The rest of us keep it together just fine! And you! You’ll never know real skill or a real ace! Get out of my way! I’m done with this sorry excuse for a team!”

 

Akaashi didn’t get the chance to respond before he was shoved hard in the chest. Akaashi had no way to balance himself and could feel himself falling fast. He was standing close enough to Bokuto that his head hit against him and Bokuto was able to keep his balance and catch Akaashi around the chest and lowered them both to the floor so they wouldn't get hurt. Blakistoni stormed right past them, Akaashi thought he may have seen the beginnings of tears in his eyes.

 

Akaashi's hand automatically wandered up to Bokuto's and rested over it. Bokuto's eyes were the size of plates but when he spoke his voice was surprisingly gentle. “Are you okay Akaashi?”

 

Akaashi tilted his head back further, leaning it on Bokuto's shoulder, letting himself slump a minute. “I think I’m okay Bokuto-san. Are you okay?”

 

Akaashi thought he felt Bokuto tighten his grip around Akaashi, holding him a little closer. “Akaashi, that was one of the bravest, nicest things anyone's ever done for me. Thank you.”

 

Akaashi let himself press a smile somewhere near Bokuto's clavicle. “Any time Bokuto-san. I am your vice-captain now after all.”

 

“AKAASHI~”

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Akaashi was sitting on the bus trying to deal with sitting next to a Bokuto who was basically vibrating in his seat, thinking about Mimizuku’s face when he told the team that he would talk to Blakistoni, when he got a text. Akaashi had to stare at the phone for a while before he had the courage to open it. Not many people had Akaashi’s phone number to text him. His parents would call or email and Bokuto was the only one on the team with it. Bokuto was right next to him so he would just show him whatever owl meme it was on his phone.

 

**“Congrats on getting vice -captain. I am not responsible for Kuroo. Sorry in advance.”**

 

Akaashi realized it was Kenma, and also that he was doomed if Kuroo had something planned.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The foreboding feeling in Akaashi’s stomach got stronger. Instead of ignoring everyone and playing on his phone, Kenma kept making pained faces at Akaashi from behind Kuroo and Bokuto’s obnoxious display.

 

This time Bokuto didn’t leave Akaashi alone for long. As soon as he was done hugging Kuroo he was right back over to Akaashi and actually wrapped an arm around his shoulders, in what Akaashi knew was a friendly gesture, but that heated him up from the inside.

 

“Kuroo, Akaashi gets to be our main setter now! Isn’t that cool!?” Bokuto kind of shook him a bit. Akaashi should probably move out from under his arm. He didn’t.

 

Kuroo smirked wide and hooked an arm over Kenma to pull him into his side. He scrunched his nose up but allowed it. “Hey, look at that. Congrats dude. Now both of us have our favorite people as our regular setters.”

 

Bokuto became a solid wall of frozen tension next to him. So it was already started then. Akaashi sighed and patted Bokuto’s hand a couple times. “I’m sure it’s not quite the same Kuroo-san, you two are soulmates. Also I’m not sure you should be talking to next year's captain like that.”

 

Kuroo’s smirk broke into a wide smile. “I almost forgot-”

 

“No you didn’t.”

 

“Shh Kenma. I got you a present for making captain!” Kuroo took his arm from around Kenma and shrugged his bag off his shoulders to dig around in it for a second. He came up with a flatish package in blue shiny paper with a big silver bow. Akaashi was instantly suspicious.

 

Bokuto bounced on the balls of his feet and reached forward with one arm to take it. “Thanks Kuroo! You’re the best!”

 

Akaashi realized he was holding Bokuto’s hand to his shoulder and quickly let go. He glanced up and around to see if anyone had noticed, only to see Kenma staring at him. He looked back at Bokuto. Bokuto was holding his present in his other hand staring at it. It went on for so long Kuroo interjected. “Dude. Are you going to open it or stare at it all night?”

 

Bokuto jolted like an electric shock. “Right! Yes! Right now of course! Haha!”

 

He slowly slid his arm from around Akaashi’s shoulder, sending a shiver up Akaashi’s spine and immediately started ripping it open. When Akaashi looked up at Kuroo, he was giving him a look that seemed to say ‘what the fuck was that?’ Akaashi shook his head a bit and Kuroo raised an eyebrow slowly in contemplation. Both were jarred from their shared looks by a screech from Bokuto. “Whoa! You got me compression pads! THAT'S SO COOL! I’m gonna look so cool Akaashi! You’re the best Kuroo!”

 

Kuroo started laughing. “It’s from Kenma too. We got Akaashi something for making vice-captain, but it has to wait until after training camp.”

 

Akaashi stopped side eyeing Bokuto and his knee pads long enough to shoot a Look at Kuroo. “You really shouldn’t have.”

 

Kuroo was smirking again. “Oh, but I really had too.”

 

Kenma shook his head.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Thankfully for Akaashi, he and Bokuto couldn't stay with Kuroo and Kenma very long because they had to put their bags where they were sleeping.

 

“Here Akaashi let me take your bag! I’ll put it right next to mine like last time hoho.” Bokuto didn't even give Akaashi a chance to respond before he snagged Akaashi's duffle bag. Akaashi's stomach dropped all the way to his ankles when he saw that Bokuto was putting their bags in the farthest corner.

 

He remembered last time in explicit detail, but he’d somehow managed to convince himself that it was a one-time thing. He vividly recalled the feeling of Bokuto's heat surrounding him. And crying. Akaashi had to work to suppress his blush.

 

His face still must have been doing something though, because when Bokuto looked up at Akaashi again his smile dropped immediately and he rushed over.

 

“Akaashi! What’s wrong!?” Bokuto's eyes were wide and panicked and it was hard to meet them.

 

“It's nothing Bokuto-san.” Akaashi was glad his voice came out level.

 

The noise had attracted the attention of Konaha and Mimizuku who were also putting their stuff down. Konaha was quick to interject. “You know Bokuto, he’s probably upset he’s stuck alone in the corner with you again.”

 

Captain Mimizuku took this as his cue. “If it really bothers you Akaashi we could stick you on the end of the second year row again, or hell, next to me and Ural since Blakistoni left and see how it goes. Lord knows we gave Bokuto more chances than I can count, and it was your first training camp.”

 

Akaashi was mortified. It only got worse when he glanced back at Bokuto. It was obvious he was upset. He still had a panicked look in his eyes, but his lips were pressed tightly together. Akaashi wondered what it was he wanted to say. He had an idea of what it might be and the thought sent a shiver up his spine.

 

Akaashi sighed. He couldn't do anything when Bokuto was looking like that. “It’s fine captain. I wouldn't want to bother anyone.”

 

“AKAASHI!” Bokuto screeched and launched himself at Akaashi, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Akaashi knew he was failing at stopping his blush from showing, the laughter he could hear from the other side of the room wasn’t helping.

 

“Bokuto-san. Personal space please.”

 

Bokuto jumped away and scratched the back of his head. “Sorry Akaashi! I'm just happy I won't be alone!”

 

He was so cute. Akaashi could feel his face softening against his will. “It's alright Bokuto-san.”

 

Bokuto was definitely blushing himself now. Akaashi would give anything to just-just reach forward and cup the red in his hands, stroke his thumb across his cheekbone. Lean in and tell him he never had to be alone if he didn't want to be. Press his lips-

 

Akaashi's thoughts came to a screeching halt when a hand landed on his shoulder.

 

It was Mimizuku. He still had a grin on his face. “Hey Akaashi, while I’ve got you here would you mind having a word in private?”

 

“I-no of course not.” Akaashi couldn't believe where his head had been going. He was lucky Mimizuku stopped him, although he couldn't imagine what Mimizuku would want with him and not Bokuto.

 

Akaashi chanced a glance back over at Bokuto to see him blinking really fast in what seemed to be confusion.

 

Akaashi looked back at Mimizuku who gestured toward the hallway. He didn't go very far down, just enough to be away from the doorway.

 

When he turned around to talk to Akaashi his face was much more serious. “Look, Akaashi. I know I’m putting a lot of pressure on you. The truth is though that I’ve been trying to find a way to help Bokuto since he first started and nothing I’ve done has worked. You’re the first person I’ve seen able and willing to put up with him.” He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, “Bokuto is a good motivator and great for his teammates in top form. If he wasn’t an asset he wouldn’t be a regular, much less my choice for captain. I know Blakistoni didn’t help. Hell, I saw he was worse this year and I let it go to far and that’s my mistake as a captain.” Mimizuku glared at the floor, “I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself for how things played out with him. He got too attached to one player and lost it when he left. I’m just not sure why-” He sighed loudly and looked back up at Akaashi. “My point is: I hope you learn from your senior’s mistakes. Adjust things for people individually. Work with Bokuto, but don’t lose it when he leaves, please, you’ll be the captain by then. I’m going to be sitting out for most of the camp so I can observe and give Sarukui a chance to practice. All of this on top of being your first time playing as a starter is a lot. I know. Please do your best!”

 

Mimizuku bowed abruptly. Akaashi backed up a step in surprise. “I-of course. I’ll do my best. Thank you, captain.”

 

Mimizuku stood up straight with a grin. “I know you will, you’re such a good kohai!” He reached out and ruffled Akaashi’s hair. Akaashi swatted at his hand in reflex and Mimizuku backed away still grinning. “Well I’ll see you in the gym!” Then he turned away back down the hallway.

 

Akaashi stood there fixing his hair and staring down the hallway after him for a good minute. Something was swelling in his chest. It hadn’t really occurred to him just how much he had agreed to take on.

 

Before the feeling could take over his whole body the door slammed open behind him. Akaashi may or may not have jumped. Bokuto stuck his head out. “Are you done talking to the captain yet? I wanna show you my new pads! They’re super cool, come see!”

 

Akaashi took a deep breath. Maybe if he was with Bokuto he’d be okay.

 

He headed back into the room. And stopped. Cold.

 

Bokuto was posing in the middle of the floor and Akaashi couldn’t stop staring at his legs. The new pads covered a lot more of his legs, from below his knee all the way up to the edge of his shorts. But somehow it showed off his legs even better? And the black against his pale shorts seemed to highlight his thighs. His, really toned, thighs. Really, Very muscly. Akaashi couldn’t see exactly where they ended and he was overcome with the need to put his hands all over them. Start all the way down at Bokuto’s shins and run his hands slowly up the length of the pads, pressing on the inside of Bokuto’s thighs until he found skin again.

 

“-shi? Akaashi? How do they look?” Bokuto broke into Akaashi’s thoughts. Akaashi blinked as hard as he could a couple times to get his mind back on track. Bokuto had stopped posing in the last few seconds and was now staring at him worriedly.

 

“Ah, they look fine Bokuto-san. Very cool, maybe they’ll even help with your jumping.” Akaashi’s mouth was very dry, he was surprised he got anything out.

 

Bokuto lit up. “Yeah they are cool! I’m gonna jump super high! Thanks Akaashi!” He was already practically jumping around the room. His grin warmed Akaashi, made him want to grab Bokuto’s shoulders and kiss it off him. He wondered what pure sunlight tasted like.

 

He needed to get a hold of himself. He wondered if it was the stress.

 

He shook his head and grabbed his water bottle from his bag. “Let’s go Bokuto-san. The rest of the team is probably waiting for us.”

 

“Yeah let’s go Akaashi!”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

In the end Akaashi and Bokuto were the last to get to the gym and had to cut their stretching short. The side eyeing they received from their teammates was not appreciated, but dealt with. At least with stretching being shorter it gave Akaashi less of a chance to stare at Bokuto in his new knee pads.

 

Akaashi’s relief didn’t last long though when he saw that their first opponents were going to be Nekoma. Kuroo came over to slap Bokuto’s back before the match, trailed by Kenma, who was forced to put down the games to play now that he was a regular. Akaashi’s stomach sunk. Now he was going to have to deal with Kuroo’s comments on top of trying to not stare at Bokuto, trying to keep Bokuto’s spirits up almost single-handedly, and playing a decent volleyball game as a starting setter for the first time. He was doomed.

 

It started… okay.

 

Bokuto seemed to be in good spirits after this morning. That was the most important part to Akaashi. He hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to the team yet about his plan to work around Bokuto’s mood swings, so if he fell they were almost guaranteed a loss. A loss during their first match would bring down everyone’s mood for at least the rest of the day, if not the rest of camp.

 

That would reflect badly on Akaashi to Mimizuku who was leaning forward on the bench, observing how the team worked. Akaashi found he desperately didn’t want to let the captain down. He liked being depended on. It made him feel needed and important. Even he could admit that to himself. And remembering how far down Blakistoni had ended up sinking would probably haunt Akaashi for the rest of his time playing.

 

Kuroo kept sending him little winks across the court that made Akaashi want to reach across the net and slap him. He was doing his best to ignore Bokuto while still sending him perfect tosses and it was very stressful, so if Kuroo could stop that would be great. Of course Akaashi knew if he acknowledged Kuroo in any way it would just get worse, so he worked on keeping his expression as blank as possible.

 

Then around point 20 things changed.

 

Akaashi let himself slip for half a second. The toss had been a hard one to angle right so Akaashi had to pay more attention to where exactly it went afterwards. And Bokuto. Bokuto. He arched into the air beautifully, his shorts riding up just a bit until a slip of skin showed above his knee pads. Akaashi’s breath caught in his throat.

 

Then Bokuto slammed a straight spike right through Kuroo’s fingers. The noise was so loud it rang in Akaashi’s ears long after it hit while he stood there blinking. It was Bokuto’s first straight in a match since they started practicing. Kuroo’s eyes were so wide they seemed to take up half his face. Even Kenma behind him looked shocked. All Akaashi’s teammates were screaming around him.

 

But Bokuto ran up to him first. “AKAASHI! DID YOU SEE THAT!? I GOT A STRAIGHT THROUGH! IT’S ALL THANKS TO YOU AKAASHI!”

 

Bokuto was glistening with sweat, his face radiating brighter than ever, his hands held up for a double high-five. Akaashi felt in a daze, but a smile split his face slowly and he held his hands up to get slapped. Bokuto’s slap was done with so much force Akaashi had to take a half-step back to keep his balance. Then the rest of the team was slapping Bokuto on the back, and Bokuto stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Akaashi’s shoulders.

 

He was such a good solid weight. Akaashi knew they had hugged a couple times now, but Akaashi so rarely got close to anyone for any reason that each time felt special and different. On top of that, besides when Bokuto was asleep, he had been depressed and hurting. This was the first time he’d had Bokuto’s brightness so close to him. He was sweaty and warm with his arms right next to Akaashi’s face and Akaashi didn’t trust himself to raise his own arms to reciprocate. He wondered if this is what it felt like when an owl stared straight into the light of the moon for too long and got moon blindness.

 

A sharp whistle rang out through the moment. Akaashi managed to turn his head to see who it was as Bokuto’s arms loosened. He saw it was a grinning Mimizuku. He wondered how he’d gotten a hold of a whistle. “Alright guys we’re holding the game up! Good job Bokuto.”

 

The rest of the team slipped quickly back into their positions, Bokuto shooting him one last grin. Akaashi was thinking. This was their chance. Nekoma was two points behind them now and with everyone working off the high that they’d gotten from Bokuto’s spike they should be more motivated than ever.

 

The problem, Akaashi found, was with him.

 

Now that he’d let himself look once at Bokuto, he couldn’t seem to stop. Each jump was a chance at seeing that slip of skin above his knee pads, each whoop of victory a chance at a hint of stomach. His arms bulged when he hit the ball and sweat dripped down his face making him look intense. And he was tense. Ever since the hug he could feel that he wasn’t moving quite right, but wasn’t sure how to fix it.

 

Between the distraction and his desperate need to give perfect tosses, he was straining himself. A couple of his tosses went completely haywire. Bokuto managed to get one somehow and get it over the net, but Sarukui missed one completely. Nekoma had closed the gap and was gaining and Bokuto was now shooting him Looks.

 

Set point for Nekoma and Kenma does a setter dump over the net. Akaashi was so busy concentrating on the looks Kuroo was shooting him so loudly he could practically hear the “Ohoho~” that he didn’t notice what Kenma was doing until a few milliseconds too late. He knew it was too late too, but watching the setter was his job. He turned as fast as he could in the other direction and slipped.

 

The ball hit the floor only a couple inches in front of his face, and a sharp pain shot up from his ankle.

 

Akaashi felt like he’d blacked out for a couple seconds there. He was sure if he did it wasn’t because of the ankle, but rather the hard ball of guilt in his stomach. He let the team down. The loss was his fault.

 

The next thing he saw was a hand right in front of his face. He knew whose it was even before he saw his face. Akaashi reached out and grabbed it. Bokuto hauled him up slowly, taking a good deal of Akaashi’s weight, more than Akaashi would have put on him if he was more sure of his ankle. Sure enough, when Akaashi was standing again he found that putting his full weight on his left ankle sent a sharp jolt up his leg. He shifted so he was leaning more on his right and looked up to gauge Bokuto’s face.

 

He looked concerned. Akaashi felt his face tighten. If Bokuto lost his good mood because of Akaashi’s loss… “Are you okay Akaashi? You were on the floor there for a while. That sounded like a hard landing.”

 

It felt like he was sinking in deep water. “I’m fine Bokuto-san. I was just winded for a minute.”

 

He knew he couldn’t tell anyone about his injury. He’d just lost them the first practice match of the training camp and more importantly; Fukurodani didn’t have any reserve setters. He wasn’t sure what would happen if he couldn’t play, he’d somehow never got around to asking what Blakistoni had done for a substitution last year. Maybe he’d been good enough to never need one.

 

He couldn’t look Bokuto in the eyes and lie though, so he swept his eyes over toward the Nekoma side of the net. Kuroo looked like he was coming over to brag to Bokuto, but got stopped right in front of the net when he saw what was going on. Both him and Kenma looked vaguely guilty. Akaashi privately thought that it served Kuroo right.

 

Then he made the mistake of turning to look over at the benches. Most of the team was crowded around Mimizuku, whose face Akaashi couldn’t see through everyone’s backs. Was he upset? Maybe he’d take away Akaashi’s vice-captaincy for this. Fuck, what if he took away Bokuto’s captaincy?

 

Akaashi was so distracted thinking about it he took his first step toward the bench with his left foot. The unexpected pain made him stumble pretty badly, and his breath caught, Bokuto grabbed his elbow just in time to stop him from falling. Akaashi felt his heart trying to beat out of his chest. “Whoa Akaashi! Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

Akaashi turned his head away from Bokuto again as he gently tugged his elbow out of Bokuto’s grip. Kenma was pale and his eyes were wide. Akaashi cursed loudly in his head. “I’m fine Bokuto-san. Just a bit of left over vertigo from standing up too fast maybe. I’ll be fine.”

 

Bokuto took a step back, hands still up like he was ready to grab him again. “If you’re really sure Akaashi.”

 

Akaashi braced himself. Bokuto’s eyes were wide in worry. “I’m sure Bokuto-san.”

 

He took a step forward. Then another. The pain still lanced up his leg, but now that Akaashi was expecting it, he could grit his teeth and keep himself steady on it through the pain. He started at a pace slower than his normal walking speed, but sped up to normal on the way over to the bench, Bokuto keeping pace beside him, keeping a careful eye on him.

 

When he got close enough, the semi-circle around Mimizuku opened up to let him through, and Mimizuku himself stood up. Akaashi noticed that he was actually quite tall, he had a good few centimeters on even Bokuto. He was smiling, but his brown eyes looked grim. He put his hand on Akaashi’s shoulder. Akaashi found he barely noticed that it was his left shoulder, which put more pressure on his left side, including his ankle. He was to worried about what Mimizuku had to say.

 

He cleared his throat a little awkwardly before he spoke. “Good game Akaashi. You did fine, I’m uh, sorry I put so much pressure on you right beforehand heh. It’ll be alright.”

 

Akaashi felt a lump growing in his throat that he did his best to  swallow down. He nodded. Mimizuku nodded back, then turned around and clapped to get everyone’s attention again. “Alright team, take five to get a drink and then it’s a lap of diving receives!”

 

Akaashi felt panic flood through him. He’d forgotten about the penalty. A match he could probably do on his ankle if he was careful and was willing to endure a little pain, he wasn’t sure he could do diving receives.

 

He took a quick glance around and everyone seemed preoccupied with getting drinks and towels, so he took his chance. He turned and quietly slipped out the door to the outside.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Once he was outside he let himself lean on the building to take some of the pressure off. He only managed to get around the first corner when he misjudged the ground a bit and the added pain made him curse. Looking at the ground ahead of him, walking anymore seemed too painful. He turned and allowed himself to slid slowly down the wall. When he was sitting he slowly moved his left leg until it was straight out in front of him.

 

He banged his head back against the brick wall behind him. He just… Couldn't believe that he’d failed so badly. Everything had been going perfectly. Is this really the type of person he was becoming? The type who got distracted from one moment with their soulmate? Maybe it was better for him to be alone if being even this close to Bokuto meant he was letting down his team.

 

Akaashi slowly lowered his head down onto his right knee. He’d clearly let Kuroo’s goading get to him. He wondered if maybe distracting him had been Kuroo's goal in the first place. If so he’d succeeded far beyond what even Akaashi thought was possible.

 

On top of everything else he’d messed up his ankle, he didn't even know how badly. The only good thing in all this was that it was a practice match and not a real game.

 

“Hey hey hey! There you are Akaa- wha! Why are you crying?” Bokuto came wandering around the corner. Akaashi looked up in surprise. He hadn't even known he'd been crying in the first place.

 

He wiped hard at his face, futility trying to make himself look okay. Then he just looked up at Bokuto. Bokuto looked shocked and concerned and Akaashi just didn't know what to do. He didn't think he would even be missed until after the team had finished the diving receives and he didn't even think he could get up right now and and he was crying again, he could feel the water on his face now and quickly turned it again so he didn't have to see Bokuto’s expression anymore.

 

Akaashi wasn't sure what he expected Bokuto to do now. He was hoping that Bokuto would just leave and give Akaashi his space to come back on his own. He hoped he would keep what he saw to himself, but that didn't seem like Bokuto. Maybe he would go inside and get a teacher.

 

Bokuto did none of those things. What he did was quietly go over to Akaashi and put an arm around Akaashi’s upper back. He let Akaashi cry for a few minutes undisturbed. Akaashi did his best to gather himself and stop crying. It was all so embarrassing. Akaashi was glad, in the back of his mind anyway, that it was Bokuto and not anyone else. He hated people seeing him upset.

 

But eventually he stopped crying and tilted his head back against the wall. The air felt good on his face, and the shift brought him a bit closer to Bokuto. He still didn’t think he could talk through the lump in his throat. He could feel Bokuto’s eyes on him now. Bokuto made a noise in the back of his throat and Akaashi tilted his head a bit to see what the problem was. Bokuto looked really intense, like he was angry maybe? Definitely upset. Akaashi looked away after a quick glance. Akaashi didn’t get very far though. Bokuto used the arm around his back and hand on his shoulder to squeeze him tighter to Bokuto’s side and gently press his head to his shoulder. Akaashi was tense and stiff, but everything felt so good and warm he couldn’t resist melting into it for long. Bokuto hummed and ran his hand through Akaashi’s hair.

 

“Akaashi. You know you can lean on people right? That you can- that you can lean on me?” Bokuto’s voice was soft and deep right next to Akaashi’s ear. It seemed to reverberate through Akaashi’s whole body, he tensed up so he wouldn’t shiver.

 

Akaashi couldn’t say anything.

 

“You’ve helped me so much since you’ve been here Akaashi. I owe you so much. You’ve-you’ve become my best friend. I wanna help you.” Akaashi’s heart skipped a beat and he tilted his head into Bokuto’s shoulder. “Is it-are you upset because we lost? I heard some of what Mimizuku said to you. I didn’t- I didn’t mean to eavesdrop I was just worried. I know people are saying and thinking that you’re the one that’s going to be captain for real next year. That you’re the only one who can handle me. That you’ll carry the team. But. But you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to Akaashi. You definitely don’t have to do it alone! I wanna help you! I’m going to be a great captain next year, and I want you beside me. But not if it makes you stressed or upset.”

 

“Bokuto-san.” Akaashi finally found his voice. It felt like pushing through lead to get it out but Akaashi found he couldn’t be a passive participant in this conversation anymore. Bokuto got very still at the sound of Akaashi’s voice. “I want, very much, to work with you and be your vice-captain next year.”

 

“Akaashi.” It was little more than a whisper. Bokuto tightened his hold on Akaashi and Akaashi took a deep breath.

 

Akaashi continued. “I don’t believe that you won’t be a good captain. I refuse to believe it. You’re good for the team. I’m just mad at myself is all. Everyone was counting on me and I let myself get distracted. I dragged the whole team down.”

 

Bokuto leaned his head down so it was resting on Akaashi’s. He sighed. “Akaashi. I really care about you, but it seems like you’re being too hard on yourself. I saw at the beginning of the set how hard you were pushing yourself already. You tell me all the time that no one person can carry a team. If I can’t carry it alone as the ace then neither can you! You worked way too hard to make sure things were perfect. Your tosses don’t need to be perfect for me Akaashi. I’ll hit it, because you tossed it. The two of us can carry this team together. I promise Akaashi!”

 

Akaashi pulled away from Bokuto so that he could look at his face. He was grinning again and Akaashi wanted nothing more than to kiss him. “You have to promise me one more thing if we’re going to carry the team together Bokuto-san. If you can’t hit one of my tosses you have to tell me. You have to tell me when you’re having a hard time. I want you to hit my tosses, but I don’t want you to try if you know you can’t. If we’re a team it goes both ways.”

 

Bokuto’s grin fell into a smaller, softer smile. Akaashi couldn’t help but think his eyes were looking a bit haunted. “I promise Akaashi. The last thing I want is to promise I’ll hit your tosses and then fail and lose your trust. I don’t want to let you down.”

 

Akaashi gathered his strength and reached a hand out to Bokuto’s hand in the grass. “The only way you’ll let me down is by not trying your best or by trying to hide things from me.”

 

Bokuto’s eyes widened a little and a blush spread slowly across his nose, his eyes drifting away from Akaashi’s after a moment. Akaashi was abruptly reminded of how close they were and that he was holding Bokuto’s hand. He promptly let go of Bokuto’s hand and tried to move back a little. The sudden movement jolted Akaashi’s forgotten ankle and he let out a startled cry at the pain.

 

This freaked Bokuto out. He immediately whipped back toward Akaashi and waved his hands in the air around Akaashi’s body. “What!? What is it?! Are you hurt!? Why didn’t you tell me Akaasssshhiiii!?”

 

“I’m fine Bokuto-san. I just…. May have hurt my ankle a bit when I went for Kenma-san’s dump at the end. I can keep playing.” Akaashi was already wincing internally. He was expecting no end of trouble now that Bokuto knew about his possible injury.

 

He did not expect Bokuto to put his arm under his knees and back around his back and lift him into the air. Bokuto announcing, “You can’t walk on an injury Akaashi, are you crazy! I’ll carry you no problem! You can count on me!”

 

Akaashi was speechless. Even if he could find words he wasn’t sure Bokuto would let him get them out at this rate. He wrapped his arms around Bokuto more on reflex than anything else. Akaashi knew he hadn’t managed to get very far from the gym, but Bokuto was obviously having no trouble lifting him. It was… impressive. He wondered how much Bokuto could lift. He thought he’d hate being carried like this, but it actually felt really… good to be held like this.

 

When they got to the doors Bokuto kicked them both open and announced, loudly, “Akaashi’s hurt! Someone come help!”

 

When everyone in the gym turned to look at them Akaashi was a bit less appreciative.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It turned out to be a minor sprain. Akaashi was forbidden to play or even walk on it much until Friday. That meant that he would only get about two actual days of practice matches with everyone, assuming his ankle even cooperated. On top of that, Bokuto was hovering worse than Akaashi had ever seen, wanting to carry him all over the place.

 

Akaashi’s main worry was solved much more easily than he had even imagined. Mimizuku had originally wanted to be a setter and had been trained for it in middle school. He wasn’t… very good, to say the least. It definitely wasn't worth him continuing when he was such a good spiker, especially since he was left handed. In an emergency he was okay subbing though. Mimizuku seemed embarrassed when Akaashi asked about it, so he tried not to pry.

 

Akaashi thought the team would be mad at him, but they acted more apologetic than anything else, to Akaashi's confusion. Even though they lost almost every set for the rest of the day, they were careful not to grumble too much, and whenever they were at the bench at least one would pat Akaashi on the shoulder or offer to get him something. Bokuto, of course, being the worst repeat offender. Mimizuku would always have a question about how he was setting, and Akaashi tried to give him some help. He’s not sure how well it worked. It felt a little weird to be trying to teach his captain anything in the first place, but it was probably good practice for next year.

 

Bokuto… was in a surprisingly good mood for the rest of the day. Although whenever the rotation had them playing Nekoma he got a little… Aggressive. In fact Nekoma was the only team they won against all day. Akaashi wondered if Bokuto was more stable because he felt responsible for Akaashi. If that was the case it boded well for next year when he’d be responsible for the whole team.

 

Akaashi took the time he had sitting on the bench mostly, guiltily, watching Bokuto. He figured a large part of his distraction was because he was paying to much attention to Bokuto's leg’s in his new knee pads. So if he spent this time staring he’d get desensitized to them.

 

This earned a few sideways looks from Shirofuku, but Akaashi offered to buy her some rice balls later and she mimed zipping her lips and pointedly looked away.

 

Akaashi had been looking for a chance to talk to the rest of the team without Bokuto there. He unexpectedly got his chance that night at dinner.

 

Bokuto insisted on carrying him even though the coach had crutches he was borrowing. Akaashi only put up a token protest. He told himself he hated it and everything that had to do with it, like the way it made everyone stare at them, but Akaashi knew it was all a lie. The whole thing seemed to feed something primal in him. The new knowledge that Bokuto could manhandle him around. Throw him over his shoulder or pin him to a wall. He should have been embarrassed by all the eyes on them, but it just made him possessive. His brain kept saying things like; ‘ _Yes this boy is mine, back off. Look how well he can take care of me.’_ He was kind of disgusted with himself. He figured he could pin at least some of it on a soulmate thing though. He hoped. It wasn’t like he was about to ask someone.

 

Once he was deposited down into a cafeteria chair the whole team instantly swarmed around him like some kind of bodyguards. He was a little bewildered, but he took it for the opportunity it was. “Thank you Bokuto-san. Would you mind getting my lunch for me as well?”

 

His eyes seemed to sparkle at Akaashi’s asking. “Of course Akaashi! Whatever you want!” Then he immediately went off. He didn’t even ask what he wanted to eat. Akaashi sighed.

 

He turned to address the team, they were talking amongst themselves, but quieted when Akaashi spoke like they had been waiting for it. “I have an idea for dealing with Bokuto-san during games and I need your help to implement it.”

 

Mimizuku sat back with a satisfied smile Akaashi wasn’t sure he’d earned. Komi addressed him. “We’ve been trying for years to help Bokuto out. I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say we’ll try anything.” Everyone around the table either nodded or made agreeing noises so Akaashi continued.

 

“I made Bokuto-san promise to tell me if he doesn’t think he will be able to hit a spike. He can tell when he’s hitting a depressive mood better than anyone else. Until he tells me I’m going to keep tossing to him like normal so he doesn’t think we’ve lost faith in him at any point. The second part is where I need your help. First, we need to make sure and praise him whenever he does good spikes, especially after a mood drop. Next, I’m going to toss it to him to make any really important spikes in a game, such as the last point in each set. He’s our ace anyway and ace’s generally take those points, but the cooler he thinks he looks the easier it is for him to keep his mood up.”

 

Konaha spoke up. “This sounds like a good and well-thought-out plan, but it sounds like it’ll really inflate his ego.”

 

Akaashi smirked a bit. “Don’t worry about it. I’m his setter and soon to be his vice-captain. I’ll deflate it when he needs it, you guys just work on keeping it up. At least during games.”

 

Everyone said “right” at the same time, then devolved into snickers. Everyone except Mimizuku anyway. He was still sitting there with a proud gleam in his eye.

 

Bokuto came back soon after and Akaashi hoped with all his heart his plan really worked. For Bokuto’s sake if for no other reason.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Later that night he didn’t bother trying to fight off a sleeping Bokuto when he wrapped his arms around him. He didn’t bother to think about things. He let himself enjoy being able to feel Bokuto’s arms around him, easing him off to sleep. He even finally let his fingers carefully trail over his biceps. Akaashi didn’t think he’d ever slept so well. He wondered if that was a soulmate thing to. Maybe there was hope for him.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The next few days went much the same. He would get carried everywhere by Bokuto when they weren’t playing a set, then sit on the bench during the games and give out advice. Now that he’d talked to them last night the rest of the team was much more open about asking and talking about things than they’d ever been before, so that it wasn’t just Mimizuku and Bokuto talking to him. It made him wonder if he’d been a bit standoffish with the team before as a side effect of him trying to either avoid or spend time with Bokuto. In a way it made him getting injured seem like a good team-building exercise. Everyone would have to be comfortable talking to him when he became vice-captain next year.

 

On the opposite side of things Kuroo and Kenma seemed to be avoiding him. They didn’t talk to him at all the next few days. He wondered if they really felt that bad about distracting him a little. It was ultimately his own fault. Kuroo was a pain in the ass, but he obviously wasn’t expecting Akaashi to hurt himself. Akaashi had thought about it and realized that it was better for him to get used to that kind of provocation now anyway, instead of running into it at a real game and letting it bother him. Kenma was just playing the game, he didn’t even do anything. Akaashi kept wanting to ask Bokuto if they were talking to him, considering Bokuto was with him so much and he hadn’t seen them, but Bokuto was still in a pretty good mood and he didn’t want to draw Bokuto’s attention to pointless things that could upset him.

 

The nights remained dangerously comfortable. Akaashi was beginning to wonder if he’d miss them when he had to go home. He was thankful that besides a few snide comments from Konoha about Bokuto’s tentacle arms, nobody had said anything about them waking up wrapped together.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

With Bokuto carrying him around so much he’d barely even put his foot on the ground since he’d hurt it.  The little bit of swelling had gone down and it didn’t hurt when he put weight on it, so by Friday he was cleared to play again.

 

Bokuto had woken up anxious and hovered around when the coach checked his ankle. Akaashi roped Bokuto into helping him stretch in the hopes of distracting him, to little avail. Finally, before the first set, Akaashi had to pull him aside. “Are you okay Bokuto-san? You seem a little anxious.”

 

Bokuto’s hands were twitchy and he kept glancing around like he thought they were being watched. It was kind of cute, but a bit worrying. “I’m fine Akaashi! Perfectly fine!”

 

Akaashi gave him a deadpan look. “Really? Are you sure Bokuto-san?”

 

Bokuto made an effort to look at him. “I will be, probably? I’m just worried about you Akaashi! I don’t want you to get hurt again!”

 

Akaashi softened. “I’ll be fine Bokuto-san. The coach said it was a minor sprain in the first place. I won’t repeat my mistakes. I know I can count on you.”

 

Akaashi saw a blush bloom across Bokuto’s face and ears. He smiled a bit. “AKAASHI!”

 

The first set against Shinzen went well. The rest of the team seemed heartened to have Akaashi back on the court. Bokuto took a bit to warm to it, but eventually he got into it. It was nice to see. It made Akaashi feel warm that so many people appreciated him so much. They won by seven points. Everyone made sure to give him high-fives afterwords. Shirofuku punched him in the shoulder.

 

Things were good until they had to play Nekoma again after lunch. Nekoma’s whole side of the net was weirdly quiet, and Bokuto seemed almost more angry than determined. The whole thing felt wrong. Akaashi was sure he saw Bokuto actively turn away from Kuroo. He hoped he was wrong.

 

Bokuto’s anger was making him clumsy. It wasn’t long before he missed a spike, swinging down too hard. It made him more upset and that made him miss more balls. Akaashi thought he saw his hands shaking. He waited until a pause in the set to approach Bokuto. He put a hand on his shoulder but Bokuto shrugged it off. It left an ugly feeling in Akaashi’s gut, even though he knew not to take it personally. “Are you oka-”

 

“Don’t toss to me anymore Akaashi!” Bokuto still wouldn’t look at him, but all Akaashi felt was relief. Bokuto was keeping his promise even in this state.

 

“Okay Bokuto-san.” Bokuto whipped around to look at him, but Akaashi just turned back to the rest of the team.

 

Akaashi could tell Bokuto was keeping his eyes locked on Akaashi the whole time, but he ignored it the best he could as the game progressed. The rest of the team fell in really well around Bokuto’s absence. They were all steady players who were fully capable of filling in Bokuto’s loss when they were forewarned that it was needed. Bokuto was the brightest star in the sky, but he was far from the only one. They’d all been playing with Mimizuku’s sub-par tossing for the last five days and were still relishing Akaashi’s tosses on top of that.

 

Akaashi wasn’t sure he liked playing this way, without Bokuto, but it seemed that Bokuto was using his time to cool down and take the game in. That could only be a good thing. Akaashi could actively see Bokuto get a more concentrated look in his eyes and sure enough. “Akaashi!” Point 24 and he was asking for a toss. Akaashi tried to look stern as he tossed it, but inside he was smiling. Bokuto hit a powerful straight right through Kuroo’s fingers and won the set.

 

Bokuto turned to Akaashi first, but was quickly overrun by the rest of the team. He looked so happy. Akaashi was glad his plan worked. Mimizuku even gave him a thumbs up from the bench.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Akaashi’s next order of business was to get Bokuto and Kuroo talking again. He gave it until Saturday at lunch. Bokuto had still been trailing him like he expected him to fall at any moment. When they were almost to the lunch room Akaashi stopped and pulled Bokuto off to the side of the hallway. “What’s wrong Akaashi? Is your ankle hurting again?”

 

Akaashi shook his head. “I’m fine Bokuto-san. I just think you should sit with Kuroo-san at lunch today. You’ve spent most of the week helping me and hardly spent any time with him. We leave tomorrow afternoon you know.”

 

Bokuto grit his teeth so hard that Akaashi could see the muscles in his jaw clench as he turned to look away from Akaashi’s eyes. “I don’t know if I can talk to Kuroo right now. He hurt you Akaashi.”

 

“Bokuto-san.” Akaashi reached his hand out and hesitantly put it on Bokuto’s shoulder, remembering how he’d shrugged it off yesterday. “Kuroo-san didn’t hurt me. I hurt myself playing against him. It was my own fault for being distracted and stressed.” Bokuto turned to look at Akaashi, a sad look in his eyes. Akaashi was happy to keep Kuroo’s actual involvement to himself as long as Bokuto was happy and talking to his friend again. It’s not like he’d be able to explain it anyway without confessing something. “He’s your friend Bokuto-san. Go sit with him and Kenma-san while you can.”

 

Bokuto seemed to think about it for a minute while Akaashi looked at him, then he relaxed under Akaashi’s hand. “I do miss Kuroo. If you’re sure it’s okay and your not mad at him and don’t need me maybe I’ll sit with him.”

 

Akaashi squeezed his shoulder and pulled away. “I’m glad Bokuto-san. I think I’ll be okay without you for an hour.”

 

Bokuto pouted, but as soon as they hit the lunch room doors Bokuto was running screeching towards Kuroo’s table, practically elbowing Nekoma’s libero in the face in his effort to get to him. Akaashi stood in the door for a second to watch. As soon as Kuroo saw Bokuto coming his eyes had widened and he’d jumped up to hug him. Akaashi thought he may have actually had tears in his eyes, but couldn’t really tell. Kenma had been sitting on Kuroo’s other side and had looked up from his lunch to look at the spectacle with wide eyes, before swiveling around to meet Akaashi’s gaze. His surprise died down at seeing Akaashi standing there and he gave a brief nod before going back to his lunch and the phone laying next to his tray.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

They didn’t end up winning every set they played that weekend, but enough of them that Akaashi was satisfied. And ready to leave. He was absolutely exhausted, trying to make up for his injury by practicing as much as possible. Since he ended up cutting into Bokuto’s training by having him worry and even carry him around, he felt he had to toss as much as Bokuto wanted as well. Because of this he was quite annoyed when he was pulled off course on his way to the bus.

 

Of course it was Kuroo. Minus Kenma this time, which was unusual for them. Akaashi gathered that they were together so much because Kenma was uncomfortable around people and felt better close to someone he trusted. And who could you trust more than your soulmate? The thought always gave Akaashi a feeling like vertigo.

 

Kuroo looked oddly serious. He wondered whether Bokuto brought out his sense of fun or if Akaashi just made him unhappy. If it was the second one they were going to have a hell of a time coexisting around Bokuto’s orbit. “Look, I’m really sorry about what happened in that first game Akaashi. I didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt. Kenma was really upset that it was his move that you hurt yourself on too. Bokuto wasn’t the only one not talking to me that day.” Kuroo scratched his neck awkwardly.

 

Akaashi sighed. He was so tired. “It’s fine Kuroo-san. It was my own fault for letting you distract me in the first place. I haven’t actually played in many games so that factored in as well.”

 

Kuroo stared at him for a second as if to gauge if he was serious, then he smirked. “Soooo, you liked those knee pads I take it? And being carried around? Don’t think I didn’t see that!”

 

Akaashi felt his ears get hot and abruptly turned around. He wasn’t dealing with this.

 

Kuroo ran after him to keep talking. “Hey! Hey! I also wanted to tell you we didn’t forget your present! Kenma’s gonna send it to you after you leave, so keep your phone on you alright?! Sheesh.”

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Akaashi expected to get whatever it was while on the bus, but his phone doesn’t chime until he’s at home in bed.  When he picked it up he saw that Kenma sent him a whole bunch of pictures. Most of them are of Bokuto on the court, midway through a spike, or a couple of him doing a diving receive. Several are of the pair of them though, Bokuto carrying him through a hallway, or talking to him on the bench, or looking at each other while they play.

 

Akaashi thought he should be annoyed. He tried hard to be. It was hard when his cold room suddenly felt warmer and he missed Bokuto’s arms a lot less.

 

He figured he'd maybe get one printed, maybe.


	3. Defining a Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much to say about this one. I'm not great at tagging, so if you want something tagged or think it should be tagged let me know and I'll do it right away. I also didn't have a beta reader for any of this chapter, so if you see something let me know and I'll fix that too.

The morning they were back in school Bokuto approached Akaashi nervously. Akaashi thought it was strange because morning practice had been canceled to give them a bit of a break after the week long training camp and Bokuto didn’t usually approach him during school for anything else. Also, after how they had just spent the training camp, it was hard to imagine what Bokuto would have to be nervous about.

 

“Heeeey Akaashi. Good morning. Uh.” Bokuto rubbed the back of his head and looked at anywhere that wasn’t Akaashi.

 

Akaashi stared at him. “Good morning Bokuto-san, what is it you need?”

 

Bokuto turned red and started waving his arms around. “Wha- Why would you think I need anything Akaashi, why can’t a good future captain greet his future vice-captain in the morning huh?!”

 

Akaashi stared harder. Bokuto stopped waving his arms around and met Akaashi’s stare. He was turning even redder. And sweating. Akaashi crossed his arms. Bokuto caved.

 

He slumped over. “I’m failing math and if I keep failing I won’t be able to keep going to practices. I only just managed to get a high enough score on the last test to go to the training camp.” Bokuto stood back up straight and took a step toward Akaashi, hands clasped like he was begging, batting his eyes. “Can you please help me study Akaashi~ Please~”

 

Akaashi took a step back, unfolding his arms to hold up his hands. “Bokuto-san, you do know I’m a year below you right? Why don’t you ask one of the other second years?”

 

Bokuto dropped his hands and stopped pleading. Akaashi could tell now that he was genuinely distressed. “Everyone I know well enough to ask is on the team, and I don’t want to tell them I’m letting them down. Besides, you’re super smart Akaashi! I’m sure you can help me!”

 

Akaashi sighed. Bokuto made him so weak. “What exactly is it you expect me to do Bokuto-san?”

 

He rubbed the back of his head again. Now he seemed more stressed than worried. “I don’t really know. It’s really loud at my house all the time, maybe we could study together at your house? Even if you don’t know the work, having someone there who can help keep me on task might help? I’ll try anything if it helps me keep playing.”

 

Akaashi thought about it. His house was always pretty quiet with his parents working, and Bokuto did tend to get distracted easily when he was doing things he considered boring. The last thing Akaashi wanted was for Bokuto to not be able to play. Even apart from how Akaashi would feel playing without him, he couldn’t imagine a Bokuto without volleyball.

 

“Alright Bokuto-san. We can try it. My house is pretty quiet generally. Let me ask my parents and I’ll let you know.”

 

Bokuto brightened up. “Thanks so much Akaashi! I really owe you!”

 

He was really too tired for this. He hated mornings.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

As luck would have it his parents were actually home for dinner that night. Both of them even. Bokuto had just dropped him off after practice and when he paused in the entrance way he could hear both of their voices and see a light on in the kitchen. He had to blink several times to make sure he wasn’t seeing things.

 

It wasn’t that he _never_ saw his parents, it was just that they were both very busy. They worked at the same law firm, and so what happened was there either was a big case that they both had to work on, or they were working separate smaller cases so he would see whichever parent had the smaller workload. It was extremely rare that both would have a small enough workload to be home at the same time, especially factoring in that a lot of their clients were international and in different time zones.

 

A smile dragged itself across his face. He would never tell them or complain, but he did miss his parents when they were away. He quickly slipped off his shoes and into his house slippers and almost ran into the kitchen. He slid a little around the corner. “Mom, dad, you’re home.”

 

He’d interrupted them mid-conversation, but they didn’t seem to mind when they turned and smiled at him, his mother at the table with a glass of wine, his father putting food on three plates at the counter.

 

That’s when it hit him. His eyes widened as they roamed over his parents faces, and a lump built up in his throat. He hadn’t seen his parent’s faces straight on since he'd started school almost six months ago. He hadn’t seen them in color yet.

 

His mother’s hair was black like his, but her eyes were blue behind her glasses. The shirt she was wearing was a lighter blue that made them stand out. Akaashi’s chest hurt thinking that his father might not know that important fact. Her lipstick was a startling pop of red.

 

His father was almost a picture in monochrome. The only break in the black’s and white’s were his rich brown hair and startling green eyes. They both looked relaxed, their suit jacket’s thrown over a chair each, his dad’s sleeves rolled up.

 

His mother broke him out of his staring. “Welcome home Keiji. It’s pretty late, were you at volleyball practice this whole time? We wanted to surprise you after your camp.”

 

He tried to pull himself together. “Yes, one of my senpai’s likes to do some extra spiking practice after normal practice. It’s good to see you.” One of his senpai who just so happened to be his soulmate. One of his senpai that he desperately wanted to kiss and hold hands with. Oh god, one of his MALE senpai’s. He suddenly remembered they hadn’t had that conversation yet either.

 

His father brought their plates over and set them on the table. “Well, at least you’re home now, I was worried I’d have to cover yours. You must be starving after all that practice, come eat.”

 

Akaashi cautiously walked to sit at his place at the table. He wasn’t sure he’d ever felt so wrong-footed in his life.

 

As soon as he was sitting his mother started in again. “Are you sure you should be doing so much practice? You did just get home from a week-long training camp. Did you walk home by yourself?”

 

Akaashi swallowed his bite of food. “We have a tournament coming up shortly that I want to be ready for. Bokuto-san always walks me home when I stay for extra practice with him. I told him it wasn’t needed, but he keeps saying he’s worried I’ll get abducted.”

 

His mother raised an eyebrow at him, and he was suddenly worried he’d said too much.

 

His father breaks in. “Is that your senpai then? He sounds like quite a character. I’m glad he cares about your safety though.” He laughs and both Akaashi and his mother smile, Akaashi more nervously.

 

He certainly is a character. The words _I love him though_ bubble up presistantly and Akaashi has to literally bite his tongue to keep them down. Where did that come from? Since when did Akaashi feel this way? Why did he have to get hit with this realization now!?

 

Once his father’s laughter faded away, his mother started in again. “I know you’re very taken with volleyball Keiji, but I hope your grades haven’t suffered with all this practice?”

 

Akaashi turned from his father to meet his mother’s bemused look. “My grades are doing fine. Actually-  Bokuto-san is having some trouble with his math grade and asked me for some help. I was wondering if you minded if I had him over after practice occasionally?”

 

Now both of his mother’s eyebrows were raised. “I thought you said he was older than you?”

 

Akaashi cleared his throat. “He is. I don’t think it’s a case of him needing help with the actual material, I think it’s more that he needs help staying on task. He’s smart, but very easily distracted. He doesn’t want to ask anyone else on the team that are in his actual grade because he’s going to be captain next year and doesn’t want to disappoint them.”

 

Now he could see both parents were looking surprised. His father spoke first. “He must trust you a lot to ask you then. You’ve never asked to have a friend over before either. You must care about him quite a bit.”

 

Did his mother look a bit choked up? And his father was beaming. Oh no. Akaashi stopped picking at his food to fiddle with his fingers. “Bokuto-san has become a… very good friend to me. On top of that he and the team have elected me to be vice-captain next year, even though I wasn’t a starter until last week. I just-”

 

His father interrupted him by standing up. “Vice-captain! As a first year! I’m so proud of you!”

 

His father leaned down and hugged him. Akaashi had to blink a couple times before he returned it. He didn’t honestly remember the last time either of his parents had hugged him. His mother set a hand on his shoulder. She was smiling at him. Akaashi had gotten a good deal of both his looks and personality from his mother. They shared the same stoic looking face, and tendency to hide their emotions. He knew how much that smile meant.

 

His father pulled away and everyone went back to their food, still smiling. His mother took a minute to answer Akaashi. “Of course you can have Bokuto-san over anytime you want, if he’s such a good friend. Just keep your own grades up.”

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Akaashi waited until they were already at practice to tell Bokuto that his parents had agreed. He honestly hadn’t thought that he would get a response so fast. The plan had been to send them an email. If it wasn’t an emergency situation they would generally respond with something like: _let us consult with each other and we’ll get back to you shortly._ If both of them were planning on being home for dinner they usually sent an email, or left a note, so that Akaashi could make sure to be home. They’d really surprised him last night.

 

He’d also had all night and during classes to realize that the agreement meant that Bokuto would be in his house. For some reason this also shocked him quite a bit. He felt stupid for not realizing it before, that was the whole point. But that meant that _Bokuto_ would be _in his house_ and well. Akaashi hadn’t slept much the night before. What would Bokuto think of it? Would he go in his room? Would he care about Akaashi’s house at all?

 

The thought of Bokuto in his room had brought up a whole new problem that Akaashi refused to consider at school.

 

So it was with much trepidation that Akaashi brought it up to Bokuto during their stretches. More specifically, Akaashi had his hands pressing against the back of Bokuto’s strong, flexible, shoulders, pressing Bokuto down so he could reach past his toes and absolutely could not look at Akaashi’s blushing face.

 

“Bokuto-san.”

 

“Hmm? What’s up Akaashi?” Bokuto tried to turn his head, but Akaashi just pushed harder, making Bokuto grunt and face forward.

 

“My parents were both home last night, so I got to ask them about you coming over to study.” Akaashi was working very hard to make the words come out without any attached emotion.

 

Bokuto actually managed to perk up a bit from his position and Akaashi’s blush deepened. “What’d they say Akaashi! Huh? Huh?”

 

“I was getting there, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi took a fortifying breath as quietly as he could. “They said it was fine for you to come over whenever you want.”

 

Bokuto froze stiff under Akaashi’s hands. He took a big breath in. Then he responded in a quiet voice. “They really said that? That I could come anytime?”

 

Akaashi eased up his grip so Bokuto could sit up straight, but kept his hands where they were. “Yes, Bokuto-san. Whenever you want. They’re.” Akaashi felt he might regret his next sentence but pushed through it. “They’re happy that I had someone I wanted to come over.”

 

“Oh.” Bokuto turned and grinned at Akaashi. “Thank you Akaashi.”

 

Akaashi blinked and then offered a small smile back. “You’re welcome, Bokuto-san.”

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

Bokuto had called his parents to see if he could come over that night after practice. Akaashi had held his breath that his parents would consider it too short of notice and make him go home, just so that Akaashi could have some more time to deal with his nerves. He had no such luck. He waited until they were walking home to bring this up with Bokuto.

 

“Oh! Yeah I guess it would be short notice for most people huh? My parents are both artists, they believe that people should be free spirits! Especially my mom and she’s the one I talked to.”

 

Akaashi wasn’t sure what to say to that and just faced forward again, letting Bokuto go back to talking about how excited he was to see Akaashi’s house. His stomach seemed to twist up in more and more knots the closer they got to his door.

 

In fact, Akaashi was so nervous that he didn’t notice that the light in the front room was on when he and Bokuto approached his house. So when he opened the door, he almost hit his parents getting their shoes on in the entryway. His mother somehow managed to hop backwards on one high-heeled shoe just in time. They were beige. Akaashi wondered why he'd noticed.

 

Akaashi was frozen, looking at his parents in shock and panic. They seemed equally as surprised, but a lot less panicked. Bokuto bumped into his back with an oomf, before realizing Akaashi had stopped and peering around him. “What’s up Akaashi? Why’d you stop?”

 

His father chuckled and his mother cut in with an explanation. “We’re just heading back to the office for a conference call with an important client from Moscow. It’s why we got to come home so early last night.”

 

His father chimed in. “This must be your friend from the volleyball club. It’s lucky we could meet you on the way out, we aren’t home very often.”

 

Bokuto gently pushed around Akaashi’s still frozen frame so he could talk to them head-on. “Thanks for having me Akaashi-san’s!” He bowed quite low before straightening up. Akaashi unfroze enough to side-eye him. “It’s nice to meet you! Akaashi’s helped me a lot already since he joined!”

 

Bokuto was smiling and so were his parents, so Akaashi allowed himself to loosen up. Akaashi shot Bokuto a soft look. He found this was a mistake when his father opened his mouth. “We’re happy to have you. Akaashi’s never asked for anyone to come over before. We’re glad he’s finally making friends!”

 

His body tensed up again. He thought he even saw his mother elbow his father in the side, just out of sight. Bokuto looked confused. “What? That doesn’t make sense. Akaashi’s the best! He’s an awesome setter, and super smart, and he’s always there when I need him! I’m sure if he didn’t have people over it was just ‘cause he had better stuff to do.”

 

Akaashi could feel his ears getting warmer and had no way of stopping it. He stared at the ground, avoiding everyone’s faces. His hand migrated up to his face. He chanced a glance up at his parent’s. They both had wide eyes, looking at each other. Akaashi was very aware that the door was still open behind him.

 

When his parents turned back to look at them, his mother broke the awkward second of silence. “Bokuto-kun, would you mind if I got your opinion on something?”

 

Bokuto looked more confused than ever, moving his eyes from Akaashi, to his parents, and back. “Sure, Akaashi-san.”

 

His Mom reached into her suit jacket pocket, and pulled out a second set of earrings. Akaashi could tell they looked exactly like the ones she had on, but the one’s she had on were green and the new ones were blue. “Which one’s do you think I should wear? I want to look as nice as possible for my conference call.”

 

Bokuto looked between the two for a few seconds before scratching his head. “They look the same to me. Are they different colors? I can’t see color, so you should ask Akaashi. He has great taste!”

 

Akaashi blanched, dropping his hand as he met his parents incredulous stares. Bokuto was looking concerned now. He had seconds to decide. If he answered his mother’s question they’d know he had found his soulmate. If he managed to play it off somehow, Bokuto, at the very least, would be suspicious, possibly his parents as well. He braced himself. He’d have a lot less explaining to do if he went along with this. He felt like he could hear buildings crashing to the ground in his head.

 

He raised a shaky hand to point at the pair his mother had pulled out of her pocket. “You, um, you should wear the blue ones. They’ll bring out your eyes better.”

 

His father sucked in a sharp breath. His eyes reflecting Akaashi’s panic back at him. His mother’s face blanched. She recovered first though, squeezing her eyes shut tightly, she was able to don an equally tight smile. “Thank you Keiji. I’m partial to these as well.”

 

Akaashi was jarred by Bokuto’s arm thrown over his shoulder. “That’s Akaashi for you! He’s the best!”

 

Akaashi looked at Bokuto’s face next to his and wanted. It was an aching, sad, want. He sent a pleading look at his parents, not bothering to hide anything. He shook his head as subtly as he could. His mother was frowning. His father had an unfathomable look in his eyes that Akaashi hadn’t ever seen before. A muscle ticked in his jaw. They both nodded tightly at his look. Akaashi was grateful. He smiled quickly at them in thanks. Their faces got tighter.

 

“Bokuto-san.”

 

“What’s up Akaashi?”

 

“Personal space please.” Akaashi finished up his silent conversation with his parents to shoot Bokuto a deadpan look.

 

Bokuto backed up a step, looking chagrined. “Sorry Akaashi.”

 

His mother spoke up. His father still seemed incapable of words. “Well then. We better get going. There's food in the kitchen. Bokuto-kun is welcome to stay over since it’s already pretty late.”

 

His parent’s barely gave either of them a chance to reply before they rushed past them out the door. Akaashi’s father hurrying ahead of his mother. She stopped for a second and turned around to address Akaashi. “We need to have a family talk as soon as we can arrange it. We’ll see you soon, Keiji.”

 

Akaashi nodded, then stood frozen with the door halfway shut. His father had stopped at the end of the walkway, facing away from the door. He watched his mother put a hand on his shoulder before quickly shutting the door.

 

When he turned around, Bokuto was giving him a weird look. But when Akaashi raised an eyebrow at him, he quickly brightened up. “Did your mom say there was food!?”

 

Akaashi shook his head and lead him to the kitchen.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

They decided to work at the kitchen counter. Akaashi quickly found that he was spot on with his theory. Bokuto's main problem was his concentration. Akaashi had him do 20 minutes of work and then 10 minutes on his phone. Akaashi also found if he made the work more interesting it helped a good deal. He changed all the word problems to being about owls and cats. Sometimes drawing little pictures helped.

 

In exchange, Bokuto would lean over sometimes and help Akaashi. It always started the same way. Bokuto would glance at his work, then lean over his shoulder and go, “Ne, Akaashi, are you sure that’s right?” Like Akaashi would snap at him if he wasn’t careful about it.

 

When Akaashi asked about it Bokuto had just said, “My sister is super smart and majoring in microbiology at university! She used to help me with my science work. Also Kuroo is a big nerd and I picked up some stuff from him.”

 

He wondered why everyone always underestimated Bokuto.

 

“Oh, hey Akaashi!” Bokuto was looking at his phone on one of his breaks. Akaashi looked at him in question. “Look at this! Kuroo made captain! We’re both gonna be captains next year!”

 

Akaashi smiled, but his insides felt a bit tight. The thought of Kuroo in a position of power was mildly concerning. “That’s great Bokuto-san.”

 

“And look! Look! He made a bet with Kenma and Kenma had to bleach his hair!” Bokuto turned his screen so Akaashi could see it.

 

Akaashi leaned closer to get a good look. That… sure was a blonde Kenma. He blinked a couple times. He wondered if Kuroo had a thing for blondes. Then immediately tried to wipe the thought from his mind. “Hm. Doesn’t look too bad actually.”

 

“Just looks kinda off-white to me. Way different from the black though!” Bokuto looked a bit sad, but obviously tried to cover it up.

 

“Come on, your times up. Back to work.”

 

Bokuto nodded and put his phone away to do a few problems. He seemed distracted though. In a different way from usual. Akaashi was just wondering if he should address it when Bokuto spoke up. “Hey Akaashi? What’s your parent’s soul story?”

 

He had a serious look on his face. Akaashi put his pencil down and looked at him for a second. Then he sighed. He knew exactly what Bokuto was expecting. A soul story was the story of how soulmates met. People tended to love hearing them, because most were cute, or funny, and most ended happily. “My parents aren’t soulmates Bokuto-san.”

 

Bokuto’s eye’s looked like they were going to pop out. “Not soulmates! But. But, they seemed so in tune! They seemed to care about each other a lot! How can they not be soulmates?!”

 

Akaashi glanced away. He tended to get that response when he told people about his parents not being bonded. “They were friends who worked together and got along well. They both wanted a child, so they got married and had me. They said they fell in love over time, because they wanted it to work. They, grew together, I guess.”

 

Bokuto didn’t look any less shocked. “But why? Why wouldn’t they wait for their soulmates? That’s the chance of a lifetime! The other part of them!”

 

The words felt more like knives coming from Bokuto, but he owed it to his parents to explain. He looked away from Bokuto, down at the table, his fingers had knitted together over his textbook. “My mother was born with her colors. She doesn’t have a soulmate.”

 

Bokuto’s voice was quiet. “Like you.”

 

Akaashi glanced at him. He eyes were sad and dark as he looked at Akaashi now. He looked away again. His voice was equally as quiet when he started again. “Yeah. Like me.”

 

There was a long pause. Akaashi thought he knew what was coming.

 

“What about your dad?” Bokuto was still quiet.

 

Akaashi swallowed. “My father is a little more complicated.” He forced himself to look up and meet Bokuto’s eyes. He couldn’t tell this story looking at the table. It was disrespectful. “My father met his soulmate. He was… five or six. He and his mom were walking down the street. He doesn’t remember what they had been doing. Where they were going.”

 

Bokuto must have sensed where the story was going, because he sat rigid in his chair, his eyes growing wider, not moving them from Akaashi’s.

 

“He glanced across the street and saw blue. The big blue eyes of a little girl across the road. They had both stopped on the sidewalk to stare. He said he saw the blue pools of her eyes. The sunshine yellow of her hair. The soft pink of her dress. Then she was running across the road. She hadn’t. Hadn’t paid attention, she was too busy looking at him. There was a shiny silver car. The last color he ever saw was the dark red of blood on the road. He’s only seen in black and white ever since.”

 

Bokuto’s eyes were watering and Akaashi had to look away. He’d never told anyone the story his father had told to him. He vividly remembered hearing it. He was much younger. Probably about eight. Maybe too young for the story. His parents had always believed in giving him straight answers to things though. It was his father’s turn to stay home and tuck him in, back when he’d still needed that. It had actually been about then, that the practice had started fading out, now he thought about it. But he’d tucked him in and went for the light and Akaashi had asked. “Dad? How come mom can see in color and you can’t? You guys are soulmate’s right?”

 

His father had smiled at him and sat back down on his bed. “We love each other, and you, very much. But no, Keiji, we aren’t soulmates. Your mother was born seeing colors. She was very lucky. I met my soulmate a long time ago. But. There was an accident.” Then he’d taken Akaashi’s hand and told the story. He explained the downside of soulmates. How the colors left when they died. The world became dull. That it felt like a part of you left with them. He’d said he sometimes wished he’d never seen any colors at all.

 

Akaashi felt hollow. He wondered how his Dad was taking him having his colors. How scared he was.

 

“Mom has the same color eyes as his soulmate. I wonder if he knows.” Akaashi whispered it more to himself than Bokuto.

 

Bokuto put a hand on Akaashi’s shoulder. It jolted him so much he whipped around on reflex. When he did a couple tears ran down his face. Bokuto handed him a napkin. He already had a damp looking one clenched in one fist. “I’m sorry Akaashi.”

 

Akaashi wiped his eyes quickly, then cleared his throat. “It wasn’t me who suffered the loss. I was born lucky.”

 

Bokuto looked like he was swallowing his tongue, but nodded.

 

Akaashi turned back to his book. Bokuto was quiet for a long time.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

They didn’t last much longer studying. The conversation had made them tired. They had morning practice anyway and the glowing microwave numbers were telling Akaashi that it was almost 11. They’d been studying for a good three hours.

 

Akaashi rubbed his eyes and helped Bokuto pick up. He almost wished Bokuto would just carry him up the stairs.

 

Bokuto followed him to the linen closet to get the spare futon. When Akaashi fumbled and dropped it, Bokuto picked it up and put it back. He put a hand on Akaashi’s shoulder and spoke gently. “It’s late, and it’s been a long night. I wouldn’t mind sharing. It’ll be just like camp.”

 

His hand was warm and Akaashi craved his heat. He wanted Bokuto to wrap him up in his arms and fill the strange void that grew in his chest with that heat. “Okay.”

 

Akaashi had almost whispered it, but Bokuto heard.

 

They went to Akaashi’s room and changed into pajamas. Bokuto borrowing some of Akaashi’s. The shirt stretched tight across his shoulders.

 

Akaashi got on the bed first and faced the wall in front of him. He could feel Bokuto hesitating at the edge. He wouldn’t, couldn’t, help Bokuto with whatever it was he was struggling with.

 

Eventually he lifted the blanket and got in behind Akaashi. Then he wrapped his arm around Akaashi’s stomach, his other hand shoved under their shared pillow. Akaashi heard a gulp, then a quiet whisper behind him. “Is this okay? At camp…”

 

Akaashi could fill in the blanks. At camp they usually woke up cuddling, but they never went to sleep that way. Bokuto, or sometimes a very guilty Akaashi, would instigate it after Bokuto went to sleep. Akaashi was so tired. “It’s fine Bokuto-san.”

 

His reply was equally as quiet. Bokuto’s grip tightened a bit in response, but he didn’t say anything else. Akaashi slowly moved his hand up over Bokuto’s and slipped his fingers between his.  

 

While Akaashi drifted off right away in Bokuto’s arms, Bokuto stayed awake, staring at the back of Akaashi’s head for hours.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Because the team had gotten to nationals during interhigh, it wasn’t necessary for them to participate in the prelims for the spring tournament. This was good news for Bokuto, because it gave them time to work on his grade. They started spending every Tuesday and Friday night studying together. Friday, because the study sessions always end in a sleepover and Saturday afternoon gave them time to sleep later. Tuesday because by then Bokuto was panicking again.

 

Akaashi should probably be annoyed at having to spend more time with Bokuto, but he…. Wasn’t. It had started feeling as if Akaashi walked around all the time with a huge tension weighing him down that disappeared whenever Bokuto was close by. He still panicked about how complacent he was becoming, but Bokuto was so distracting and all-consuming in the moment, that it wasn’t until he was alone that he started drowning in his repressed thoughts.

 

On top of that Bokuto brought a light with him into the house every time he was there. His parents went to great lengths to have everything in the house in shades of grey, and Akaashi understood, even now that he could see the color, maybe even especially now, but he craved the warmth and color Bokuto brought with him. When Bokuto left the house just felt darker. Sometimes claustrophobic in a way it had never been before.

 

Akaashi could tell Bokuto was getting better too. It was easier for him to get things done when he had a schedule that worked. And because he was now concentrating on the work, he was retaining more and doing better on tests. He’d never be great, or actually enjoy it, but as long as he passed Akaashi was content. Bokuto had even confessed that Kuroo helped him sometimes too when he was really stuck, either over the phone or actually meeting up. He didn’t feel as bad telling Kuroo apparently. Akaashi was grateful. Even if Kuroo could be annoying.

 

Akaashi had hit a stroke of luck with his parents as well. The Moscow case had really taken off and they were now gone all times of the night and day again, never running into Akaashi to corner him into a conversation. The most he’d seen them was slouching in as he left for school. Every time they did spot him, they’d get a weird look on their faces and sometimes they’d start to call after him. He. Really didn’t want to talk to them about it.

 

Sometimes it felt to Akaashi like he was bottling up all of his soulmate related feelings, and if he opened that bottle to talk to his parents, he might explode. The last people he would want to have that conversation with was his parents. No matter how the conversation would end up going, they would leave again and he would have to deal with it alone like everything else. He wasn’t sure he’d even be able to put it back. His father might not want to look at him again. His mother just wouldn’t know what to do with him.

 

When he was younger he used to think that the reason they were gone so much was because he’d upset them somehow. He’d done his best to get the perfect grades. Had taken violin lessons that he’d actually hated. Kept the house as spotless as possible. Made sure he never bothered them with his problems when they were home. Tried not to annoy them by talking too much. Never bothered them at work. The only thing it had done, though, was make them believe he was a very mature boy and fine on his own. So they just left longer. Not worrying about him.

 

When he’d joined the volleyball team in middle school for his club of choice, he hadn’t told his parents. He was worried they would think it too frivolous to do a sport for his club. He’d picked it mostly at random, but thought that maybe the exercise would help with how miserable he was always feeling. A few months in and he started hiding it because he loved it too much, he didn’t know if he’d be able to give it up for his parents. The problem was that with volleyball, and violin, and his grades, and trying to be perfect, he’d been overloaded. The stress was killing him after a year. He wasn’t sleeping, he was skipping meals. He got sick.

 

He remembered trying to hide how sick he was from his parents. How he’d fainted at practice one day. How the truth had come out. He’d woken up in the hospital to his parents faces and immediately started crying. They’d asked him what was wrong and he’d just spilled everything. They’d had him drop violin immediately, and talked about how proud they were and that they didn’t care what he did for club as long as he was happy. They set up the email system, told Akaashi to talk to them about anything. They had been around more for the next month or so, than left again.

 

Akaashi had been mortified that he’d fallen to that. That his parents had needed to tell him such obvious things. Some of his habits from that time remained, but he forced himself to actually grow up. To manage his time better. To stop worrying what his parents would think of his choices when they weren’t around enough for it to even effect them.

 

He was scared that this whole thing was a repeat of that time. That this bottle would pop the same way that one had. He was terrified of his parents seeing him weak like that. He wanted them to be proud of him. He was practically an adult now, he didn’t need them to worry about him.

 

He was used to not seeing them though. Everything would be fine as long as they were busy. They wouldn’t have to talk about anything.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It was about a month into this arrangement when Bokuto dropped a bomb on him. It was a Thursday night and Bokuto was walking him home again. He’d been fidgety all afternoon at practice. Akaashi thought maybe something was wrong and kept asking Bokuto if he wanted to stop their extra practice early, but he was adamant that they continue as long as possible, despite Bokuto’s spikes being increasingly off.

 

They were at the end of Akaashi’s walkway when Bokuto finally brought it up. Akaashi had given Bokuto a look, then turned to go. Bokuto had let him turn all the way before he’d grabbed Akaashi’s shoulder. He didn’t say anything when Akaashi turned to look at him again though, just gazed around at the sidewalk. Akaashi raised an eyebrow. “Is something wrong Bokuto-san?”

 

Bokuto laughed awkwardly. “Uh, you see. The thing is. MYMOMWANTSTOHAVEYOUOVERFORDINNERTOMORROW!”

 

Bokuto shouted so loud and fast that Akaashi took a step back. Akaashi blinked several times to reorient himself. Bokuto had closed his eyes when he shouted and he slowly peaked one eye open the longer it took Akaashi to respond. Akaashi opened his mouth to say something. Then couldn’t think of anything to say. Bokuto’s look turned pleading. Akaashi tried again. “W-What?”

 

Bokuto pouted. “I had to tell my parents where I’ve been going all these nights and they wanted to meet you, so they invited you to dinner and studying at my house tomorrow night.”

 

Akaashi raised an eyebrow. “Weren’t we doing the studying at my house because yours is too loud?”

 

Bokuto looked distressed. “I knooooow~. But I couldn’t tell my parents that! My dad came home from his trip last night so even he’s going to be there! They said a whole bunch of embarrassing stuff, like that they have to thank you for taking care of me and stuff.”

 

“Are you… Okay with me coming over Bokuto-san?” Akaashi wasn’t sure how he felt about any of this. He just knew he didn’t want to put himself in an uncomfortable position for Bokuto, only to make him miserable. Maybe it would go so badly Bokuto would stop talking to him.

 

“It’s not that I don’t want you at my house Akaashi, you’re my best friend, it’s just that my family is really loud and embarrassing! I don’t wanna scare you off!” Bokuto’s eyes were round and imploring now.

 

“Bokuto-san. We’ve been friends for this long, I doubt your family could scare me off. If it’s important to your parents I can come over. You’ve already met my parents.” Akaashi felt like his insides were melting. He found it hard to believe that Bokuto would think he would stop speaking to him for a reason that stupid.

 

Bokuto looked embarrassed. “Thanks Akaashi. You’re the best. It’ll really mean a lot to my mom.”

 

Akaashi reversed the usual script for just this one night. He put a hand on Bokuto’s shoulder. “Goodnight Bokuto-san. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

When he turned to leave, he made sure his hand trailed all the way down Bokuto’s bicep. Akaashi had a faint hope that it would make Bokuto feel even half as warm as it made him feel when Bokuto did it.

 

Bokuto didn’t wish him goodnight until he was halfway down his walkway. Akaashi smiled to himself.

  


\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Akaashi spent the whole day at school distracted and stressing out. By the time he got to practice his fingertips were red from rubbing them together and fiddling with them under his desk. Bokuto seemed nervous too. They kept shooting each other looks whenever they had a second.

 

It was weird to be walking with Bokuto with the sun still shining overhead. Usually walking with him felt like they were the only ones in the world. Now Akaashi felt a bit guilty and nervous, like he was airing his dirty laundry to the world. The feeling itself made Akaashi feel even dirtier. He was proud to be Bokuto’s friend. Was proud to be associated with him. He glanced over to take in Bokuto’s face, his golden eyes flickering all over the place. If he were ever lucky enough, if things were different, he’d be proud to call Bokuto his in every way. They weren’t different though, Akaashi had to keep telling himself this, more lately than ever. Maybe that was why he was so nervous.

 

When they’d walked a few streets from Akaashi’s house, Bokuto stopped them. “This is it.”

 

Akaashi wondered how he’d almost walked past it. The house was huge and an eye-searing yellow, with jarring blue accents. Akaashi had to blink a bit when he saw it.

 

When he pulled his eyes away to look at Bokuto, he looked shaky. He wasn’t sure what made him more nervous. He just knew he couldn’t have Bokuto going into this like that. He reached out and touched Bokuto’s bicep gently. “It’s fine, Bokuto-san. Remember what I said?” Bokuto’s eyes widened as he turned to look at Akaashi. “I’m still going to be your friend at the end of this. You need to be in top form Bokuto-san. I’ll need all the help I can get.”

 

Bokuto’s eyes lost their surprised look and gained his steely glint of determination. He nodded solidly once, then turned and started toward the door. Akaashi followed behind him.

 

The door was opened before they got there by a small woman with a big grin, paint splattered clothes, bright blonde hair, and Bokuto’s eyes. The overall effect was almost as blinding as the bright yellow of the house. Her voice was disproportionately loud when she talked. “Hey boys! You’ve made it! I’m so excited to meet this Akaashi you’re always talking about Ko!”

 

Bokuto ran the last few steps, his face already bright red. Akaashi could feel his own warming as well. “Mom! At least let Akaashi get in the door!”

 

When Bokuto got close enough, his mom wrapped him up in a hug. It was a bit funny to watch, because Bokuto was almost a foot taller. When she let go she turned to Akaashi. “You must be Akaashi. It’s great to meet you! You’ve really done a lot for my son.”

 

Akaashi bowed. He’d barely stood up, when Bokuto’s mom was throwing her arms around him too. “Don’t be silly Akaashi-kun, we’re all huggers here!”

 

She pulled away and Bokuto immediately put a hand on her arm. “Mom, Akaashi doesn't like when people touch him too much! Especially without warning him!”

 

Akaashi had not known Bokuto knew that. He hadn’t told him, and with all the touching he let Bokuto get away with, had been sure he hadn’t noticed. Akaashi was simultaneously touched, and a bit panicked about how much he’d let Bokuto get away with all of a sudden.

 

Bokuto’s Mom turned from Bokuto to Akaashi, a guilty expression on her face. “OH! Sorry Akaashi-kun! I’ll be sure to watch out for that from now on.”

 

Akaashi looked from Bokuto to his mom. “It’s alright Bokuto-san. You didn’t know. It was… fine. It’s nice to meet you.”

 

Bokuto’s mom smiled with her whole face. Akaashi could suddenly tell where Bokuto got his grin from. It was sweet. “Well, come on in! Dinner’s in the oven, it should be done soon, we’re having some family painting time before dinner.”

 

Akaashi saw Bokuto’s face take a complicated turn that Akaashi couldn’t decipher in the second it was there, before his mom turned to look at him, and it turned into a grin.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Family painting time actually consisted of taping a huge piece of paper to a wall in a mostly empty room and haveing everyone fling paint at it. Bokuto’s mom explained that they always did it on Friday nights to help de-stress from the week.

 

It also turned out that Bokuto had a lot of siblings. Two younger brothers. The older being fourteen and only talked about. According to Bokuto’s mom he was ‘choosing to de-stress in his room’. The other was ten and a bit shy at first, stopping mid-fling when Akaashi walked in, his green splatter ending up on the tarp-covered floor.

 

He also had a little sister. She was six and not shy at all. Her tiny brown pony-tail bobbed all the way over to Akaashi when he first came in, running up to hug his legs. “You're Bokuto’s friend! Hi! I’m Rui! You can call me Rui-chan cause you're Bokuto’s friend! Come throw paint and be an artist with us!”

 

Then she’d run away to continue. Bokuto had opened his mouth, probably to tell her not to hug him about halfway through the spiel, but Akaashi had shaken his head at him to stop him. It was fine. He didn’t have any experience with children really, but she was cute and also had Bokuto’s eyes.

 

Bokuto’s dad was also there helping out. He was very tall, with black hair and dark brown eyes. The ten-year-old, Hiroto, obviously got his darker brown eyes from him. He might have been intimidating with his height, if he didn’t so clearly love his tiny wife and children.

 

Akaashi actually found himself… Having fun. It wasn’t any sort of activity that he could ever picture himself with, but it felt really freeing. He didn’t need to really think, he didn’t feel judged. He found himself smiling a lot. Bokuto had seemed tense at first, but eventually he’d loosened up as well.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

By the time they all got to the dinner table, both of the kids were comfortable with Akaashi. Hiroto smiled a lot and ranted on about his flying simulator game he was playing. Rui tended to go on about animals and art and how cool her parent’s jobs were. Akaashi could see why Bokuto would say that his house was loud. It really took a lot to get anything in edgewise. Akaashi didn’t particularly try. He liked the idle chatter he could zone in and out of.

 

He met Yokuto at dinner. He was rough and abrupt when he talked, but didn’t bother to do much of it. He had his mom’s blonde hair and golden eyes, but the effect was much more intimidating on him, clashing with his all black wardrobe. His parent’s and Rui were welcoming regardless, but Hiroto seemed to disapprove. Bokuto, he noticed, avoided him completely. He made sure to take a mental note to talk to Bokuto about it later.

 

It was about halfway through dinner when Bokuto’s mom brought it up. “Oh, Akaashi! I noticed you had your colors while we were painting! You should tell us your soul story! All of us have our mates too, you know! Even little Hiroto! Oh, all except Koutarou and Rui of course. We can go around and share!”

 

Akaashi noticed the whole table fell silent for the first time since they’d sat down and everyone was looking at him. Bokuto looked a bit panicked, but unable to step in. It didn’t help with the nervous flutter in Akaashi’s stomach. He’d gathered from Bokuto’s reaction that his family thought very highly of soulmates. “Um, actually, I was born with my colors. I think I got it from my mom, she was too.”

 

Akaashi had looked down at the table when he said it. The lie still tasted bad on his tongue whenever he used it. The silence suddenly felt heavy. Akaashi looked up at everyone and saw a wide array of disbelieving looks. Yokuto was the one to break it. “Does that mean your parents aren’t bonded!?”

 

Akaashi blinked at him. He actually sounded… happy about it? “Ah, yes, actually. My Father’s soulmate died when they were both around Rui-chan’s age. My parents were good friends and agreed to get married and have a child. Um, they love each other very much though.”

 

Yokuto’s face made a twitch at the death comment, but broke out into a grin by the end. Everyone else looked horrified. Bokuto knocked his elbow into Akaashi’s. Akaashi appreciated it.

 

Bokuto’s dad cleared his throat. “I’m really sorry to hear that Akaashi-kun. I can’t imagine not having my lovely wife as a soulmate. I’m thankful everyday that I met her at that owl shoot in the US all those years ago.”

 

Bokuto took that moment to speak up.  Akaashi realized that he hadn’t heard him speak much throughout the meal. “Can we change the subject please? You’re bothering Akaashi.”

 

Yokuto sneered. “Are you sure it’s Akaashi we’re bothering? This is just the sort of thing YOU wouldn’t like, Koutaro.”

 

Akaashi could tell Bokuto was grinding his teeth, his eye’s actually narrowed at Yokuto. Akaashi winced internally. Yokuto even seemed a bit taken aback by Bokuto’s expression, but it was only a flash before his face turned smug.

 

Bokuto’s mom interjected. “Of course we can change the subject. Your father still hasn’t told us about those foxes he went to photograph!”

 

__________________________________________________________________________

  


Bokuto’s dad had gotten him out the spare futon and put it in Bokuto’s room while they had gotten ready for bed. They both stopped in the doorway to stare at it for a good minute.

 

Akaashi knew they couldn’t exactly ignore it. If they did and just slept in Bokuto’s bed someone would probably catch them together in the morning. If that happened there was no good answer they could give. Akaashi cast Bokuto a sidelong glance. He’d miss it.

 

He went and laid down. He heard Bokuto give a big sigh before he turned off the light and crawled into his own bed. He tried not to think anything of Bokuto’s sigh.

 

Akaashi didn’t even try to sleep. He stared up at the shadows on Bokuto’s ceiling and tried to process everything that had just happened while ignoring his longing to climb up into Bokuto’s bed after him. He could tell Bokuto wasn’t sleeping either by how still he was lying.

 

It was about an hour before Akaashi couldn’t hold in his questions anymore and whispered into the darkness. “Can I ask you a question Bokuto-san?”

 

It was a long second before Bokuto responded, also whispering. “Yeah.”

 

“What’s going on between you and your brother? Yokuto-kun?”

 

He heard Bokuto suck in a breath and let it out slowly. “I always really looked up to my big sister, so when he was born I figured I should be a good role model, you know? We had really different personalities, but we did okay. I always looked out for him the best I could. Four years ago, we found out about my color blindness. He took it…. Really bad. It took a long time for him to look me in the eye again. It got worse when he got his soulmate two years ago. He won’t give anyone details, all we know is that it’s a boy who he’s convinced hates him. It’s so bad he says he’d rather be color blind like me, but I’m convinced it’ll work itself out. I just feel like I’m failing him sometimes.”

 

Akaashi moved his fingers together on top of his blanket. “It doesn’t sound like there’s much of anything anyone can do. You’re there for him. You can’t do much better than that.”

 

Bokuto made a choking noise in the back of his throat. “I’m a joke Akaashi. I’m a joke to my family. Rui’s small and still filled with potential, Hiroto found his soulmate at eight and the two are best friends! Yokuto lost all faith in anything cause I can’t be there for him! I love my parents but their whole lives revolve around the colors I can’t see. I can’t be included in so much. Sometimes it felt like the only person who was there for me was Miwa, but she went off to college when I started high school.”

 

Akaashi could hear that Bokuto had started crying. It was soft, mostly sniffles, but it made Akaashi feel like something was sitting on his ribs. He had no idea what to say to make this better. He didn’t have any siblings, tried to be as uninvolved as possible when it came to soulmates. “Bokuto-san…”

 

Bokuto tried to muffle his crying. “I- I’m sorry Akaashiiii. I didn’t- didn’t mean to get upset.”

 

Akaashi finally turned and looked over at the bed. “Bokuto-san. Look at me.”

 

Bokuto kept crying for a second, then turned over so he could look at Akaashi. Even in the dark his eyes seemed to glow. Akaashi’s insides hurt. “Bokuto-san. You let me get upset about my parents. You were there for me when I needed you. You're- probably the best friend I’ve ever had. I’m not… good, at this kind of thing. But I want to be there for you when you need me. Like you are for me.”

 

Akaashi could feel his ears burning, and it took everything he had to keep eye contact with Bokuto while saying that, but he knew it was important. He wanted to help Bokuto with anything he needed, not just volleyball. Bokuto meant… so much to him, it was hard to quantify it sometimes. He desperately wanted to protect this one thing. This one person.

 

Bokuto just looked at him and sniffled for several more minutes, before he flung one arm over the side of his bed. “Can you just… hold my hand, maybe?”

 

Everything in Akaashi melted. He didn’t say anything, he just reached over to Bokuto’s hand where it sat on the floor and rested his over it. Bokuto, slowly, laced their fingers together. Akaashi didn’t know how to tell him it was okay. That he was here and would keep being here. He squeezed.

 

They lay in the dark like that for awhile, Bokuto’s sniffles dying down, but neither even coming close to sleep. Eventually Akaashi breaks the silence. “What’s your older sister like?”

 

Bokuto shifts, one eye and then half his face coming out of his pillow to look at Akaashi. His voice was hoarse and quiet when he spoke. “She’s the best. She’s the reason I got into volleyball. She used to play for our team as a setter. She taught Blakistoni everything he knows. She’s super smart though, so she’s not still doing volleyball, she quite to focus on her studies. Microbiology.”

 

Akaashi was a bit confused. “I didn’t know Fukurodani let girl’s play on the boy’s team?”

 

Bokuto gave a half laugh at the back of his throat. “They don’t. Miwa didn’t tell anyone she was a girl until she went to college.”

 

“Ah.”

 

Bokuto’s eye’s drifted down away from Akaashi. His voice got thick, like he was fending off more tears. “She was so upset when she told us Akaashi. She told me first. She thought I would hate her. It was awful. Like I suddenly wouldn’t care about the person I looked up to most. She cried a lot.” Akaashi had never seen Bokuto’s eyes look farther away. When he continued it was in an equally far-away voice. “Parents were happy for her though. That she was able to be herself with them. Mom took her shopping a lot.”

 

Akaashi had a terrible suspicion that he hoped was wrong. “Bokuto-san… When was the last time you talked to your sister?”

 

Bokuto blinked a couple times, but as his eyes refocused they filled with tears again. “It’s been… few months.”

 

“Bokuto-san…”

 

Something in Bokuto seemed to come loose. He sat up in bed, taking his hand back to use when he gestured. He was trying very hard to keep his voice down, managing a loud whisper. Sniffles kept interrupting him while he talked. “I miss her so much Akaashi. But, but she met her soulmate last year! Some basketball player! She’s so happy now! Now that-that she can be herself! Now that she’s got her soulmate!” He paused to roughly rub some tears off and gather his thoughts. “She told me it took some time for them to really get going, but they just fit so perfectly together. She told me about the colors! How bright they are. How she understands now! You should have heard her when she told me Akaashi. She cried over the phone about how beautiful they were. And I can’t-” He had to cut himself off he was crying too hard.

 

Akaashi was also sitting up now. His eyes were wide in a horrid understanding. Bokuto would never see color. He already felt isolated in a family that spent every moment of their lives entrenched in color and love and soulmates. His sister was the one he felt he could talk to and look up too. Then she left and almost immediately finds her soulmate too. Bokuto must have felt so alone.

 

He climbed up on the bed and wrapped his arms around Bokuto. He immediately clung on and  started shaking and crying into Akaashi’s shirt. Akaashi held him as tight as he could. Soulmate or not, he could never give Bokuto this. He felt like a failure, that this was all he could give him.

 

Eventually the sobs died down. Bokuto didn’t move. He whispered into Akaashi’s shirt. “I know- I know I’ll never get the colors either way. But, but if I could just meet my soulmate. The way my family talks about them. I would do anything for my soulmate Akaashi. Anything. Someone who would love me forever. But-but if they don’t want me I’ll never even know they exist. Cause I’m-I’m broken. I didn’t mean to stop talking to her. Everything just hurts Akaashi.”

 

Akaashi squeezed his eyes shut in pain. Hot tears rolled down his face. His voice was thick when he spoke. “You’re not broken Bokuto. You’re perfect. You’ll find someone who loves you either way.”

 

Bokuto sobbed again and Akaashi kept clinging.

 

Whether he was Bokuto’s soulmate or not, Bokuto was his. Even if he never tells Bokuto, he knows he’s going to love him until the day he dies. He never had a chance at anything else.


	4. Shaken Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I.... may have added another chapter before the end I'm really sorry! Next chapter is the end for sure! (I hope)

Akaashi thanked everything in him that when Rui came in to wake them up the morning after their sleepover, they had managed to separate so they were found with only their hands even close to each other.

 

It had been a couple weeks since then and Akaashi couldn’t stop thinking about it. Every spare second he had he’d hear Bokuto’s cries in his head, or feel him shaking in his arms. Sometimes he’d look at Bokuto and hear a whispered ‘ _I’m broken’_ float through his head. He knew he had to use the information he’d learned about Bokuto to reassess the soulmate business.

 

He now understood much better what Kuroo had been talking about. That no matter who Bokuto was bound too, that he would love them. He’d been raised to believe that having a soulmate was the be all end all of finding love and happiness. That it would help him belong in a world he felt ostracized from.

 

Looking back Akaashi could see that a lot of his reasoning about everything came from fear. Fear that he wasn’t good enough for Bokuto, fear that he’d be using him, fear that it would make Bokuto lie about how he felt, would chain him to someone in ways he would grow to hate more and more.

 

He hadn’t even really known what being someone’s soulmate was like. His parent’s weren’t soulmates, he’d never had any close friends before this year, much less one’s that were bonded.

 

He was scared.

 

Over the past several months a lot of things had changed.

 

He had met a few different soulmates, or heard stories about them. Had seen Kenma let Kuroo wrap an arm around him in public. Witnessed how devoted Bokuto’s parent’s were to each other and the family they created. Had heard how happy Hiroto was with his despite being so young. How Miwa’s brought her love and color and brightness.

 

He had also seen the darker side a bit though. He’d gained new perspective about his father’s own soul story by sharing it. Lived as someone like his mother, who was born with colors. How people both envied and pitied those people. Heard the story of Yokuto, whose soulmate hated him.

 

Bokuto.

 

He’d seen and learned so much about Bokuto. About what it was like to be surrounded by bonded pairs who loved each other. About the despair that he felt that he could never see the color, never truly be apart of that world. Could never find his soulmate on his own.

 

How he looked when he was happy, and sad, and depressed, and laughing. How he felt sleeping wrapped around him, or shaking in his arms. The feel of his hand in his. The warmth of his smile, the depths of his love for others.

 

Akaashi had learned how to be a soulmate.

 

He’d grown to love Bokuto unconditionally. To make room in his life for someone. To want someone with him always. He’d learned that even when things didn’t go well, or right, that the real important part of being bonded was to stick with them through it.

 

Bokuto was more than he could have ever hoped for in a soulmate. The real other half of him.

 

When he was with Bokuto, or when the sun was out, that was the part he’d focus on. How he wanted Bokuto to know so he could tell him how much he loved him. So he could let Bokuto just _know_ how much he meant to him.

 

But when he was alone at night, staring up at his ceiling the other thoughts would creep in. Was he good enough for Bokuto back? He knew they had gotten close. Closer than most friends. But Bokuto had been going along with no knowledge that Akaashi was actually his soulmate. The way he’d cried out for someone that would love him forever. Akaashi knew he could do that, but would Bokuto believe that?

 

There was also that fact that he’d waited so long to tell him. Would Bokuto think that Akaashi didn’t want him because he waited so long? That Akaashi didn’t think he was good enough when he was everything?

 

What if Bokuto thought those things and never told Akaashi because he just wanted a soulmate? If they did get together Akaashi wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to get rid of the feeling that he was using Bokuto. Holding onto Bokuto for his own selfish reasons.

 

But when Bokuto touched him, or smiled at him, fuck did he want to take that leap. To be selfish. To hold this one person close no matter what.

 

Akaashi couldn’t make up his mind. And the tournament was approaching faster than Akaashi would like. Eventually he had to put thoughts of soulmates to the back of his mind to concentrate, deciding that he would hold off on making a decision until afterwards.

  


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The team was really coming together. It took some time for Akaashi to get used to being the only setter at practices, but everyone was more patient with him than he could have imagined. Then again, he supposed they were used to only working with Blakistoni.

 

Mimizuku gave both him and Bokuto a lot of useful tips about how to handle the team, and Shirofuku was a huge asset, both in getting people motivated, and in helping get things organized.

 

Akaashi really felt they had a good chance going into the tournament. And they did.

 

They blew through to Nationals.

 

Bokuto had a few games where he dipped in mood, but when he was in form...It took Akaashi’s breath away. It made him strive harder than he ever had in his life.

 

When they made it to the finals Akaashi could hardly believe it.

 

It made every single player more motivated than they’ve ever been. Bokuto absolutely radiated power in every move. Akaashi believed with every bit of his soul that Bokuto could lead them to a victory when he had that look in his eyes.

 

Then the final whistle blew. Their victory set in stone.

 

Akaashi was screaming in a victory cry echoed by his teammates before he knew it. His eyes immediately tracked over to Bokuto who was also slowly turning toward Akaashi in a daze. Akaashi didn’t even try to rein in his impulses, he was grinning so wide his face felt it was going to split as he ran up to Bokuto and threw his arms around his neck.

 

Bokuto was right there as soon as Akaashi had closed the distance, smiling wide and happy and lifting Akaashi off his feet to do a twirl. Akaashi lifted his legs to put them around Bokuto’s waist as the spin came to a close. Bokuto caught him under his thighs. Akaashi pulled back enough so he could press his forehead against Bokuto’s, both of their manic grins calming to sincere smiles.

 

Bokuto’s eyes were liquid gold just a few inches away. Their smiles were almost pressed together. A loud voice echoed in Akaashi’s head screaming **_Now! Do it now!_ ** Akaashi tilted his head to the right, just enough that he could line their lips together. Akaashi saw Bokuto’s eyes widen just before he closed his. Were Bokuto’s hands trembling under his thighs?

 

Akaashi’s eyes jolted open as he was hit in the back by several teammates plowing into him, throwing their arms around him and Bokuto.

 

He thought he felt his lips land somewhere near Bokuto’s ear before he was completely swallowed by the celebratory dog pile.

  
  


______________________________________________________________________

  


Akaashi was changing in the locker room, trying desperately to only think of the teams hard-earned victory, when the door practically burst open. Akaashi was using one of the lockers closest to the door when it opened, therefore he could easily hear the intensely whispered conversation the two guys halfway in the door were having.

 

“I thought you said you'd come with me for moral support?”

 

“I haven't talked to any of them- Mimizuku-”

 

“Come on, it's partially your fault!”

 

Akaashi recognized the first voice as Blakistoni’s, but had no clue about the second. Just Blakistoni's voice by itself was enough to set Akaashi on the defensive. He straightened up and turned to get eyes on Bokuto. Bokuto was already staring in the direction of both Akaashi and the door with wide eyes, but when he saw Akaashi looking his face got serious, and he moved closer to Akaashi to put a hand on his shoulder.

 

Mimizuku had skidded around the corner to be in front of the door, the rest of the team peeking out from behind the lockers, by the time Blakistoni and the other guy had stopped bickering and actually come in the door. Mimizuku was wearing a darker scowl on his face than any Akaashi had ever seen. His fists looked painful they were clenched so tight on his hips. Akaashi took Mimizuku's reaction to mean he hadn't had a very fruitful talk with Blakistoni after the incident. He couldn't even imagine what he could want with the team after all that.

 

Akaashi had to work hard to stifle his surprise when Blakistoni came in, tugging on the hand of who must have been the other guy in the hall. Even when he came to a shamefaced stand-still in front of Mimizuku, he continued to clutch onto the other guy’s hand, their fingers laced. Blakistoni was already a tall person, but this guy was about three inches taller and twice as broad as Blakistoni's thin frame. As soon as Mimizuku got a good look at the other man his hands dropped in shock.

 

Akaashi heard one of his teammates whisper “Amachi.” From where they were hiding. He thought it may have been the other third year, Ural.

 

Now was one of the few times since Akaashi had joined the team that he really felt his age. Despite being the youngest on the team, they all treated Akaashi with, frankly, more respect than Akaashi thought he deserved, to the point where he rarely felt the difference. Like he'd been part of this team the whole time. But no pleasant illusion of feelings could stop the dark spiral churning in Akaashi's gut now. There was so much history turning through the air in the room. Akaashi would give almost anything to have been privy to that history, to have been with Bokuto and this team through everything.

 

Now there was little he could do but stand and watch the whole thing unfold.

 

Blakistoni dipped into a sudden, deep, bow, dragging Amachi down with him. “I'm sorry I hurt the team. Please accept my apology. Mimizuku. Ural. Everyone.”

 

Before Mimizuku could respond Blakistoni was turning to Akaashi and Bokuto, not getting up from his bow. “I especially apologize to you two. Captain Bokuto. Vice-Captain Akaashi. I lashed out at you unnecessarily.”

 

Akaashi's mouth dropped open. He felt Bokuto's hand tighten its grip on his shoulder. Bokuto's voice was intense when he talked, it made Blakistoni jerk up to attention to meet his eyes. “You hurt Akaashi.”

 

Blakistoni's face and posture took on a defeated look. Amachi had angled to look at Blakistoni now, his grip on his hand tight enough that his knuckles were white when Akaashi glanced at them. “I know I did. I can't take back the things I've already done.”

 

Akaashi turned his head just enough to see Bokuto's face. This was the first time Akaashi had ever thought that Bokuto looked scary. He wasn't sure how Blakistoni was managing to meet his eyes. Some part of Akaashi recognized that this fierceness on Bokuto's side was for him. It felt like his heart was melting in his chest. No one had ever felt the need to protect or stand up for Akaashi like this. The scene from earlier flashed through Akaashi's mind. How it felt to be wrapped up in Bokuto, mere centimeters from having his lips on his. He pushed the image away harshly. Now wasn't the time, he had to get a hold of himself.

 

Mimizuku interrupted Bokuto and Blakistoni's staring “I think we all deserve to hear the whole story. You can't hurt us and keep secrets and expect us to just forgive and forget without telling us anything. You ended up jeopardizing the whole team with your behavior. I can't even imagine how destroyed this team would be if Akaashi hadn't joined this year to help cover your holes.”

 

Akaashi was startled that Mimizuku would bring him up like that. He was glad that his… former captain,  would think so highly of a first year like him. Akaashi started fiddling with his fingers absently while he waited for Blakistoni's response.

 

He found himself surprised even further when Blakistoni's face lit up in a blush. He looked away and scuffed his foot a little on the tile. “Well, see, the-the thing is-”

 

Amachi tugged his hand a little so that Blakistoni had to look at him. Amachi only nodded once he'd gotten Blakistoni's attention. It seemed to give Blakistoni some courage though.

 

He straightened up and took a deep breath, once again meeting Mimizuku's eyes. “The thing is. Amachi and I are soulmates. It was immediately obvious when we met the first time, my first year introduction meeting. We were both embarrassed to have been matched with another guy, a teammate even. So we hid it and talked about it later. We quickly agreed that it was purely platonic and so it would be stupid and unnecessary to tell anyone.”

 

Akaashi could practically see the regret pouring off of Blakistoni in waves. He wondered what it would have been like. To be embarrassed by Bokuto. How he would feel if Bokuto had known but wanted to hide it.

 

“But for me, being together, playing together. It changed things. I hated myself for it, but it did.” Blakistoni got to the point he couldn’t look at anyone. He continued with his eyes glued to the floor. “I did everything I could to hide it from Amachi the whole time he was at school. But the feelings just kept growing. Finally, it got to the point that they had to come out whether I liked it or not. I couldn’t stand the thought of him going off to college not knowing how I felt about him. So I told him at his graduation but…”

 

Amachi cut in abruptly. “I didn’t feel the same way. I… I told Blakistoni that he was imagining his feelings. That we were only platonic soulmates. And that we should spend some time apart until he got his head on right.”

 

Akaashi’s breath caught in his throat even as Blakistoni flinched. Bokuto’s hand fell from Akaashi’s shoulder. Mimizuku let out a soft “damn.” and whispers broke out from the rest of the team.

 

Akaashi had seen what some people could be like with same-sex couples, but it was rare among younger people. The law of soulmates was absolute, but the fact that couples could be platonic presented problems in certain circles. One percent of the population was born without a soulmate. Of the other 99% of people 69% were different sex couples and 30% same-sex with a reported 10% of each type being platonic. Most people accepted this and saw soulmates as a given regardless of anything else. Some people, however, believe that all same-sex couples should inherently be platonic. That there was no such thing a romantic same-sex soulbond.

 

Looking at the regret painted all over Amachi’s face right now he wondered how much bigotry he’d had to hear at home about his relationship.

 

Blakistoni picked up the story in a soft voice, leaving Amachi to glare at a wall. “I spent all of this year trying to contact him at school. Take back what I said, maybe. Even if I couldn’t be with him romantically, I would have done anything just to spend any sort of time with him. To talk to him just once. But no matter what I did he wouldn’t talk to me.”

 

Akaashi could see that Blakistoni had started shaking. It seemed to pull Amachi back to what was going on. He wrapped an arm around Blakistoni’s shoulders and pulled him close.

 

This gave Akaashi a second to think. He looked again to Bokuto next to him as subtly as he could. Bokuto was staring straight ahead at the couple in front of him with an intense face. Akaashi saw none of the concern or care he was expecting to see there. He didn’t know how to feel about it. Looking at the couple himself felt like looking directly at a worst-case scenario for his and Bokuto’s relationship.

 

Akaashi has never let himself fully think over the implications of Bokuto being a year older. While it hardly makes a difference age-wise, it meant that Akaashi was going to have to go through his last year of high school without Bokuto. It also meant that if Akaashi confessed or somehow managed to push Bokuto away he ran the very real risk of not seeing him again after the end of next year.

 

Blakistoni continued on, oblivious to Akaashi’s inner turmoil, his voice ringing around Akaashi’s head. “The whole thing was awful and I couldn’t even talk to anyone about it. Then it felt like the team was trying to replace Amachi like he never existed. I knew Bokuto earned everything he got, but I let my feelings get in the way of my team playing. I knew what I was doing even as I did it and it just made me feel even worse. I owe Bokuto’s older sister a lot for training me, I shouldn’t have treated her brother like that. I’m so sorry Bokuto. Akaashi. I’m sure you’re gonna make an even better setter than me.”

 

Blakistoni took one look at Bokuto and seemingly decided to hold his hand out to Akaashi. Akaashi automatically started to reach out to take it, when he felt Bokuto bump his shoulder. It jerked Akaashi out of the daze he’d been in for the last couple minutes. Bokuto didn’t say anything when Akaashi looked at him, but Akaashi could understand what he wanted to say as clearly as if he was screaming it. His face said, “you don’t have to accept his apology. He hurt you.” It reminded Akaashi of the incident with Kuroo all over again. It made Akaashi more sure of his acceptance. The only reason Akaashi had to not accept was for Bokuto’s sake, but it seemed to Akaashi that the only reason Bokuto wasn’t accepting was because of Akaashi.

 

Bokuto was not the type of person who should hold grudges. It felt too much like putting weights on his wings. It just held him down.

 

Akaashi let the corner of his mouth quirk up just a bit, and leant his shoulder into Bokuto’s for a second, just long enough to see Bokuto’s face finally soften, before completing his movement to reach out and take Blakistoni’s hand. Akaashi was glad that Blakistoni hadn’t pulled it back while he was having his moment with Bokuto.

 

When Akaashi looked up into Blakistoni’s face he was surprised to see a soft smile there. Looking past him at Amachi, Akaashi was even more surprised to see him grinning. Akaashi tried to push past the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach the looks gave him. “Thank you for your apology, I’m glad to accept it. Thank you for looking after me this year. I do have a question though.” Blakistoni quirked an eyebrow at him and let go of his hand. “If you were in such disastrous straits with Amachi-san, how are you together right now?”

 

Blakistoni let out a nervous sounding laugh. “Um, it was a group effort actually. Mimizuku tried to talk to me after I pushed you, but I yelled at him and completely shut him out.”

 

Mimizuku cut in. “I’ll say, you were a complete jerk.”

 

Blakistoni spent the next minute or so trying to apologize to a fake angry Mimizuku. Akaashi realized their friendship was important, but he was impatient to hear how Blakistoni and Amachi finally got together. It was all he could do to keep from tapping his foot.

 

Blakistoni finally pulled himself together and leant against Amachi, who wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and continued his story. “Mimizuku called Miwa, Bokuto’s sister, because he knew I’d listen to her. She called me and I… may have told her the whole story. I knew I shouldn’t have, but she’d guessed a lot of it anyway and I trust Miwa-senpai more than anyone. She got real quiet toward the end and then hung up pretty abruptly too. It turned out she was calling Amachi to yell at him to come talk to me.”

 

Amachi cuts in. “By the time she called I’d been miserable and regretting everything for a long time already. I realized once he was gone that I loved him, but I couldn’t just… tell him that, after all I’d done. I didn’t think I deserved him. Miwa basically forced us to talk and we worked things out.”

 

Blakistoni was looking happier than Akaashi had ever seen him. He wrapped his knuckles gently against Amachi’s chest. “This idiot owes me at least ten favors for all the drama, but I’m glad to have him back more than anything. He is my soulmate after all.” He laughed a bit. “But you guys must know all about that! I’m glad our old team has one functioning soulmate pair! Seeing you two in action was a sight.” Blakistoni winked.

 

Akaashi’s heart jumped up into his throat, his eyes going wide against his will. He opened his mouth to say something, he had to say something, but nothing came up past his heart. He could feel the stares of Mimizuku and the rest of the team, how silent their whispers had gotten.

 

Akaashi felt Bokuto move from where he was pressed up against his side to a foot away. Then Bokuto spoke. “We’re not soulmates! We just work well together, that’s all.”

 

Bokuto’s voice had a tense edge to it that hurt more than the words. Akaashi swallowed heavily and worked on getting his face back in order. His blood felt like ice. He nodded in agreement with Bokuto anyway.

 

Blakistoni’s face had gotten tense and his smile slowly melted into a tight frown. His voice was soft and understanding when he spoke and it made Akaashi nauseous. “You guys. You don’t have to play it that way with the team. Me and Amachi have been playing the ‘we just work well together ‘ card for years. You can trust us.”

 

Akaashi couldn’t look at anyone. He couldn’t speak. The excuse he’d made drifted through the back of his mind, but he just couldn’t bring himself to deny it.

 

It turns out he didn’t have to. Bokuto spoke up for the both of them. “We’re not like you two. We really aren’t soulmates. Akaashi was born with his colors and I’m fucking colorblind dammit. You know that!”

 

That was real anger in Bokuto’s voice. Akaashi wasn’t sure he’d ever heard Bokuto quite like this before. The force of the words actually made Akaashi take a half-step forward. He practically whipped his head around to look at Bokuto. His hands were clenched, hard, and held partially up. He was glaring so hard it looked like his eyes were tearing up. His mouth was twisted into a sneer Akaashi had never seen. Akaashi saw that Mimizuku was looking shocked on the other side of Bokuto, and that Konaha, Ural, and the others had come out from behind the lockers at some point and were also looking freaked out about everything that was happening.

 

“But..” Blakistoni somehow thought it was a good idea to keep talking. He and Amachi both looked gobsmacked and his voice was tinged with disbelief. “We saw….”

 

Akaashi gaped at them as his mind flashed. What was it they saw exactly? There were so many moments where Akaashi had been weak, so many times…. The gym. The victory celebration on the court where he’d leaned in so close. The almost kiss. The one thing that had been constantly on his mind since it happened. Akaashi had completely forgotten in the moment that they had been in a huge gym, on t.v. even, that thousands of people had been watching Akaashi completely lose his mind. At Nationals. He felt dizzy. The ramifications of his actions pressed in on him.

 

Bokuto lost it. “I don’t care what you saw! I don’t have a soulmate! Akaashi is just a friend no matter what you think!”

 

Angry tears were now running down Bokuto’s face as he ran past Blakistoni and Amachi to get out the door.

 

Everyone’s eyes turned to follow him as he ran out the door. Akaashi collapsed onto the bench next to him. He looked up to see everyone’s eyes on him. He couldn’t…. He clasped his hands behind his neck and lowered his head between his knees. He could hear how loud and erratic his breaths were in his ears and tried to slow it down. Get a hold of himself.

 

He heard a voice over his head whisper “Akaashi…”

 

He let out a soft groan against his will. “I’ll take care of it, just… Give me a second.”

 

Akaashi heard a few whispers at that, but forced himself to ignore them. He needed to calm down so he could go get Bokuto. Then he could deal with the team.

 

After a couple more deep breathes he dropped his hands and stood up. Everyone was still looking at him, but he ignored them and went straight for the locker room door.

 

He threw it open and realized his mistake. With how big the building was there was no way to know where Bokuto was now that he’d gotten a head start. He took a few steps forward and started scanning frantically around trying to draw on what he knew the building looked like to try and guess the direction Bokuto had most likely gone in. He was fully prepared to search every inch of it.

 

A loud wail caught his attention and he turned to look to his left, where there was a short bit of hallway before a dead end. Right at the end of it was Bokuto crying into the shoulder of a tall girl with long black hair and glasses. She looked enough like Bokuto that Akaashi could guess it was the elusive Miwa. Next to them was an equally tall boy with a mouth like a cat’s. He’d turned in Akaashi’s direction, probably when the door opened. He saw Akaashi looking and raised a hand in a short wave.

 

This gained Miwa’s attention. She turned her head just enough to see who the guy was waving at over Bokuto’s hair. Her brown eyes were piercing behind her glasses when they met Akaashi’s. She made a subtle jerking motion toward the sobbing Bokuto on her shoulder. Akaashi felt his mouth tighten. He wasn’t sure how to respond. Miwa must have seen something on his face though, because one corner of her mouth tipped up before she turned her attention back onto Bokuto.

 

Akaashi was at a loss. He didn’t know what to do now. He’d told the team he’d help Bokuto, that’s what he was for after all, but now. Now he was in better hands than his. He hadn’t even been sure what to say or do this time to help Bokuto. If Bokuto would even let him help when it was him that caused the problem.

 

He was startled out of his spiraling thoughts by a pair of mismatched hands landing on his shoulders. He recognized Amachi’s voice, “The three of us need to have little talk kid.”

 

Before he could even respond they had each grabbed one of Akaashi’s upper arms and started practically dragging him in the opposite direction to Bokuto. They stopped at the closest men’s restrooms. Amachi went in to make sure it was empty before they went in, Blakistoni locking the door behind them.

 

Akaashi made an attempt at a protest at that, but was firmly ignored. They stood in front of the bathroom stalls with their arms crossed, leaving Akaashi to lean against a sink across from them. Akaashi ran a tired hand through his hair. He wasn’t sure he’d ever felt more out of his depth.

 

They let Akaashi process in quiet for a minute, but eventually, when it became obvious that Akaashi wasn’t about to talk, Blakistoni broke the silence. “Look, Akaashi, I know I haven’t been the best senpai ever. That I made some bad choices. But something is clearly going on here that you need some help with. Please let me help you with this. As one gay setter to another.”

 

Akaashi looked up from the dirty tile into Blakistoni’s pleading face. Akaashi had never really thought about a label for himself, and hearing it spoken aloud now was a bit jarring in the bright fluorescent light of the bathroom, but Akaashi supposed it was correct. It had a bit of the feeling of something slotting into place. It made him wonder what else he could make slot into place by speaking aloud.

 

He was so tired. Tired of keeping his mouth shut. Of needing to always keep tabs on the people around him. Of stopping just a centimeter away from the things he wanted.

 

He’d passed up so many opportunities to talk to someone. He knew that Kuroo knew. But he was so easy to avoid when not at camp. Was so over-the-top in everything he did that Akaashi knew he could never bring himself to have serious talks with Kuroo. But he was there. Kenma also knew. But Akaashi’s relationship with him was almost entirely made of silent understanding. He’d always been sure that Kenma would be uncomfortable having a real talk with him. His parents had found out. Had wanted to have a talk with him. Akaashi had avoided them and used their work against them. He was so sure that because they were his parents, that they wouldn’t understand. That they spent so much of their time working that that was all they understood. That they wouldn’t try for their only child that they had oh-so-shortly forgotten about, despite his existence being the reason for their relationship.

 

When Akaashi thought about it he recognized the excuses for what they were. He knew that Kuroo could be serious when he wanted to, that he would try. If not for Akaashi himself, then because it also affected Bokuto. He knew that Kenma thought of them as friends, and that even if it made him uncomfortable to have a serious conversation, that he would listen. That his parents cared about him, even when they didn’t really have time to.

 

Now there could be no more excuses. Here was a real older couple, that knew him, that had more experience then him. That actively wanted him to talk to them and let them help.

 

Akaashi let out a sigh that seemed to empty his whole body. He looked Blakistoni right in the eyes, and for the first time ever he spoke the words out loud. “I’m in love with Bokuto.”

 

It seemed silly to Akaashi to bother with honorifics for such a declaration. The words seemed to weigh more than any others that Akaashi had ever spoken, so much that the relief of their leaving his lips made his knees weak and a breathy laugh escape as he dropped into a crouch in front of the sink.  

 

He saw Blakistoni and Amachi exchange a worried look before following him to the floor.

 

Once Akaashi got a hold of himself he couldn’t keep the words from spilling out. “My parents aren’t soulmates you know. They always seemed happy to me though, so I figured it didn’t matter. That soulmates didn’t matter. I’d avoid people that talked about them. Why put yourself through so much drama for a person that _couldn’t_ matter as much as people said they did. I definitely never wanted one for myself.”

 

Blakistoni and Amachi eyes were wide as they stared at him from across the floor. Akaashi felt so light. Like he was filled with helium. The sadness he should be feeling was present only in the far reaches of his mind. Distant. Less real than his _need_ to get the words out.

 

“Did you know that Bokuto hit me in the face with a volleyball when we first met? It was my first time in the gym, and I open the doors to a volleyball to the face. It hit me a lot lighter than the colors. The bright gold of Bokuto’s eyes. I woke up in a state. First I couldn’t believe that _I_ had a _soulmate_ of all things. Me. Then I couldn’t believe I had gotten one that was unrequited. All in my first day of club if you can believe it.”

 

Akaashi started laughing again. He wasn’t sure if it was at his past self or the looks on the other’s faces.

 

“No one told me until our first camp that Bokuto was color blind. I had already decided not to tell him we were soulmates before I knew. I should have told him then, but I was a coward. I lied and said that I was born with my colors. I couldn’t accept this great gift that was right in front of me. And now. Now I’ve fallen in love with the idiot and it’s far too late to do anything about it.”

 

Sometime during his talking Akaashi realized he must have started crying, because when he looked down at his arm, it was already wet and blurry. He scrubbed his face with his hands as hard as he could and fell back onto his butt on the floor, so his knees were in front of him. The feeling of helium had drained out of Akaashi now. All he felt was empty. Empty and drained and so, so tired.

 

Akaashi couldn’t bring himself to look at the other two. He pressed his forehead against his arms folded on his knees.

 

Amachi’s voice filled the heavy silence that had permeated the bathroom. “So Bokuto doesn’t know your soulmates, hasn’t known the whole time you’ve known each other. But you two have gotten to know each other like soulmates anyway. From what I’ve seen and heard from Blakistoni, you work together like a well-oiled machine, you’ve learned each other’s body language to the point you don’t really need words to understand, and you’re practically inseparable. It’s grown to the point that even oblivious Bokuto has noticed something off about it and has freaked out. That sound right?”

 

Akaashi squeezed his eyes tight shut at the dull pain the words brought him and made a vague sound of assent.

 

Amachi continued. “It sounds like it’s do or die time. You need to figure out what matters the most to you and go after that before you lose everything. Losing Blakistoni…”

 

Akaashi blearily looked up at Amachi at the amount of sheer pain that he could hear enter his voice.

 

Amachi now had his eyes closed tight while he talked. Blakistoni clutching his hand with wet-looking eyes. “Losing Blakistoni at the end of last year felt like carving out a piece of me and leaving it bloody on the sidewalk. The walls seemed too close at all times. I kept turning to the space beside me and saying something to him and getting a shock at the emptiness all over again. I still had the colors, but they seemed so dull without the person that brought them. Worse, I knew that it was my own fault that things were that way. That I had hurt the person closest to me. I just wanted to, to hold him tight in my arms and never let go, but-but that I didn’t deserve to.”

 

Blakistoni whispered a soft, “Amachi…”

 

Akaashi felt a bit dirty hearing it.

 

Amachi took a deep breath to center himself before he continued, making sure to meet Akaashi’s eyes. “You need each other is what I’m saying Akaashi. Whatever you do, don’t let him walk away.”

 

Akaashi looked to the left to avoid Amachi’s eyes. Akaashi remembered the first time he’d seen Bokuto, how he was dozing off next to his bedside in the nurse's office. Remembered the back of his shoulders as he followed him down the long halls back to the gym as the panic overtook him. Remembered watching Bokuto from afar. How he’d stood up at the lunch table that first camp when Kuroo brought up soulmates. The lie Akaashi had told. Remembered all the times Bokuto had left and Akaashi had followed. The one time Akaashi had run and Bokuto had chased him. Bokuto’s hand sliding down his shoulder. His hand holding Bokuto’s in the dark. The almost kiss.

 

The look on Bokuto’s face when he’d run from the locker room.

 

Akaashi put his head back in his arms. When he spoke it was soft, addressed more to his arm maybe than Amachi. “I just don’t know if I’m strong enough this time.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Blakistoni left the bathroom ahead of Akaashi and Amachi to see what Akaashi would be dealing with when he left. Akaashi knew they were trying to help, but he felt that the bigger of a deal anyone made of the incident the worse it would end up being for himself and Bokuto later.

 

The whole time he was gone Akaashi and Amachi didn’t say a word. Amachi kept looking at the door like he was expecting someone to slam into the locked bathroom and start shooting. Blakistoni’s quiet knocks came as a relief to Akaashi, but a call to action for Amachi, who jumped up immediately to rip the door open for him. Akaashi only saw them exchange one quick, loaded, glance before Blakistoni was looking over in his direction.

 

“I just talked to Mimizuku. He said that he just spoke to Miwa and Bokuto’s getting a ride home with his family that was here watching the game, so you shouldn’t be seeing him right off. Give you two some time to calm down and think things through. Mimizuku’s had a talk with the rest of the team that he claimed boiled down to just not to make a big deal of things and to leave you and Bokuto alone about stuff for a while.”

 

Akaashi wasn’t sure how he felt about any of that. He figured he should be relieved. He just hated that it was even necessary. The team should all be happy and celebrating. Bokuto should be happy and celebrating. Starting tomorrow Bokuto was the new captain of a National winning team. This was Mimizuku’s last high school game. And he should be standing between them and the team, to help smooth the road as the new vice-captain. Instead it was like this. He hoped the team wouldn’t take this to heart too much and still get some good celebrating in. He hoped Bokuto’s family managed to bring back his good mood.

 

Akaashi allowed himself to close his eyes as he got up and briefly relive the victory on the court. The way the team came alive around him, the yells, the sweat, the glow radiating out of Bokuto when he picked him up. It should have been one of the happiest memories of his life, but it was fast being tainted by… whatever all this even was. His own incredible idiocy maybe.

 

They led him out of the bathroom and back to the locker room in silence. Amachi walking beside him with a hand on his shoulder like he might make a run for it, and Blakistoni leading the way.

 

When Akaashi enters the locker room the dull noise of the team’s voices comes to a complete stop. A couple heads peek around the lockers to get a look at his face. Akaashi tries to keep as expressionless as possible. Mimizuku rounds the corner and nods to Blakistoni and Amachi, a quiet Ural following in his wake. Blakistoni fist bumps Mimizuku and just for a second when their hands connect, they both break the serious masks on their faces with a smile. Blakistoni is still grinning as he gives Ural’s shoulder a light punch to get him to break into a smile.

 

Akaashi is glad for the first time that this has happened. That the third years got to reconcile their differences before they parted ways, maybe for good. That Mimizuku could leave without that burden on his shoulders.

 

Blakistoni patted Akaashi’s shoulder on his way by as he headed for the door.

 

Akaashi let out a short burst of air through his nose. In the end he ended up learning a lot from his senpai. Even if a lot of the lessons hurt. He’d be sad to see him go. He hadn’t been sure before.

 

As the door shut behind Blakistoni, Amachi squeezed his shoulder before also approaching Mimizuku. They nodded to each other in understanding before Mimizuku slugged him in the arm.

 

Despite the punch his voice was warm when he addressed Amachi. “Hey, good to see you’ve come to your senses. Take good care of eachother from now on and don’t give your next team so much trouble would you?”

 

Amachi broke out into a wide grin. He reached out and ruffled Mimizuku’s hair, then turned to leave before he could be swatted for his trouble, winking at Ural as he passed. It was hard for Akaashi to picture anyone being the captain’s senpai, but he guessed that Amachi would have been. He wondered why Amachi never got the captain's spot?  Akaashi originally guessed that because he was the team’s ace he couldn’t also be the captain, but Bokuto getting the job debunked that.

 

Amachi’s grin dropped to a small, secret looking smile as he turned his back to the rest of the team, his hand rubbing the back of his neck as he made his way to the door for the last time. The thought that maybe Amachi had recommended Mimizuku hit Akaashi like a bolt of lightning.

 

When Akaashi turned away from the door again he saw that Mimizuku was now wearing a matching soft smile. The team’s voices had grown in volume again as well. When Mimizuku saw Akaashi looking at him he winked and turned back toward his locker and the rest of the team.

 

While Akaashi finally got changed and his things all stuffed back in his duffle bag, he really noticed for the first time how much the whole team had grown to mean to him.

  
  


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Akaashi found himself at the back of the line as the team started getting on the bus that would take them back to the school. Akaashi had been treated to smiles every time he looked at a teammate, but everyone had left him to himself. Akaashi appreciated it more than anything else.

 

But because of this there was a good gap between him and the next person in line, and therefore nobody noticed when he was body slammed from his left and dragged around the corner. Akaashi tried to fight back, but the other person had gotten the upper hand, leaving Akaashi winded and with his back up against a brick wall.

 

The hands bunched up in his shirt started shaking him, his head and shoulders slammed back against the wall. After the third time Akaashi got his wind back and managed to pry the fingers loose enough to stop the shaking. He went to push the other person’s shoulders when he got a good look of who it was.

 

The flash of Bokuto’s golden eyes glaring up at him with a look that screamed murder from a face a good fifteen centimeters below his own.

 

Akaashi let out a sharp gasp of “Yokuto-kun!”  

 

Yokuto made a noise like a growl and bared his teeth at Akaashi. He gave him one more good push against the wall before he let Akaashi go. Akaashi was so surprised at his attacker’s identity that he didn’t fight back at all, just let his back slam against the wall.

 

Before Akaashi could even get a question out Yokuto was already snarling out words at Akaashi. “You LIED to me! You lied to Koutaro! What’s wrong with you!”

 

Akaashi only managed to gasp out a weak, “What-what are you talking about?”

 

Yokuto let out a loud angry scream, pulling back his fist and slamming it into the wall next to Akaashi’s head. Akaashi had managed not to flinch, but only because his back was already pressed into the wall. Yokuto hadn’t pulled the punch at all, but even though he should be in a lot of pain he showed no sign of it as he got into Akaashi’s face.

 

“I SAW you two down on that court! There’s no way in HELL you aren’t soulmates! I’ve seen enough of them! I should know!”

 

Akaashi felt a huge wave of dread wash down his back. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He didn’t know how to begin defending himself from this.

 

Yokuto had waited for Akaashi to say something, but when he saw Akaashi close his mouth again he roared back.

 

“DAMNIT!”

 

He punched the wall twice more. His fist was close enough to Akaashi’s face that he could see the blood on his knuckles now.

 

Like an idiot Akaashi chose that moment to open his mouth. “You should stop that, you’re hurting your hands.”

 

Yokuto pulled back and sneered at him. “Oh, now you find something to say huh? Fuck off. I don’t wanna hear it from the guy who played my whole family for idiots. Was anything out of your mouth the truth?”

 

Akaashi saw that even though he said that, he was now cradling his right hand with his left and both were visibly shaking. “Everything I said about my parent’s was true. Everything I said about myself besides my being born with colors was true. My relationship with your brother was all true.”

 

“But you left out being fucking soulmate’s didn’t you? What makes you think I’ll believe anything you say anymore huh?”

 

Akaashi knew he couldn’t afford to get mad back. That the situation called for a cool head. But a low simmer of anger was building up in him. He felt himself glaring back at Yokuto. “What business of yours is any of this anyway? Bokuto-san said you barely talk to him anymore.”

 

Akaashi had taken a half-step forward as he talked, but Yokuto was quick to stomp right up and shove him back against the wall. When he talked it came out as a low growl through clenched teeth. “Because people that lie to their soulmates are scum.”

 

Akaashi matched his angry look and low voice when he retorted. “What, like yours?”

 

Yokuto gave a short scream and slammed Akaashi against the wall again once. Akaashi felt a sharp pain as his teeth cut into his lip, flooding his mouth with the taste of blood. “YES! Yes damn you! Just like mine! According to him I don’t have one! According to you Koutaro doesn’t have one either does he?! But Ko deserves more! More than I do! At least I can tell on my own! Koutaro doesn’t have that option! You used him and spit on him and he’s a good person that doesn’t deserve this shit from anyone!”

 

Akaashi saw the angry tears building up in Yokuto’s eyes, but he was unable to care as a blinding rage came over him. He wasn't sure why people liked pushing him around so much, Kuroo, Blakistoni, and now this kid? He was sick of taking it.

 

He brought his hands up from his side and got them between Yokuto and himself. He gave a hard push and dislodged Yokuto from his shirt. Then he pushed him a second time so that it sent him down on the grass on his back.

 

Akaashi had to spit some of the blood out of his mouth before he spoke. “I LOVE your brother! Everything I do lately is for him! He’s all I think about! If you think for one second that I kept anything from him out of-of, some… strange desire to hurt him you’re wrong! You butting into our business isn’t going to help anything anyway! Why don’t you go deal with your own problems before you stick your nose, and fists, into your brothers!”

 

Akaashi wasn’t sure if there was something else he should be doing in this situation. If there was something else he should have said. But he didn’t care right then. He’d had enough. He marched away from Yokuto and back toward the bus home.

  


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When Akaashi got home he was unsurprised to find the house empty and dark despite the late hour. He took his shoes off and made his way into the kitchen to get some water before he headed up to his room.

 

When he turned on the light though, the first thing he was greeted with was a card in the middle of the table with CONGRATULATIONS on it over a picture of a grey cartoon-like owl.

 

Akaashi was pretty sure he stood staring at it for a good minute or two before he could make his way over too it. Irrationally the little owl made him think of Bokuto, but he knew it wouldn’t make sense for the card to be from him.

 

When he opened it he saw that it was empty of generic card printed words, but it had a chunk of handwritten words inside. He read:

 

_Keiji,_

_We’re so proud of you and your team for winning nationals! We’re sorry we couldn’t be there in person, but we managed to watch the end on t.v. before we left. You’ve really grown up so much lately. We know we’ve been gone for a lot of it and we’re sorry for that too. We know it doesn’t change much but we do love you. Have fun celebrating all you want, you’ve earned it!_

 

_Love, Mom and Dad_

 

_Ps. We saw what happened on the court right after the game and we haven’t forgotten about the talk we need to have about your soulmate._

  


He easily recognized his mother’s handwriting from dozens of notes left on the fridge. He couldn’t help running a finger over the letters. He hadn’t even been sure his parents were aware that he was playing an important game today with how well he’d been avoiding them.

 

The reminder of the talk they needed to have still sent a thrill of panic down his spine, but seeing it written out in ink that they knew, instead of only the implication, was a kind of relief. That they knew he had a soulmate, a male soulmate at that, and they still loved him enough to write this note. To watch his game. To be proud of him.

 

It all compounded. All the confusion and fear of the last few hours. The violence and secret telling.

 

Several tears spilled down Akaashi’s face while he stood in the kitchen smiling down at the card. A few landed on the words and smudged them a bit. When Akaashi saw that he pulled the card away from his face as fast as he could to protect it, and wiped his eyes.

 

When he went to bed he brought the card with him and set it on his nightstand next to an old picture of him and his parents and the new picture of him in Bokuto’s arms.

 

When he finally managed to drift off to sleep it was with the hope that Yokuto wouldn’t be an idiot and tell Bokuto about them being soulmates.

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  


The walk to school the next morning was unusually cold, Akaashi’s breath blew out in a white cloud ahead of him. He absolutely hated the cold and it only served to compound the dread he felt at what the day was going to bring.

 

The first thing he saw when the school came into sight was Bokuto standing out front pacing.

 

Akaashi stopped in his tracks at the sight. He felt like a deer in headlights. It was the exact spot Bokuto had waited for him before when he had asked for help with his coursework. It left no doubt in his mind that it was him Bokuto was waiting for.

 

He knew he needed to move forward, but he couldn’t get his feet to move. For a second he was tempted to just turn around and go home.

 

Akaashi didn’t know if it was lucky or unlucky that Bokuto took a turn in his pacing and spotted him before he had to make his choice. The look that took over Bokuto’s face for a split second when he saw him did not bode well for whatever he was about to say. It was quickly covered with a forced and shaky grin and a wave in his direction calling him over.

 

Akaashi’s feet felt like lead, but, as always, he was unable to resist Bokuto’s pull. It was like they were opposing magnets, always destined to meet. He wondered if that’s all soulmates really were. Just two opposite magnets that needed to meet to make one.

 

When he got to Bokuto they just stood there looking at each other. Akaashi didn’t know what to say, how to even begin talking to a version of Bokuto that he’d wronged so much. Bokuto kept scrunching up his face like he was about to start talking, but then seemed to back out every time.

 

After what felt like a long time Bokuto finally scrunched his eyes up and bent at the waist fast and hard. So fast that Akaashi actually had to take a good step backwards, slipping a bit on some ice, to avoid being hit with Bokuto’s head in his descent. “I’m really sorry Akaashi!”

 

Akaashi felt supremely wrong-footed. Both literally and metaphorically. “Wha-what? Why are you apologizing Bokuto-san?”

 

Bokuto jack-knifed back up to stare at Akaashi incredulously.  “What do you MEAN why am I apologizing?! I completely over-reacted to getting called soulmates last night!”

 

Akaashi blinked a couple of times. He wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t dreaming. “I- I mean, it’s perfectly reasonable to not want to be called someone’s soulmate when you’re not.”

 

Bokuto’s face took on a sad look. “I talked to my sister last night. She told me how hard it was for Blakistoni and Amachi to come to the team and talk to us like that. I ruined it with my actions. I get mistaken for Kuroo’s soulmate sometimes too, but I’ve never reacted like that. I’m going to apologize to the team too. It wasn’t okay and really brought down our win.”

 

That was a lot to process. But there was one part of that that stuck out to Akaashi. His heart pounded hard against his rib cage as he opened his mouth to address it. “Bokuto-san… Why would our getting mistaken as soulmates bother you so much more than when it happens to you and Kuroo-san?”

 

Akaashi asked the question slow, like it was getting dragged out, and Bokuto’s face got tighter and tighter. Finally he looked down and kicked his feet idly against the sidewalk. His hands, usually waving around animatedly while he talked, were stuffed into his jacket pockets. When he finally looked up at Akaashi to answer, he still kept his face angled down, his eyes were a liquid gold burning straight through Akaashi and his agitated heart. “Do you think… Akaashi, do you think we might be too close?”

 

Akaashi had been distracted with his eyes, and so it took a second for him to process just what it was that Bokuto had said in his soft voice that Akaashi had before only heard when he was crying. He could feel his eyes go wide as the bottom of his stomach fell towards the ground.

 

He couldn’t help it when his reply came out soft and croaky. He felt like he’s swallowed razors. “You… think we’re too close?”

 

Bokuto looked away towards the school. They were probably going to both be late. “Miwa said… that when other people look at us now it’s hard to see us as just good friends. That maybe we’re spending too much time together or, or relying on each other too much. And that-that I knew it and didn’t want to admit it. That that’s why I got so angry at Blakistoni. I was being… defensive or something she said.”

 

Bokuto’s voice had taken on a dull edge. Akaashi had no response. He knew it was true though. The things he and Bokuto did had always bordered on acceptable things that friends did. The cuddling, the carrying, the way they instinctively sought each other out. Hands held in the dark. A kiss stopped by a centimeter.

 

Each second with no words built on each other, making the air heavy around them. Finally Bokuto turned to look Akaashi right in the eyes. “I asked Kuroo what he thought and he agreed that some things we did most friends wouldn’t do, but Akaashi. I wanted to be close with you. But we’re not soulmates. We’re just friends. Maybe we should… give each other some space?”

 

Akaashi swallowed hard. “I… understand where you’re coming from. We do seem to… get caught up when we spend time together. Maybe if we spend some time apart it will help. People can see that we don’t need to spend all our time together.”

 

Each word tasted bitter on Akaashi’s tongue. A part of Akaashi knew that now would be a good time to tell Bokuto that they were, in fact, soulmates. But another knew that this whole situation was his own fault. Despite not telling Bokuto anything he spent all his time just trying to inch closer to him. To bind them more tightly together. His attempt to kiss Bokuto had been a spark in a powder keg of a situation. Now he had to deal with the resulting explosion. He hurt Bokuto somehow if Bokuto was putting so much stock on the opinions of others. Soulmates had always been a touchy subject with Bokuto that he never should have played with. Now it was too late.

 

Bokuto kicked the ground again. “I like spending time with you. But I don’t want to give people the wrong idea. I don’t want to run into my soulmate and have them think…”

 

Akaashi steeled himself. “Bokuto-san, the last thing I want is for our friendship to cost you an opportunity or for it to hurt you.”

 

Bokuto’s face turned sad again. His dull look melting into it. “It’s not your fault Akaashi.”

 

Akaashi kept his face as neutral as possible. “It’s someone’s fault. I suppose it doesn’t matter right now though.” Akaashi couldn’t face this conversation right now. “We’re going to be late for school.”

 

Bokuto’s eyes went wide. “I can’t be late again! I’m sorry Akaashi.”

 

Bokuto turned and ran all the way towards the front doors of the school. Akaashi meant to follow him into the building, but he ended up just watching his back. That’s the only reason he saw Bokuto stop dead just before he went in and turn around to look at him one more time. Akaashi kept his gaze on him, then turned and went into the building only after Bokuto had looked away again.


	5. Though the Stars Walk Backwards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys! The last chapter! I'm so, so, sorry for the delay and the way I left you guys hanging for so long. In return I guess you get a super long chapter! I'd like to thank every one of you that's commented and that's given kudo's! I love you guys a lot! I'd like to give one last shout out to the CSG, my old writing group, I still love you guys. As well as to one miss_macabre_grey who helped a whole lot and gave me my first piece of art I've ever gotten for a story! This is the single longest complete work I've ever done and I couldn't have finished it alone!

In a way this couldn’t have come at a better time. Splitting up with Bokuto. There was only about eight weeks of school left for the year and final exams to contend with. Volleyball was now only non-mandatory practice two or three times a week. 

 

It was the only place he saw Bokuto now. Even without discussing it Akaashi knew that it was understood between them not to get the team they now lead together involved in their issues. So he stood diligently next to Bokuto when he gave announcements. A foot away, but a canyon between them. Akaashi spent the times he went to practice setting for other players, trying to get a deeper feeling for the spikers they had left and who they might be looking for at the start of the next year. Akaashi couldn’t tell if Bokuto was avoiding his eyes, or if he really did just never look Akaashi’s way.

 

Akaashi wasn’t setting for Bokuto after practice. When asked he claimed the exams were more important than extra practice now. The look in Konaha’s eyes said he didn’t quite believe it, but he didn’t press.

 

The tutoring stopped as well. Nobody asked about that. He wasn’t even sure his parents were aware that it had stopped. Sometimes he wondered what Bokuto had told his family to explain his increased presence during the week.

 

Akaashi threw himself into his studies. He didn’t know what else to do. He needed something to distract him from the yawning emptiness inside him. The colors all seemed muted around him and the silence was so deep it was suffocating. 

 

He knew he should be feeling  _ something _ . Sadness, anger,  _ something _ . But he was just empty. He felt nothing at all. He just went about his business with the pressing sensation of a missing limb. 

 

He didn’t talk to anyone. It hurt his chest to see other people talking around him and laughing with friends. 

 

He wasn’t eating properly. He didn’t feel hungry at all anymore. He’d forget that it was even something he should be doing some days. Others he’d push his food around. It all tasted like sand in his mouth.

 

He couldn’t sleep. He’d lie awake and stare at the ceiling for hours. The darkness pushed in on him. Sometimes he could almost feel some feeling welling up in him in the darkest parts of the night. Threatening him. 

 

Sometimes he begged to feel something, anything. Other times he was filled with the understanding that if he did start feeling something that he would be overwhelmed by it. That his emotions were actually a savage beast that his subconscious had chained and locked away, and that if he unchained it, it would eat him alive, tear him apart. 

 

So he studied. And studied. It was the one thing he could think to throw himself at. A distraction by any other name. 

 

At one point he was getting flooded with texts and phone calls from both Kuroo and Kenma, but he left them all unread and unanswered. He knew he deserved whatever they said to him, but he wasn’t sure he could handle the yelling and criticism right now. 

 

About three weeks in and he could tell he’d gotten a fever. He was burning up and dehydrated. But he couldn’t slow down. He had important revision work to go over. He needed to do something to make up for the mess he’d made his life. If he got perfect scores on all his finals would it be worth it? Would it make up for anything? He wasn’t sure but it was the only hope he clung to these days. 

 

He thought he was managing everything fine.

  
  


___________________________________________________________________

  
  


Akaashi had been setting to Sarukui at one of the practices. He’d gotten the least experience tossing for him due to his being a benchwarmer until recently. Akaashi was trying to concentrate as hard as he could through the slight haze pulling him down, and it made him zone out the rest of the gym. 

 

One second he was analyzing the last toss he’d done and how Sarukui had hit it, the next he registered half the gym screaming at him and something hard slamming into the side of his head. It hit him with enough force to knock him on his back. His vision was swimming with black spots. 

 

His head cracked on the wood of the gym floor. He felt himself slipping into unconsciousness. The last thing he saw swimming above him was a big pair of beautiful golden eyes. He knew how this story went. He managed a smile up at them before he slipped away. 

  
  


__________________________________________________________________________

  
  


He was slow to wake up. 

 

When he cracked his eyes open all he registered was a glaring white and a pain in his head. He wasn’t sure he remembered…

 

His eyes flew all the way open as he jolted as far up as he could and whipped around to his left, shouting, “Bokuto-san!”

 

It wasn’t Bokuto who was jarred awake next to him though. When the man’s eyes opened Akaashi was met with the green of his father’s, not the gold he’d missed so much. 

 

Akaashi tried to calm himself down and settle back against his pillows as his father came all the way to his senses. An overwhelming sense of loss overcame him. He couldn’t help thinking that this scene was wrong. He remembered what happened now. He felt shot through the heart remembering all over again. He raised his left hand to cover it in hopes of dulling the pain. 

 

His father started talking from his left, but Akaashi couldn’t bring himself to look at him. “Keiji! I’m glad you’re awake. We were so worried about you when we got the call- Keiji? What’s wrong? Does something hurt?!”

 

Akaashi could feel that he’d started crying, but he couldn’t stop. All those feelings he’d been holding back were now pouring down his face. He was so stupid. So stupid. To think he could start over, even if for only a few seconds. He could hear the steady beeping of the heart monitor next to him now, could feel the needle of his IV in his arm, and the fabric of the hospital gown he was wearing that meant he wasn’t just in the nurse's office. 

 

Now he wasn’t just crying, he was sobbing into the sheet thrown over his knees. As the sobbing went on and on his father gave up trying to get anything coherent out of him and just laid a hand on his back. 

 

__________________________________________________________________

  
  


By the time he had managed to calm down, his mother had come back with the coffee she had gone to get. 

 

They told him that he had a minor concussion and a fever of 103. That he was severely dehydrated and the doctors were keeping him here for a couple days to monitor his symptoms and give him fluids. 

 

They were both more serious than he’d ever seen them, especially his father, who was always pretty upbeat. The doctor had informed them that besides the concussion, all his other symptoms looked like the result of severe stress and overworking. Just like last time. 

 

His mother had clutched his father’s hand when she addressed him. “It’s been four years since the last time Keiji. We thought- we thought you were past this? That we were all doing better? What happened?”

 

Before Akaashi could even begin to formulate an answer to that question his father had squeezed his mother’s hand and cut in for him. His voice had a strange tone that Akaashi couldn’t place. “Dear, it’s best if we don’t question Keiji right now. That can wait until he’s out of the hospital, at least.”

 

He was talking to his mother, but he was looking right at Akaashi as he spoke. Akaashi figured he was picturing his break-down and was flooded with shame. 

 

Akaashi’s mother huffed out a breath. “Fine. But we will be having that conversation as soon as he’s out. I’m not putting it off any longer just because it’s difficult.”

 

Akaashi managed to respond with a soft agreement. 

  
  


_________________________________________________________________________

  
  


He was trying to stomach his lunch the next day when he was interrupted by a panting Kuroo running in and shouting a loud, “For fuck’s sake!” as he screeched to a halt.

 

Akaashi stopped his fork halfway to his mouth to give Kuroo a wide-eyed look, glad that his parents weren’t still there.

 

They stayed that way, Kuroo leaning over the end of Akaashi’s bed glaring at him with Akaashi staring back, for a good minute. They were only broken out of the moment when Kenma meandered into the room and walked right up to Kuroo and swatted the back of his head. “Don’t run in a hospital, we’ll get kicked out.”

 

“Ow! Kenma! Sheesh I’m sorry.” Kuroo turned to pout at Kenma, but Kenma was already walking down the right side of Akaashi’s bed. 

 

Akaashi was surprised to see Kenma there at all, much less without a phone or game boy in hand. Kuroo as well for that matter. Akaashi was under the impression that the only thing that linked them was Bokuto. Now that Akaashi wasn’t hanging out with Bokuto, he couldn’t think of a reason they would want to see him. Surly they didn’t still want to yell at him after three weeks? Akaashi set his fork all the way down.

 

When Kenma was level with where Akaashi was sitting he stopped. His hand twitched like he was going to put it on Akaashi’s hand or arm, but he thought better of it. “Are you okay? We heard you were in the hospital.”

 

“I-” Akaashi brought his hands down to his lap subconsciously so he could fiddle with his fingers. “I’m fine. I had a mild concussion, with a fever and dehydration. My fever’s already gone down quite a bit, they say they’re only going to need to keep me one more day.”

 

“That’s good.” Some strange tension that Akaashi hadn’t initially been aware of in Kenma seemed to leave him and his whole body actually seemed to relax a bit at Akaashi’s words. 

 

Kuroo took that moment to walk up beside Kenma and put an arm around his shoulders. Kenma didn’t wrap an arm back around him, but he did seem to sink into his side. Kuroo gave Kenma a squeeze then turned his full attention onto Akaashi. “You’re an idiot.”

 

Akaashi only got as far as to open his mouth to retort when Kuroo interrupted. “No don’t argue with me, you’re an idiot. I’m royally pissed off at you. We know what happened with Bokuto, we had him ranting and upset in my room the night it happened. But to think you’d get yourself into this state? Really? I thought out of the two of you, you were the smart one.”

 

Akaashi felt a huge wave of shame wash over him. The only thing he could think to mutter was a quiet “Bokuto-san’s not stupid.” As he avoided Kuroo’s glare.

 

Kuroo sighed. “How did it even get to this? Why didn’t you talk to us? To somebody?”

 

Akaashi stared hard at his hands. He talked quietly as he answered, practically whispering in shame. “This isn’t the first time. I don’t mean to go this far, I just. Just start boxing things up and pushing them aside to concentrate on the important things and then the things that are important shrink down to one thing. I just wanted to concentrate on my studies until I could handle things with Bokuto-san.”

 

Kuroo scoffed. “So you’re one of those people that bottle things up until you implode. Kenma’s the same way if I leave him alone for too long. You need to talk to someone when that happens dude.”

 

Akaashi’s hands pressed a bit harder together in his lap. “I’ve never had anyone to talk to about these kinds of things before. Um, before Bokuto-san.”

 

Akaashi heard Kuroo huff a loud sigh before he was shoved slightly to his left by a punch to his shoulder. The jolt made him look up into Kuroo’s exasperated face. “We knew you’d need someone to talk to, that’s why we kept calling you. If you just picked up once in a while…”

 

Akaashi blinked up at the two even as Kenma gave a firm nod of agreement. “I… Well I figured you were calling to yell at me about Bokuto-san again. You guys are his friends after all….”

 

Kuroo and Kenma exchanged a look before Kenma stepped forward and put one of his hands over Akaashi’s hands, making them go still. Akaashi couldn’t help gawking a bit at the sight. He couldn’t remember Kenma ever willingly touching anybody who wasn’t Kuroo, much less Akaashi himself.  Kenma’s voice was quiet but firm when he spoke. “We’re your friends too.”

 

Kuroo rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Yeah man. Bokuto’s my best bro for life, but that doesn’t mean we’re not here for you too. I know I gave you shit about the soulmate stuff early on, but I’m not gonna kick a man while he’s down. And even if you didn’t want to talk to us your whole team clearly cares about you. If you wanted to talk to any one of them I’m sure they’d listen.”

 

Akaashi turned to look away, down at Kenma’s hand laid over his. “The team already saw more than enough of the drama after National’s. They don’t need to know how dysfunctional their supposed team leaders are.” Akaashi could feel tears beginning to well up in his eyes and desperately tried to blink them back. “It’s just. It’s all my fault really. I kept giving in, wanting a relationship but not willing to take the risk of telling him. I was really going to kiss him. Even knowing how much soulmates meant to him-”

 

Akaashi’s voice had gotten thicker and thicker as he went on and eventually he just couldn’t get words out past the lump in his throat. Kuroo put a hand on Akaashi’s shoulder while Akaashi struggled for a minute. 

 

When it was clear that Akaashi wasn’t going to go on, Kuroo spoke up. “Well, let’s forget about that stuff for a bit. What you need are  _ proper _ distractions. SO! I hereby decree that you are to come hang out with me and Kenma once a week to take your mind off your drama and homework. We’ll probably be playing a lot of video games so be ready. Kenma’s gonna kick our asses.”

 

Akaashi let out a choked agreement.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Akaashi was out of the hospital right on time the next day. His parent’s were unusually somber during the ride home, but Akaashi could hardly blame them. He couldn’t even bring himself to be happy about leaving the hospital when he knew the meeting that was waiting for them at home. 

 

When they got to the house they all exchanged awkward looks as they took seats around the living room. His parents ended up sitting next to each other on the couch with Akaashi pulling a dining room chair in to sit across the coffee table from them. Akaashi noticed mostly absentmindedly that his father fiddled with his hands when nervous too, before his mother took his hands into her lap. It was interesting to Akaashi because he'd never really thought about the similarities he shared with his father, to preoccupied with the more obvious similarities he shared with his mother. He wondered briefly how else they were alike on the inside.

 

Akaashi had wandered off in thought a bit, while his father tensed up so severely he was in danger of never opening his mouth again, so it was left to Akaashi’s mother to break the tense and awkward atmosphere with a heavy sigh laden with exhaustion. “So, Keiji? What has been going on with you?”

 

It made Akaashi snap his attention away from his parent’s entwined hands to his mother’s eyes. It also sent a stone of shame plummeting into his stomach for having put so much pressure and worry onto his parents. Akaashi cleared his throat and did his best to keep looking at his parent’s faces while he talked. “You know I… I don’t, or didn’t, have many close friends before. It was hard to talk to anyone my age because I just didn’t care about soulmates. I… never saw why they mattered at all.”

 

Akaashi paused for a few seconds to prepare for the next part. Talking about Bokuto now was bittersweet and almost painful in his mouth and he didn’t want to make things worse with his delivery. His parent’s eyes were already watery and he could read the guilt in their faces. He wanted to reassure them that his faults were his own and had nothing to do with them, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to find the words. He sucked in a deep breath. “The first day of volleyball practice Bokuto-san spiked a ball into my face.” 

 

Akaashi smiled at the memory. It was painful at the time, but it had grown to be one of Akaashi’s favorites. His mother hid a watery smile behind her hand. His father still just looked sad. 

 

“I came to with my colors, only to find that Bokuto-san didn’t have his. I figured that it was unreciprocated and tried to avoid Bokuto-san as best I could. I didn’t find out until our first training camp that he was colorblind from Kuroo-san. One of the boys that visited me at the hospital.”

 

No one was smiling now, but his mother spoke up. “Those are your friends from that other team right? The cat one?”

 

Akaashi nodded. “Yes. But they were Bokuto-san’s friend’s first. Actually I thought Kuroo-san was Bokuto-san’s real soulmate before I learned he was bonded and in love with Kenma-san, so we didn’t get off on a very good foot. He found out I was Bokuto-san’s soulmate and thought I was playing around with him by not telling him.”

 

The muscles around his mother’s mouth tightened visibly. His father’s eyes finally fell from Akaashi’s face. Akaashi tried to ignore it as he continued, wanting now to get to the end of the story already.  He didn’t want to talk about those early days anymore.

 

“I found I’d already been pulled too far into Bokuto-san’s orbit, despite my avoidance, by then, he’s very persistent when he wants something, and he really wanted me to be his friend. He… never mentioned why he’d tried so hard at first.” Akaashi drifted away in thought for a moment. That was one mystery he hadn’t even thought about for a long time. 

 

Akaashi jerked his head back toward his parent’s to get himself back on track. It’s not like it mattered right then. “I knew already that I wanted Bokuto-san as my soulmate, but I was… Afraid to tell him the truth. I made up different excuses but I knew how much soulmates meant to both Bokuto-san and his family and it scared me. I didn’t know if I could ever be enough for someone like Bokuto-san. Someone so…” 

 

Akaashi tried to find a descriptor that would accurately describe all of Bokuto and not make him sound slightly crazy in front of his parents and failed. He trailed off and then made an uncharacteristically large hand gesture in an attempt to encompass all of the things that were Bokuto. He’s pretty sure one of his parent’s snorted at him, but he couldn’t hazard a guess at which one. His father was still staring at the middle distance, but his mother was usually too composed for noises like that. 

 

His father finally came out of it at the noise to ask, “What went wrong then? Even if he didn’t know you were soulmates you two seemed close. What happened after Nationals?”

 

Akaashi’s father was usually a pretty upbeat and generally jovial person, the tone he was using now though was hard and measured, obviously bracing itself for the worse. It was a tone that hurt Akaashi’s heart to hear. 

 

Akaashi took a shaky breath in. “I reconsidered telling him a week or two before Nationals. I couldn’t keep… living a lie by being so close to him and keeping it from him. But before I could I let the victory get to me and I… Well you said you saw. But that and some former teammates assuming we were soulmates after the game really and truly freaked Bokuto-san out. He thinks that we’re too close and might ruin his chances of finding his soulmate with the impression we give off. He wants to stop being so close and even spending time together at all for a while.”

 

Akaashi finally lost the battle and had to look away from his parent’s faces. 

 

Akaashi missed his parent’s exchanging a worried look while he averted his eyes. Akaashi’s mother cleared her throat to get Akaashi’s attention before she spoke up. Akaashi was reluctant to look, but managed to slowly drag his eyes up from the carpet, a shade of grey like the rest of the house. When she saw his eyes his mother addressed him in a soft tone that Akaashi hadn’t heard since his last hospital visit. “Keiji, it’s clear just from the couple times I’ve seen you and Bokuto-kun together that he cares for you very much. So much so, it seems like it’s scared him. Just like you were scared in the beginning. He probably needs space to think through some things and figure out how he can deal with his feelings. He’ll be back. I doubt he could stay away long.”

 

Akaashi felt a lump growing in his throat and swallowed hard. He looked down at his hands in his lap where his fingers were rubbing together absentmindedly. “I. I know that he said he’d be back, and I know logically that he needs this space if I have any hope of him understanding when I tell him but… Everything just feels so awful without him. I keep doing stupid things like-like turning to look next to me when I walk home and expecting him to be there. Or-or going to plan my studying and leaving room for Bokuto-san’s tutoring automatically! I can’t sleep because everytime I close my eyes I’m seeing his face! I can’t- I can’t function like this and I don’t understand why! I was fine on my own before! I didn’t need anybody!”

 

By the end of Akaashi’s rant he was practically yelling without realizing and his eyes were squeezed shut to stop any tears from leaking out, his hands squeezing each other mercilessly, leaving fingernail grooves. When he was done he didn’t move. He didn’t want to see his parent’s reactions to his words. 

 

The room was completely silent in the wake of his yelling. They let him breath for a few moments before Akaashi felt a hand over his. Akaashi’s hands immediately stilled under the touch. Akaashi slowly opened his eyes to see that his father was crouching on the ground next to him. When he saw that Akaashi was looking at him he spoke. “I know that we haven’t talked about soulmates much, and that’s on me more than anyone in this family. It’s been… so long since little Julia died, but talking about it still hurts.”

 

Akaashi was staring at his father now, and when he talked his voice was low. “You told me you didn’t remember much of what happened since you were so young.”

 

His father’s face scrunched up in what Akaashi assumed was remembered pain. “That, and the fact that I went into shock and passed out. But I remember what happened when I woke up about two days later, and that’s the stuff I should have talked to you about.” 

 

Akaashi’s father stopped to gather himself and his hands slid off of Akaashi’s while his father stared at the floor. Akaashi put a hand on his shoulder. His father had done so for him so many times, and now, finally, Akaashi was in a place to reach back. 

 

His father huffed a sigh before turning and giving Akaashi a small smile. He fell back to sit on the rug properly, instantly bringing his hands together in his lap before he continued. “Her parents were foreigners who were only visiting for the week. I forget why, maybe work. They were very nice to me. I thought they would blame me for what happened to their daughter. They were desperate to tell me all about her. I couldn’t understand them when they talked, but my grandmother was able to translate. They told me she was exactly 6 and three quarters. That she loved flowers and fireworks, and lions and motorcycles. That she wanted to be a famous explorer when she grew up. And that even as small as she was, that she wanted a soulmate more than anything because she was fascinated by colors. Her older cousin had been bonded for a year and had been telling her all about the pretty colors.”

 

Akaashi could see that his father’s eyes were watering. It hurt Akaashi to hear about this, his father’s dead soulmate. It gave Akaashi the feeling that he was spying on something deeply personal that he had no right to. He chanced a glance at his mother to see how she was taking this. She was biting her lip and her eyes looked like liquid. When she saw Akaashi looking she held his gaze for a moment before getting up and walking across the room the kneel on her husband’s other side. 

 

His father’s voice hitched when she wrapped her arm around his shoulders so her hand could also rest over Akaashi’s. 

 

“But. But almost more than my one conversation with her parents I remembered what the doctors talked about. They were afraid I’d get SSD. Soulmate Separation Disorder. It’s what people are really talking about when they talk about bonded pairs where one dies and the other follows after, either by wasting away or outright suicide. It’s mostly seen in bonded pairs that have been bonded for a long time. But. You can have a genetic predisposition for it and my father died from it after my mother died giving birth. It’s why my grandmother raised me. They were so concerned they cautioned against learning anything about Julia. My gram wouldn’t hear of it though. Her soulmate, my gramps, had died in the war. She thought it was important I got what little I could. She wrote down all the things they told me about Julia. They were suppose to mail me a picture… but I never got it. I never heard from her parents again after they left Japan.”

 

Akaashi got a bad feeling in his gut. “What does that have to do with me? Bokuto-san isn’t dead.”

 

Akaashi’s father took a second to rub at one of his eyes. Then he sighed before he answered. “I’m… getting to that. See. That’s the part of the disorder that most people know about, because it’s the most common manifestation. But. There are different ways it can manifest in a person while their soulmate is still alive, but it’s rare. Extremely rare. Most people who did get the more common manifestation don’t even get it. It only happens in bonded pairs that are… I don’t know how to describe it.”

 

His father sighed in frustration and ran a hand through his hair in agitation. When he started talking again Akaashi thought he sounded harassed. “You know the myth about why we have soulmates right? That we didn’t used to have them. How people actually reincarnate, and when they found someone they loved in one reincarnation, someone that they felt they couldn’t live without even in the next life, they reincarnated without colors and only gained them when they found the one they were looking for, so that they would know not to let them go. That they had found what they were missing. And now it’s been so many reincarnations from when this first started that most people have it?”

 

Akaashi hadn’t know that was the common myth behind why people had soulmates, but then again, even now that he had one he had never done any research about them. It sounded like a beautiful story, even told in the perfunctory tone of voice his father was using. 

 

“Well these would be the bonded pairs that go the farthest back. Some of the first bonded pairs it’s said. That’s the best way I can describe it. They aren’t MORE destined for eachother than other pairs, just, different, I suppose.There’s something about them.”

 

Akaashi removed his hand from under his mother’s so that he could fiddle with both his hands in his lap again. “You think Bokuto-san and I qualify?”

 

“I don’t know. But I talked to the doctor at the hospital and we agreed that you were showing all the symptoms. Before you meet your soulmate it’ll feel like you’re missing something. You’ll be more affected by people leaving you and more prone to depression and major depressive episodes. Like what happened to you in middle school. Then when you meet it’s said to be an even more emotional time than other soulmates, so they often have trouble at first, getting too attached too quickly, or shunning them out of fear. I honestly can’t tell you if that part’s accurate. As far as I know everyone reacts differently to first meeting their soulmate. But the main issues occur when they seperate once they’re bonded.”

 

The longer his father talked the sicker Akaashi felt. 

 

“Separating a bonded pair when one or both have SSD is…. Awful. It sends them straight into a major depression. Minor cases cause symptoms like yours; the intense feeling that your bonded is there or should be there, strange dreams about them, lack of appetite, insomnia, a feeling that people have described as being like missing limb syndrome. Really severe cases can lead to hallucinations and shared dreaming. If it goes on for too long it can lead to death. For one or both people. Usually through suicide.”

 

Akaashi ground his teeth. “How- how is it possible for only one person out of the pair to have it? If it’s like you said and mostly manifests in bonded pairs who were some of the first, how can it just happen to one half of that pair?”

 

His father sighed heavily. “The story goes that one part of the pair can develop this more strongly than the other if they watched the other die in a past life. The more times repeated over the reincarnations the worse it gets. A pair that has one unfortunate member that dies first over and over.”

 

Akaashi was horrified. His voice was like a croak. “You mean. You mean I’ve watched Bokuto die over and over again in different past lives?”

 

Akaashi’s father looked up at him, his eyes seeming to hold a deep sadness when he met Akaashi’s. “I’m saying it’s very possible. I’m sorry son.”

 

Akaashi choked. He couldn’t even imagine. Just thinking about something happening to Bokuto… Akaashi made some noise in his throat that had both of his parent’s jerking in alarm to grab some part of him in comfort. Akaashi slid down to the floor between them.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


After that night with his parent’s something in Akaashi seemed to settle down. He could now tell himself that Bokuto was still around, he could still see Bokuto out of the corner of his eye. Could still count on him to lead their team. The assurances of both his parents and Kuroo and Kenma that he would come back held more weight now that Akaashi had really considered the alternatives. 

 

The downside was that he now had vivid dreams of Bokuto dying in his arms. 

 

He wasn’t sure if they were caused by the thoughts that his father had put in his head of watching Bokuto die, or if now that he was open to the possibility he was seeing past lives. He didn’t want to know. His new sleeping pills helped keep them at bay some nights, others he woke up shaking. Either way he was getting more sleep than he was before he passed ou,t and it was helping him quite a bit.

 

Between the extra sleep and the constant pestering of Kuroo, he felt more awake than he had since Bokuto asked for some time.

 

Every day he’d get at least two texts from either Kuroo or Kenma. Kuroo’s usually complaints about something or other, or mildly insulting meme’s he’d seen online. Kenma’s were brief, usually pictures. Some of high scores, other’s of Kuroo being particularly obnoxious. On the weekends they’d gang up on him to drag him out. Either just to Kenma’s house to watch him game or out shopping for something or other. 

 

That’s why the day after finals Akaashi didn’t think anything of it when his phone dinged after dinner.

 

“Hey Akaashi,

 

I’m really sorry about all the stuff that’s happened between us.

 

You really mean a lot to me! Can we please meet up to talk?

 

We can meet at the XXX cafe on Sunday at 1, if you want?

 

I’ll wait there regardless so you don’t have to respond.

 

-Bokuto”

 

The phone slipped out of Akaashi’s numb fingers onto the paper’s on his desk. Akaashi could only stare at Bokuto’s signature. He knew from fragments that Kuroo had let slip that Bokuto had been talking about him to Kuroo. But to see an actual attempt to reach out… It seemed like so long since Bokuto had wanted anything to do with him. It had been almost two months since Bokuto had said he needed space.

 

Akaashi couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and picking his phone up again, running his thumb lightly over Bokuto’s name, as if that would make the moment more real. But when Akaashi moved to type a response, his hand was shaking too badly.

 

He shoved his left hand up under his reading glasses to rub at his eyes in frustration. Then he turned his phone off with a violent button press, putting it face-down on his desk. He didn’t owe Bokuto a response after all this time. Not really. But Akaashi knew it would kill him not to show up. Both things made him angry. He couldn’t reach back or give up. 

 

That night, despite his sleeping pills, he dreamed Bokuto took a bullet for him. The glint off the gun barrel was so real. The blood staining his hands so warm as he held Bokuto in his arms in that dark alley, that it took Akaashi even longer than usual after waking to remember that it was a dream.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


When Sunday came Akaashi found himself at a table at a cafe with a tea in front of him and wasn’t entirely sure why. 

 

He knew he missed Bokuto. Knew that he loved him. But Bokuto had gotten scared and abandoned him. Had ignored him. 

 

That Bokuto could just shoot him a little message and pull him right back in left Akaashi with a bad feeling in his gut. A feeling a lot like shame. 

 

He was no one’s puppet, but the thought of Bokuto throwing a smile in his direction, his eyes shining, made Akaashi want to promise him the world. He knew Bokuto could convince him of just about anything. It wasn’t a great feeling. 

 

Akaashi rubbed the pad of his thumb across the cardboard holder on his cup. 

 

Akaashi had been aware of this weakness of his for a long time now. Before now though he’d felt okay with it. Bokuto had never seemed the type to take advantage of it even if he noticed. He always thought that Kuroo would be the one to use it against him. Maybe that was why this meeting felt off. 

 

Akaashi sighed and took a sip of his tea. He’d chosen an outdoor table to wait at since he’d come early. Spring was in full effect now, but the wind still blew cool and the heat from his tea helped warm him up. He closed his eyes while he sipped.

 

The chair across from him scraped the cement when it was pulled out. 

 

Akaashi kept his eyes shut when he set his cup down, and even a second after just to gather himself. 

 

When he opened his eyes and looked across the tiny table though, the person across from him wasn’t Bokuto.

 

Even as a wave of disappointment washed over him that it wasn’t Bokuto coming back to him, a huge amount of tension left Akaashi’s shoulders. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say to Bokuto, dealing with this seemed much easier in comparison. His voice was level when he greeted her. “Miwa-san.”

 

Her icy expression melted a bit at her name. She raised her eyebrows in surprise, a smile quirking up the side of her mouth. “I didn’t realize you would recognize me, since we’ve never been formally introduced.”

 

Akaashi pursed his lips, his ears heating up. He didn’t want to admit that he’s seen her after nationals, him having witnessed the private moment between Bokuto and her feeling more like spying than he was comfortable with. He managed a tight sounding “Bokuto-san showed me pictures.”

 

Miwa made a quiet hmm noise and took a sip of her drink. Akaashi could smell the coffee from his side of the table. When she set her cup back down Miwa leaned forward on the table over her bent elbows and looked Akaashi straight in the eye. 

 

Akaashi felt like he was getting his very soul examined, but refused to look away.

 

Eventually Miwa spoke up. “I’m glad you showed up. Koutaro cares about you a lot.”

 

A low simmer of anger finally made itself felt in Akaashi. “And you’re not him.”

 

Miwa sat back in her chair slightly instead of leaning forward on the table. She glanced down at her cup briefly before looking back up at Akaashi to talk. “No, I’m not.”

 

Akaashi moved the hand that was wrapped around his cup to the edge of the metal table instead, squeezing the edge until it hurt. “Why would you pretend to be him? Why arrange to meet like this? Does he even know you’re here?”

 

Miwa closed her eyes and huffed out a puff of air. When her eyes opened they were quick to meet Akaashi’s again. He was glad that she’d inherited her father’s deep brown eyes and not the gold that Akaashi couldn’t help but ascrib only to Bokuto, despite his mother and two siblings having them as well.

 

“Bokuto was really freaked out after Nationals. Losing his head completely. I’ve never seen him act that way about another person. I wanted to meet you and see if you were even worthy of his feelings.”

 

Akaashi’s mouth twisted down into a severe frown. “He… doesn’t want to see me anymore, so I’m not sure why you bothered.”

 

Instead of bringing Miwa down Akaashi’s comment only brought a smirk to her face. “You showed up though.”

 

Miwa paused to take a sip of her coffee. Akaashi grit his teeth and stared at the red smudge of lipstick around her coffee lid instead of into her eyes. He had no defence for that.

 

Miwa smiled. “He still talks about you to me all the time. And you rushed over here with only a text. That’s not the behavior of people that are done with each other.”

 

Akaashi furrowed his eyebrows. He remembered, more vividly than the table in front of him sometimes, the night he’d spent at Bokuto’s house. Despite himself he couldn’t help being happy at the news Miwa had leaked. “You and Bokuto-san are talking again then?”

 

Miwa’s hand dropped from her coffee onto the table, when Akaashi looked up into her eyes, they were wide as they stared back at him. Akaashi wasn’t sure what she was so shocked at. As he watched a huge grin spread over her face, making Akaashi really see the similarity between her and Bokuto. 

 

“You really love him don’t you? You’re not  _ just _ soulmates like Yokuto said.”

 

Akaashi nearly spit out the sip of tea he’d taken, instead swallowing it in a way that made his eyes water. He managed to let out a croaky “excuse me?”

 

Miwa’s smile didn’t dim for a second. “Yes, me and Kotarou had a long talk after he calmed down and worked everything out. But no one who didn’t love my brother more than anything would ask about that, or care about that even, really, while I’m in the middle of interrogating them.”

 

Akaashi could feel his ears burning. “Yokuto-kun told you what happened? What I said? Did he- did he tell Bokuto-san?”

 

Miwa’s big grin faded down into a smaller, genuine smile. “He was thinking about it. Thankfully he told me first. I’m fortunate that all my younger siblings look up to me so much. I managed to convince him not to tell Koutaro. He’s been avoiding everyone like usual, although he has been more pensive lately.”

 

Akaashi looked out at the sidewalk now, watching some people walk by, but not paying them any attention. “When we talked it was obvious he cared for Bokuto-san a lot. I got a bit…. More heated with him than I would otherwise. Bokuto-san thinks that Yokuto-kun doesn’t like him at all anymore. If he cares so much he’s willing to attack me for Bokuto-san’s sake, he should care enough to talk to him.”

 

Miwa heaved a heavy sigh. “Yokuto’s got some problems he needs to work out himself. You can’t fix everything in a day.”

 

Akaashi tightened his grip on his cup. “Do you really think I’m worthy of Bokuto-san?”

 

Miwa hummed and took another sip of coffee. “I’m not sure it’s really about worthy. You really truly seem to love him though, and that’s enough in my book.”

 

“Was is really you who convinced him that we needed a break?”

 

Akaashi felt Miwa kick the table a little. “I did. I didn’t mean any harm by it though. I just thought it was important that he give himself some time to get his head on straight. He’s very intuitive, but he misses the obvious sometimes. I didn’t want him to rush anywhere without thinking it over. Sometimes being rash can lead to… mistakes.”

 

Akaashi hummed and took another drink of his tea, draining his cup. 

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  
  


Akaashi was acutely aware that it was the last day of the school year. Acutely. 

 

He’d done well on his exams and placed high in the class. 

 

He’d be going to his last volleyball practice of the year. 

 

The weight of the day hung over him like a thick blanket. Nothing had particularly changed from the last several weeks, but Akaashi found himself spacing out during the classroom farewells. Nothing seemed to penetrate the fog. 

 

This lasted even through practice. He felt like a jerk, not able to focus when saying goodbye to Mimizuku and Ural, both senpai’s that had taught him a lot. But something nagged at the back of his head the whole time, that he just couldn’t place. Couldn’t name just why this day felt so loaded to him. 

 

Everyone had long cleared out of the locker room after practice, some with tears still in their eyes, while Akaashi stood there in his practice clothes and stared blankly into his locker. 

He had a small mirror on the inside of the door and was using it to look at the lockers and the door behind him.

 

When the door he’d been staring at vacantly had opened it caught him off-guard.

 

When Bokuto’s eye’s somehow found his in the mirror he thought he might be hallucinating. 

 

Bokuto didn’t look surprised to see Akaashi. Akaashi did think he looked a bit down-trodden though. He’d cried the hardest at Mimizuku’s last speech, even though he’d tried to hide it, his eyes were still a bit bloodshot and his horns looked a bit droopy.

 

He still looked beautiful to Akaashi. Akaashi sucked in a breath as quietly as he could and quickly slammed his locker door shut so he couldn’t see Bokuto’s face.

 

He turned to pick his sport’s bag up off the bench behind him, careful not to turn enough to see Bokuto, resolving to just change at home. He’d only just grabbed the strap of his bag though, when Bokuto’s voice cut him off mid-motion.

 

Even though Bokuto was talking at a normal volume for once, his voice echoed around the empty locker room. It sounded a bit hoarse, like he had a lump in his throat still from his earlier crying. “Akaashi. I’m sorry.”

 

Akaashi stood up completely straight and dropped his hands to his sides. His heart felt like it dropped all the way to his feet at those words, but he had to keep it together. Bokuto couldn’t know. Couldn’t know how much just those words alone got to him.

 

Akaashi didn’t turn to face him all the way, unable to look at him directly still, but Bokuto took his motions to mean the he was listening and moved a few steps closer until he was only a couple feet away. 

 

Bokuto’s voice softened even more. “I did a lot of thinking. I know Kuroo would say that’s not something I can do, but I really did a lot of it.” The self-deprecation in his joke made Akaashi clench his hands, but he still didn’t turn. 

 

“Akaashi!” 

 

The yell sounded more like the usual Bokuto, and shocked Akaashi into turning to face him at last, but he never completed his turn because Bokuto had thrown himself forward as he yelled and ended up meeting Akaashi halfway through the turn. He was so close his toes were almost touching Akaashi’s and his hands were planted firmly on Akaashi’s shoulders, forcing him to look up into Bokuto’s face. His eyes were burning.

 

“I don’t care what anyone thinks! How could I care when not caring means being with you? I’m better when I’m with you. I’ve missed you like crazy since I said that stupid stuff!” Bokuto shook him slightly with his words for emphasis, but it wasn’t that that had Akaashi’s eyes watering.

 

“I care about you! You’re my best friend! You’ve helped me so much! Not spending time with you hurts so bad ‘Kaashi! I can’t keep going like this!”

 

Akaashi could see that Bokuto was starting to cry again and wanted nothing more than to reach up and wipe his tears away, but he held back, letting Bokuto cry in silence for a minute before breaking it. 

 

Akaashi’s voice was just as thick as Bokuto’s when he finally managed to open his mouth that had previously been stuck shut. “It’s been over two months Bokuto-san, why are you only saying this now?”

 

More thoughts and accusations floated through Akaashi’s head:  _ Why did you leave me all alone so long? Did it really take you months to decide you wanted to spend time with me again? Was it so difficult?  _ But Akaashi couldn’t voice them even if he wanted to. The feeling of desperation clung to them like poison.

 

Bokuto swallowed heavily and when he answered his voice was only a hoarse whisper. The intimacy of hearing it so close to his face washed over Akaashi while he talked. “It’s the last day of the year. The last day Akaashi. I’ve wanted to tell you for weeks, but something kept holding me back. When I realised what day it was…. I can’t- I can’t go a whole week without seeing you at all. At least before I could see you in practice. And after the week is over it’s a whole new year. I can’t start the school year like this. Not being able to talk to my friend, my vice-captain. And it’s… It’s my last year ‘Kaashi.”

 

Akaashi inhaled a sharp breath and closed his eyes. The reminder was worse than getting stabbed. 

 

Akaashi felt a pressure on his forehead and when he opened his eyes he found that Bokuto had pressed his own forehead to his. His inhaled breath caught and stuck. Bokuto ran his hands down Akaashi’s shoulders and arms until they reached his still clenched fists. He pried them gently open and then held on. 

 

All Akaashi could see was the gold of Bokuto’s eyes. Staring into them, it was almost as if he’d never stop. As if there was only this. Like the gold would suck him up and drown him in their depths. 

 

“Toss for me, Akaashi.”

 

“Okay.”

 

As if there was ever any other answer.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Akaashi tossed for Bokuto for hours, until the night janitor came and kicked them out. They walked home together like they used to before their fight. Bokuto didn’t chatter quite as much as before, but he hummed a bit while they walked, and Akaashi had to fight to keep down his smile every time he caught Bokuto glancing over at him as if to make sure he was still there.

 

They lingered at Akaashi’s doorstep just the same, making plans to hang out with Kuroo and Kenma that weekend together. When Bokuto left he wrapped Akaashi up in a huge hug instead of a lingering shoulder touch. 

 

If Akaashi clung on to him a little tighter than was normal, with his fists bunching up the back of Bokuto’s shirt, and his nose pressed to his collar, subconsciously trying to memorize the way he smelled in case this was actually all a dream, then Bokuto certainly wasn’t going to tell.

 

Akaashi let Bokuto’s remembered warmth lul him off to sleep that night with a smile on his face.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Things weren’t perfect. They didn’t go back to how things were right away. Now that Akaashi was aware of just where the line was, he was hesitant to even approach it anymore. He was careful to make sure there was a certain distance between them. That first time hanging out with Kuroo and Kenma was like a mild form of hell for Akaashi with all his overthinking. He made sure to sit out of arm's reach from Bokuto at all times, and to not say anything that might be construed as romantic. 

 

Being in private was less headache inducing, but Akaashi was always aware of where his body was at all times around Bokuto now. He could calculate the distance between any of his body parts and Bokuto in his sleep at this point.

 

Bokuto wasn’t as talkative. He didn’t ask Akaashi for so much these days. Silence between them wasn’t as warm as it used to be. Akaashi got the feeling that Bokuto was still beating himself up and was holding his own tongue as an apology. 

 

Akaashi wished he wouldn’t.

 

But they did end up spending almost every day of the week together in some capacity, no longer spending the night at each other’s houses, but meeting up during the day. 

 

Things came to a bit of a head the last day before school started again. They were sitting at Akaashi’s kitchen table finishing up the last of their homework from break when Bokuto let out a loud sigh and leaned his head down on Akaashi’s shoulder.

 

It was the first overt display of touching between them since the hug that first night and it caused Akaashi to tense up like he’d been electrocuted. It wasn’t even an unfamiliar getsure. Akaashi remembered the feeling from countless bus trips. But that just made it worse.

 

Bokuto had been halfway through complaining about his schoolwork when he’d obviously felt Akaashi tense up. His sentence faded out, but he didn’t move from his position. Akaashi looked straight across the room at the white wall. 

 

It was silent for a few seconds. Bokuto broke it eventually. Akaashi was glad because he was sure he’d be suffocated in it other wise. “Hey, Akaashi? When did you get reading glasses anyway?”

 

Akaashi had to suppress the awkward laugh that wanted to bubble up out of him. “Shortly after Nationals.”

 

Bokuto hummed gently. Akaashi could feel the vibration in his shoulder. “They look good on you.”

 

Akaashi could feel his ears starting to burn and hoped that Bokuto couldn’t see or feel it. He was surprised that the slight conversation had made him loosen up, almost against his will. He looked down at the coffee table and sighed. 

 

Bokuto poked him in the arm he was cutting off circulation to. “Akaashi~ I don’t want you to be afraid of me anymore okay?”

 

Akaashi whipped his head up and snapped around to meet Bokuto’s eyes. “I’m not scared of you.”

 

Bokuto picked his head up so that he could look Akaashi in the eye better, but lifted his arm to put a heavy hand on Akaashi’s shoulder. “You stay so far away now though! And you tense when I come near you! I wanna be able to hug you or-or wrap an arm around you again without you jumping away like I’m going to hurt you! I promise I’m not gonna get mad again Akaashi! I promise! You can do whatever you want!”

 

Bokuto’s face got redder and redder the more he talked. It was probably the cutest thing Akaashi had ever seen. He could feel his own eyes getting wider in disbelief. When Bokuto had finished though Akaashi felt only a low simmering anger. The red of his ears had now spread down his neck, but Akaashi wasn’t sure if it was from embarrassment or anger now. 

 

Akaashi narrowed his eyes at Bokuto. “Anything I want huh? And you won’t get mad?”

 

Bokuto gulped and hastily removed his hand from Akaashi’s shoulder, probably sensing Akaashi’s sudden anger. “Uh, yep. Yes.” He nodded several times super fast. 

 

Akaashi smirked. He wasn’t sure where this was coming from in him, but he was a victim of his own impulses. He couldn’t stop himself from acting.

 

He twisted around on the couch they were sitting on and threw his leg over Bokuto’s lap, his hands bracing on Bokuto’s shoulders. The motions was sudden, and Bokuto didn’t have time to react beyond his reflex to put his hands on Akaashi’s lower back to stabilize him. 

 

Once Akaashi was settled, he slid as close to Bokuto as he could, his arms now only draped gently over Bokuto’s shoulders. Bokuto inhaled sharply. Akaashi stared at Bokuto’s mouth as he got close to his face, his nose brushing Bokuto’s. He was just as close now as he had been during Nationals. 

 

“Even if I wanted to get this close?”

 

The words were a harsh whisper practically against Bokuto’s lips. 

 

Bokuto swallowed hard. Then he lifted his left hand from Akaashi’s back and placed it against his cheek, gently pulling his face back and inch or two and up to look in his eyes instead of his lips. Akaashi closed his eyes in acceptance for a second. He knew it, really.

 

When he opened them he was surprised to see just how dilated Bokuto’s eyes had gotten. The black of his pupil had almost devoured the gold, leaving what looked like an eclipse reflected in Bokuto’s eyes. 

 

When Bokuto spoke his words were just as much of a whisper as AKaashi’s had been. “I’m not gonna push you away anymore Akaashi. I promise. I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

The anger that had been simmering this whole time faded abruptly. Tears welled up in Akaashi’s eyes and he pulled away from Bokuto’s hand to rest his forehead on Bokuto’s collar bone so he couldn’t see. Bokuto instantly started running his hand through Akaashi’s hair. 

 

Akaashi could  hear how thick his voice sounded when he talked and it made him cringe on the inside, but he knew that Bokuto wouldn’t judge him. “I’m sorry, Bokuto-san. I just. I missed you so much when you weren’t around. Touching you feels like the only way to know you’re really back, but I’m terrified that you’ll leave again as soon as I reach out. I don’t- I don’t blame you for leaving though. I know it was something you needed. I just. You’ve been so quiet lately I’m never sure anymore.”

 

“Oh Akaashi.” Bokuto tightened his grip around Akaashi, pulling him somehow closer. Akaashi had to move his head slightly to avoid smudging his glasses. “I didn’t mean to be so quiet, I just didn’t want to start annoying you right after I got you back! I really, really promise I’m not going to leave you alone again. I’m so, so sorry Akaashi! Really! Just tell me how I can make it up to you and I will!”

 

Akaashi gave a wet chuckle before going silent for a minute. When he spoke it was just a whisper again. “You never annoyed me Bokuto-san. I missed your talking along with everything else. Please don’t hold back for my sake. I’m not going to leave you either.”

 

They sat holding each other for a long time before Akaashi’s voice broke the silence again. It was much less wet than before. “Please, Bokuto-san. Can you just… spend the night? Please. I promise I’ll be back to normal in the morning.”

 

Bokuto pressed his face against Akaashi’s hair and mumbled a yes into it. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


The next day Akaashi felt more optimistic than he had in a long time. Waking up wrapped in Bokuto’s arms after a night where he chased Akaashi’s bad dreams away had a more profound impact than even Akaashi had expected. 

 

Bokuto had to leave early in the morning to go home and get his school uniform and books, but they were together again at lunch and after school to look over the new club applications. 

 

It wasn’t a formal practice that day, but Akaashi and Bokuto decided to get in some spiking practice after they had read over all the new applications. 

 

They were sitting on the bench with Akaashi going over all the older applicants that were waiting to be pulled from the B team, while Bokuto was reading over the new ones. They’d only been going over them for about half an hour when Bokuto slammed his hand down on the ones that Akaashi was reading. “Akaashi! We have to get a first year onto the team!”

 

Akaashi huffed out a small sigh and repressed a smile at Bokuto’s antics while putting the stack he was reading down on the bench. “And why is that exactly Bokuto-san?”

 

Bokuto plopped back down in front of his own papers now that he had Akaashi’s attention and waved his arms around to emphasize his point. It was stupidly endearing. “Because Akaashi! Everyone on the team besides you is a third year now! We need some younger people or the team’s going to die!”

 

Akaashi’s eyes widened slightly in realization. Bokuto was absolutely right. Everyone else will be leaving after this year, even Bokuto. Whoever they recruited this year would be the only one left with Akaashi at the end of it. That meant that at the end of the year…

 

Bokuto was still waving around, not having noticed Akaashi having a moment. “We also need to make sure they’re going to respect you properly when you’re captain next year Akaashi! If we introduce an older student now they may not respect you!”

 

Akaashi gulped down any fear or anxiety he felt for the future and concentrated on the now. “You’re right Bokuto-san. Not about people respecting me, that should be earned either way, but we do need some fresh blood on the team. We’re looking for a good middle blocker that can replace Mimizuku-san. We don’t get quite as many of those as we do wing spikers, but significantly more than we get setters. So we should keep an eye on them.”

 

Bokuto nodded in determination. “Yes! Also a possible substitute! We don’t need to seperate a substitute wing spiker to practice with us, cause that’s what the B team is for in case one of us can’t make a game. But if we find a setter at all we need to have you train him Akaashi! B team’s got a couple middle blockers and a so-so libero that we could use, but we’ve never really had to before.”

 

Akaashi nodded in agreement and set his papers down behind him to take the bottom half of Bokuto’s stack of first year applicants.

 

In the end they found two or possibly three people to keep an eye on during the next day’s practice and still managed an hour of spiking practice. There were no setter applicants.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


The next day during tryouts Bokuto was in top form. He was managing to act fairly serious and he had a warm determined twinkle in his eye as the old team gathered to either side of him, Akaashi right there at his right hand. 

 

A veritable hoard of first years of all sizes flooded in the doors. Bokuto was quick to separate them into small groups and pair each group with an older player. Akaashi wasn’t here for this part last year, having been in the nurse's office, so he wasn’t sure it was done this exact way last year, but he felt a burning pride for Bokuto at how well executed it actually was.

 

Him and Bokuto weren’t paired with a particular group, they wandered around the court so they could get a look at everyone’s skill level personally. Sometimes they would change groups around, either the new players or moving an old teammate so they can get a look at a certain new player. 

 

In the end one of the middle blocker’s they’d been looking at actually got sent away halfway through practice for making inappropriate remarks about Shirofuku to the point of getting slapped. 

 

They were still left with two at the end of practice. Akaashi was leaning toward a tall guy named Onaga who was a good four centimeters taller than even Washio. He seemed like a quiet, but anxious and well-meaning guy. But he’d have to see what Bokuto thought. No one else seemed like they needed to be pulled for a specific substitution.

 

At the end of practice Bokuto gave a speech in front of all the first-years. During the whole thing all Akaashi could do was look at him with a smile and a warmth overflowing his heart. 

 

“This team is more than just a team! We look out for each other through all types of pitfalls! We’re a family! If you end up getting called on to be on this team we expect you to work with us! We might be sorta weird! But as long as we work together it doesn’t matter! I won’t except- we won’t except any sort of bullying or selfishness! We are a Nationals winning team and we’re gonna act like one!”

 

Everyone clapped, several of the old team with incredulous looks. Akaashi’s smile spread across his face against his will. Bokuto needed more work than anyone on the team. He’d need to be the one everyone worked with. But Bokuto’s good intentions radiated out of him. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


They did end up choosing Onaga. When Akaashi questioned Bokuto as to why he was his first choice, he mentioned that he’d seen Onaga bowing after Akaashi had given him some advice during practice so obviously he could respect Akaashi. Also “He’s super, super tall ‘Kaashi!”

 

Shirofumi had also managed to find a first year to train as a new manager. Her name was Suzumeda and she was extremely kind and did her best to be well-prepared. She was perhaps less rough and ready than Shirofumi, but she was a generally positive and upbeat person. She also had Shirofumi to look out for her for the next year, so Akaashi wasn’t too worried.

 

Kuroo’s messages had gone from suggestive memes in the face of him and Bokuto making up, to complaints about various first-years. First it was about some giant first year that had joined his team with no experience and was driving Kenma and even his normally level-headed libro Yaku-san up the wall. Him turning out to be Yaku-san’s soulmate didn’t help his case apparently. Those were usually accompanied by pictures. Even Kenma had sent him texts complaining about this Lev guy. Kuroo was very proud of his team.

 

Then there were weird mentions of some orange haired shorty that Kenma had run into that was making him worry about Kenma leaving him. Kuroo only made comments about that as a joke, but the more he made the joke the more Akaashi could see he was actually worried. Akaashi made sure to comfort him in the most scathing ways possible. It seemed to help a bit.

 

But Akaashi tried not to pay Kuroo too much mind, more concerned with getting his own team together in the face of his new vice-captaincy. He expanded on his strategies to work around Bokuto and help him with his moods and was doing his best to coordinate his plans with the rest of the team. Onaga and everyone else seemed surprisingly happy to follow his lead about everything. 

 

Bokuto was really coming into his own as well. His straights were now unmatched and he was much more communicative with the team than he had been last year.

 

Unlike Mimizuku who had worn the number one jersey as captain, Bokuto had opted to add the captain’s underline to his number four ace jersey. Akaashi was accorded the number two jersey as the vice-captain, but he didn’t want a number so far from Bokuto’s, and instead kept his number five. Number one was therefore retired, at least for the season, and numbers two and three were offered to the other third years. Washio hopped on number two unexpectedly and once Komi and Konoha declined number three to keep their original numbers Sarukui took it up. Onaga ended up with number 12.

 

The number switching annoyed the coach a bit, but they were a good team so he looked the other way about it. Akaashi may have brought him a bottle of liquor from Russia, courtesy of his parents, as an apology gift.

 

The first time Akaashi was alone with Bokuto and he was wearing that jersey Akaashi couldn’t help running his fingers along the captain’s line. Bokuto had blushed and put his hands on his hips, puffing his chest out. Akaashi had stifled a smile and flicked him in the nose. 

 

Bokuto had acted affronted, but Akaashi could see he was sporting a smile the rest of the day.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


They didn’t end up winning the Interhigh Nationals that year, but they did make it all the way to the semi-finals. They were lucky not to have had to play against Nekoma, who’d gotten taken down in the quarterfinals. The two of them were always a bad match. Bokuto got so worked up when playing them it was always a toss-up if he’d blow himself out or not.

 

Kuroo did call them two days after and pretty much demanded they come get ice cream with him and Kenma though. It was enough to get Bokuto out of his funk that he’d been in since the loss despite Akaashi’s best efforts, although Akaashi was a bit suspicious about how insistent Kuroo sounded.

 

But they did meet up with him. It was all fun and games for the first little while, but after they sat down at an outdoor table to eat their ice cream, Kuroo got more serious. It took awhile for Akaashi to notice the change in atmosphere, because Bokuto had gotten a cone instead of a bowl like everyone else and Akaashi was watching him lick it, while hiding he was watching by passing him napkins every other minute. 

 

Kuroo had to clear his throat to get their attention properly focused on his words. He was trying to meet their eyes in a serious way, but his whole body was hunched over his ice cream bowl in a guilty or dejected kind of way. Even Kenma was peeking up at them from his phone every few seconds, trying to read them. “There uh, there’s something I didn’t tell you about that rival team we have now.”

 

Akaashi narrowed his eyes at him. “The one with the short, orange haired guy? You’ve told us plenty.”

 

Kuroo scratched the back of his head. “Well, I told you a lot, yeah. But I left something important out. It was more of an in-person sorta thing and, well, we haven’t seen much of each other since the year started.”

 

Akaashi started tapping his spoon against the side of his bowl. Even Bokuto was now mostly ignoring his ice cream to stare wide-eyed at Kuroo. “What could be so important about a team?”

 

Kuroo sighed and ran his hand through his hair one last time before dropping it on the table with a dull smack. “The thing is. It’s a soulmate thing. I know the both of you are a bit twitchy when the subject comes up, but I thought you’d wanna hear it from me- er us.”

 

Akaashi abruptly stopped tapping his spoon. Bokuto threw an anxious glance in his direction before turning to question Kuroo. “What is it? Do they have a prominent bonded pair or two?”

 

When Kuroo hesitated with answering Kenma set his phone down next to his ice cream on the table with a curt thump. His voice was quiet, but hard and to the point, like ripping off a bandaid. “The whole team is made of bonded pairs.”

 

Akaashi dropped his spoon entirely. He felt himself blanch at even the idea. When he looked over at Bokuto he wasn’t any better off. His whole face was white and his eyes were practically coming out of his head. When he spoke it was much quieter than usual. “Is that even allowed? That must be considered cheating?”

 

Kuroo shook his head. “It’s never happened before, so there aren’t any rules to prohibit it. The maximum number of bonded pairs on a single team has never been higher than two, as far as I can tell. They play off each other so well it’s kind of scary. Especially two of the first years. They apparently just met before we had our practice game, but the quick they can do is just monstrous. But they aren’t unbeatable. In fact they didn’t beat us once, can you imagine?”

 

Akaashi had a bad feeling about this conversation all of a sudden. “Is the shorty part of the bonded pair that does the quick?”

 

Kuroo quirked an eyebrow. “Yeah, Hinata Shoyo. Don’t think he quite likes his soulmate yet but yeah, he’s the spiker. He plays middle blocker.”

 

Akaashi glared at Kuroo. “What did you do that you need to tell us this now?”

 

Kuroo grimaced, but put his hand over his heart. “Honest, I didn’t do anything! Cross my heart!”

 

Bokuto pointed his sticky finger at him across the table and blurted, “But you’ve been talking about that kid forever now! There’s no way you didn’t do something!”

 

Kuroo flopped back dramatically in his chair like Bokuto had shot him with his finger. “You wound me bro! Why so suspicious?!”

 

Kenma huffed a sigh. “It wasn’t him this time. The coaches got together yesterday and decided that Karasuno should come to the Fukurodani training camp from now on. Even the coaches are soulmates, they were pretty persuasive I heard. They’re making the announcement next practice.”

 

Bokuto had a bit of a whine in his voice when he responded. Akaashi wanted to find it annoying, but he only found it cute. He grabbed some more napkins from the dispenser and tried to clean up Bokuto’s hands some more while he complained. “But we’re captain and vice-captain too, how come you know, but nobody told us?!”

 

“Ah the negotiations were at Nekoma cause of the old man, so we were right there when it was over. Your coach was going to tell you separately from the team today, but I asked, well, begged more like, to be the one to tell you guys.”

 

Akaashi hummed and thanked Kuroo mentally for breaking the news. Hearing it from the coach might not have been the best, and this way it felt less like Kuroo was keeping a secret from them. While Bokuto and Kuroo turned the conversation into a mock fight, Akaashi tried to put it out of his mind for the moment. He still had a week or so until training camp. He’d have to just see the team for himself.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


When the first of the camp’s arrived Akaashi had managed to work himself into a state. Bokuto had even noticed it and was doing his best to try and keep Akaashi’s spirit’s up despite his own nervousness.

 

Bokuto even held his hand surreptitiously between their seats on the bus ride over. 

 

Casual banter with Kuroo before the games started did nothing to stop Akaashi from glancing over his shoulder at the new team the whole time. They were loud and active and they all stood close to one another as they got ready to start, whispering amongst themselves. Akaashi wondered if they were intimidated or nervous. 

 

Once the games started Akaashi was pleased that Karasuno wasn’t playing them right off the bat. It gave him a chance to get himself together. Despite their team’s weird quirk they were just a normal team. And even though Bokuto didn’t know it, still after all this time, Akaashi had his soulmate by his side as well. An advantage not everyone playing them had.

 

When the rotations finally paired them up, Akaashi had calmed down and was leading the team with Bokuto right in top form. 

 

Once the game started Akaashi could sense that something was wrong on Karasuno’s side. Their forms were strange, as if something was missing. They were surprisingly unmotivated and not that hard to beat.

 

He could have hit himself for his obliviousness when he got his answer. He’d asked Kenma about it during break. Hearing that they were missing the two players that had thrown Nekoma so much made perfect sense.

 

The whole team changed right before Akaashi’s eyes when the two first years burst in. The enthusiasm went through the roof, even while doing the punishment drills. Akaashi couldn’t help just staring at them, only brought out of it by Bokuto wrapping a playful arm around him in an attempt to bring him into the conversation he was having with Kuroo.

 

When it circled back around and Akaashi got to play them again the difference was immediately noticeable. This Hinata kid was hard to take your eyes off once he got going. What was also obvious was that they were in a state of transition. They were unpredictable, but not particularly skilled in anything they were trying. 

 

Akaashi wasn’t sure if maybe Bokuto had noticed him watching the Karasuno team particularly hard and if that was why he was trying to lure some players away, but considering his failure in doing so it hardly mattered. Akaashi supposed he should appreciate the effort. 

 

Akaashi was definitely appreciative of the fact that  everyone had set up their sleeping stuff far across the room from where Akaashi and Bokuto had slept last year, and that as soon as they walked in they were shoved into the newly re-christened Captain’s Cuddle Corner.

 

Even Onaga was smiling along with the ribbing and not commenting on how weird it was. He’d been tacked on the end of the main row as the only first year. 

 

Unlike the first night last year Bokuto was quick to go along with things. 

 

Akaashi was happy that he wasn’t alone anymore.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Between one training camp and the next thoughts of soulmates crowded through Akaashi’s mind every spare second. 

 

Whether it was thinking of that team or hearing about Kuroo and Kenma or  _ especially  _ when he was alone with Bokuto. 

 

There was no good reason now why he didn’t tell Bokuto. None. He knew it. Kuroo knew it, sending him reminders almost weekly about how he only had until the end of the year or Kuroo would tell for him. 

 

But while it had been a few months now since they’d made up, Akaashi was loath to ruin what they’d only just regained. Bokuto had promised not to run again, but he had no idea about this. Not one. 

 

He and Bokuto were closer than ever maybe and Akaashi wasn’t sure he’d survive another serious separation. 

 

It was all down to fear once more. And Akaashi feared more than anything that he’d never be able to overcome it.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


When the next training camp came Akaashi got a front row seat to both a first year coming into his own and soulmates really coming together. When Bokuto had finally managed to lure a member of Karasuno off to join them for blocking practice Akaashi had been skeptical. Tsukishima was extremely standoffish and hid what he was thinking quite well. 

 

It took awhile for Akaashi to come around. He honestly reminded Akaashi a bit of how he had been before he came to Fukurodani. But Akaashi didn’t understand why Tsukishima acted like he was all alone when he’d known his soulmate since he was a young kid. It wasn’t much in the way of his business though. 

 

Watching Yamaguchi pull him up by his bootstraps and set him on the right path was a thing to watch. It felt like a small miracle to Akaashi. He hoped and wished fervently that he was there for Bokuto like that. 

 

Hearing again about how Bokuto used to hate volleyball gave Akaashi a small glimmer of hope that he had been.

 

Speaking of miracles. 

 

“Teach me your ways Bokuto-senpai!”

 

The way Bokuto had taken Hinata under his wing was both thoroughly unwise and the most adorable thing Akaashi had ever seen. He’d never heard anyone call Bokuto senpai before, even Onaga called him captain or Bokuto-san. The way he seemed to absorb anything that came out of Bokuto’s mouth was incredibly endearing. And dangerous. 

 

Akaashi kind of wanted to take him back to Fukurodani with them so Bokuto could properly mentor him.  

 

But it wasn’t a good idea to try and separate him from his soulmate probably. He was an intense individual who looked like he’d come hunt Hinata down. Akaashi wondered how Kenma dealt with Hinata’s soulmate when they talked. He felt like Kageyama and Kenma wouldn’t be good friends.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Watching Karasuno come together during the last game of the day, on the last day of practices, against them of all teams, was terrifying and inspiring. 

 

As much as Akaashi strived for and wanted the win, he could feel loss creeping up on them. When Bokuto had turned and asked if he could set to him like Kageyama set to Hinata, acid had crept up his throat. He knew he’d never be able to do that. He liked to think he was a good setter, but compared to Kageyama… It made Akaashi wonder if he was good enough to play beside Bokuto for a second. 

 

It didn’t surprise Akaashi in the slightest when their skills were enough to throw Bokuto into a depression. He was shocked that Bokuto had lasted this long through the camps.

 

But this WAS something that Akaashi knew how to handle. It was Onaga’s first time dealing with it during an actual game situation, but he remembered the practice drills Akaashi had run him through and the things Akaashi had told them and they all worked perfectly. 

 

In the end it didn’t only allow Bokuto to get his confidence back enough to score the final point that ensured their victory, it also assured Akaashi that he was indeed needed beside Bokuto. 

 

He was smiling when Bokuto came at him for a double high-five. 

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Akaashi had one goal during the bbq. He needed to find and talk to one Sugawara Koushi.

 

It took awhile to both pin down his location and lose Bokuto in order to talk alone. When he did, he saw him standing on the edge of the crowd talking to the captain of Karasuno. Akaashi made a b-line toward them, not allowing himself to be distracted from his goal again. 

 

He tried his best to not sound as blunt as usual when he addressed the two. “Excuse me, Sawamura-san, Sugawara-san, I was wondering if I could talk to Sugawara-san for a second.”

 

They both looked surprised, Sugawara pointing to himself even, to confirm. When Akaashi nodded he shrugged. “Sure, I don’t see why not. I’m sure Daichi can keep an eye on things without me for a minute.”

 

Akaashi saw Sawamura roll his eyes good naturedly and shake his head as they left, Akaashi leading them to a bench around the corner from the festivities. 

 

When they sat, it was quiet for awhile between them, Akaashi not sure how to begin now that he was so close to his goal. 

 

Eventually Sugawara broke the silence. “So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about? I can’t imagine that I would give very good advice to a vice-captain of such an illustrious team? You seem to have things well in hand.”

 

Akaashi actually pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed before he spoke, Sugawara looking at him with wide and concerned eyes now. “Please, Sugawara-san, I am a year younger than you. I’m just not sure how to phrase my question.”

 

Sugawara smiled a small smile. “Well, if it’s difficult it must be about soulmates. Daichi and I get a lot of questions about it as the captains of a team like ours. It’s best to just spit it out really.”

 

Akaashi thought about which question he wanted answered first, and decided to go with the less invasive one first. “Does working with your soulmate really give people an advantage? And does that mean that your team has the biggest advantage by being made up of all bonded pairs?”

 

Sugawara frowned in thought. “Well… I’m not sure. Really it leads to a lot more drama. When soulmates are in tune they’re really, splendidly in tune. But when they aren’t just perfect it’s different than non-bonded people being out of tune. It’s a mess. Having to coordinate an entire team of possible messes almost makes up for any advantage we would get.” Sugawara let out a small laugh. “I wouldn’t trade it for the world though, now that I’ve had it! When we get everything right and everyone’s in sync it’s like magic.”

 

Akaashi found a small smile crossing his lips at the happiness Sugawara seemed to radiate about his team. It made him think of his own team. Of them coming together in the wake of Bokuto’s aura. Of setting to Bokuto and having him make that final spike today. “I wouldn’t trade my team in for anything either.”

 

Sugawara grinned bright and hit Akaashi on the shoulder. He was surprised how much it hurt, but did his best not to show it. “There you go! Now you get it! It’s like when you work with Bokuto-san.”

 

Akaashi’s eyes widened as his smile faded. He wasn’t sure that Sugawara hadn’t punched him a second time. His voice was a bit panicked when it came out, despite Akaashi’s attempts to swallow it. “What do you mean? We’re not- We’re not soulmates.”

 

Sugarwara’s grin dropped immediately. “Akaashi-kun… I don’t know if you’re trying to hide it, but everyone on my team can tell you’re bonded. Anyone in a soulbond can recognize the signs.”

 

Akaashi had to take a deep breath to keep himself from hyperventilating. “Your- your whole team knows… Sugawara-san. Bokuto-san doesn’t even know.”

 

Sugawara just looked sad now. “I’m sorry Akaashi-kun. I’ll make sure I have a talk with Hinata then, he’s the only one who might say something to Bokuto-san. Maybe Tsukishima. But I’ll make sure I talk to them as soon as we’re done here. Did you have any more questions for me before I leave?”

 

Akaashi huffed out a breath. He needed to calm down. “I did have one, but you don’t have to answer if it’s too invasive. Are all of the soulmates on your team romantic? Does it… Does it change how they relate?”

 

Akaashi yelled the other questions in his head he dared not to ask.  _ Would I want to be this close to Bokuto if it were only friendship? Would Bokuto let me get so close if he only saw me as a friend? Would we be a good team still if I didn’t want to jump him half the time? _

 

Sugawara raised an eyebrow. “Well, let me ask you a question then. Is your bond with Bokuto-san romantic or platonic?”

 

Akaashi fiddled with his fingers. “It’s definitely romantic on my end. But I don’t know how it is for Bokuto-san. Like I said, he doesn't know-”

 

“Doesn't know, right.” Sugawara hummed. “Well, my bond with Daichi is also romantic. I think most of the teams are. It’s hard to tell sometimes. Tanaka thinks his and Ennoshita’s is platonic, but at our age it could well change. I don’t think it matters too much in the end. We’re all soulmates for a reason. If you brought nothing to the relationship it wouldn’t make for much of a bonded pair, right?”

 

Akaashi hadn’t really ever thought of soulmates that way before. It gave him a lot to think about. “There were two senpai I had last year, one that left already and one that was a third year. The younger one fell in love quickly and the older took a lot longer. It caused a huge problem. They worked it out, but it took them a year and dragged the team around with them. I’m worried…”

 

Sugawara’s concerned look was really getting to Akaashi at this point. He wished that Sugawara would stop. “You’re worried that the same thing will happen to Bokuto-san and you when you tell him?” 

 

Akaashi nodded and felt like swallowing his tongue. Sugawara put a hand on Akaashi’s shoulder. “I’ve watched a lot of soulmates become bonded pairs Akaashi. It always, always, goes better when you tell them. The sooner the better. It took Asahi, our ace, awhile to come to terms with him and Nishinoya’s soulbond too. I won’t go into detail. But the faster it’s out in the open the sooner you can start working on being together properly, whatever that looks like for the two of you. Figuring it out and getting it right is one of the best parts of having a partner like that. You’ll always work it out in the end.”

 

Akaashi swallowed and looked down at the bench to avoid Sugawara’s face. Sugawara patted Akaashi on the shoulder twice before removing his hand. Akaashi looked back up into his face and saw that he was smiling again. “If you ever need anything I’ll give you my number. Also! If we’re going to be friends I insist you call me Suga! Us vice-captions need to stick together.”

 

Akaashi managed a small smile as he handed over his phone. “Thank you Suga-san.”

 

Suga rolled his eyes as he handed the phone back. “I suppose that since you still call Bokuto-san, -san that asking you to drop the suffix is a lost cause?”

 

Akaashi put his phone back in his pocket and they both stood to leave. “Of course Suga-san. But you can skip them with me if you’d rather.”

  
  


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Akaashi went straight to Bokuto’s side after they were done talking, distracting Bokuto for a second while he smiled at him before he went back to watching Kuroo try to stuff Kenma with food. Akaashi would have joined, but he was making sure to watch Suga as he navigated the crowd, snagging Hinata and somehow even a scowling Tsukishima. 

 

He kept an eye on them the whole time Suga talked to them, and when Suga was done they both looked over toward him and Bokuto. He watched just long enough to see Hinata’s shocked expression and Tsukishima’s confused frown before he turned away towards Bokuto.

 

Before this year he’d never been a senpai before, really. No one had particularly looked up to him. It left a hollow feeling in his chest to know that he had let them down.

  
  


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While there was no more practice matches tomorrow, all the teams were staying one more night and then leaving early in the morning, since everything had gone so late that day. (Also most of the coaches may have gotten drunk at the bbq)

 

Akaashi wasn’t going to complain, even though he maybe should, because it meant another night with Bokuto wrapped around him. However, even after the quiet snores and heavy breathing of their teammates filled the room, Bokuto hadn’t moved from where he was laid on his back.

 

This was unusual enough that Akaashi rolled over to see what was wrong. He was met with Bokuto’s eyes immediately. They practically glowed in the dark and Akaashi’s heart seemed to skip a beat at being met with them suddenly. 

 

They just looked at each other for a long second before Bokuto spoke up. “Hey, Akaashi? Wanna go on an adventure with me?”

 

Akaashi had to swallow back the love that wanted to come pouring out his throat. “Okay.”

 

Bokuto stood up with the dexterity of a cat. It was impressive. He grabbed his blanket, so Akaashi made sure to grab his on the way out. He was wearing it like a cape around his shoulders, and it made him feel a little silly, but it was a chilly night, and he didn’t want to stop long enough to grab his sweatshirt. 

 

Bokuto actually grabbed his hand as they snuck past the rooms full of other teams and out the doors of the school. Bokuto lead him all the way up to the top of punishment hill. When they got to the top Bokuto spread his blanket down, Akaashi was quick to copy. From the very top they could see the sky open up over the school. 

 

Akaashi had his hands over his stomach, for once just resting as the warm silence fell over them. Bokuto reached over and gently tugged one of his hands away from the other to bring to the middle so he could rest his own hand over it. 

 

Akaashi was struck once again by the fact that Bokuto’s big warm hands were actually a bit smaller than his, despite his slight height advantage. When Akaashi chanced a glance over at Bokuto he looked a little nervous, but content. When Akaashi smiled at him he relaxed and squeezed Akaashi’s hand. 

 

Akaashi wasn’t sure he’d ever been happier really.

 

When Akaashi shivered a little Bokuto sat up. “Here come on my blanket, then you can cover up with yours Akaashi.”

 

Akaashi’s ears were much warmer than his body as he complied, scooching over to sit close to Bokuto, who instantly wrapped his arm around him and rubbed Akaashi’s arm as he pulled his blanket over them. When they laid back down Akaashi had his head on Bokuto’s chest and could hear his heart beating under his ear.

 

Akaashi was starting to doze off when Bokuto saw it. “Hey Akaashi! I think I just saw a shooting star!” 

 

Akaashi smiled into Bokuto’s shirt. “Make a wish Bokuto-san. They always come true when it’s on a star.”

 

Akaashi felt Bokuto hum while he thought of one.

 

When Bokuto suddenly went absolutely quiet and still Akaashi tilted his head back to look at him. His eyes were closed, and he looked like he was in pain. 

 

Akaashi quickly put his elbow under him so he could get a better look at Bokuto. “Are you okay Bokuto-san? What did you wish for?”

 

Bokuto opened his eyes and Akaashi could see from how close he was that they had filled with tears. “Bokuto-san?”

 

Bokuto drew in a shaky breath and reached out to put his hand on Akaashi’s cheek. “I wished that we were soulmates Akaashi. ‘Cause I can’t imagine loving someone more than you. I don’t think I want a soulmate if it’s not you.”

 

Akaashi’s eyes widened and filled with tears against his will. Bokuto caught the first few with his thumb, but they just kept coming. 

 

Eventually Bokuto spoke up with a quiet, “‘Kaashi?”

 

Akaashi couldn’t take looking at him anymore. This man that he loved so much. He sat up all the way and turned around just as the first sob burst up from his throat. Bokuto was quick to follow him, wrapping his arms around Akaashi’s waist and setting his forehead on Akaashi’s hunched back as he cried into his hands. It reminded Akaashi instantly of that first time he’d helped Bokuto with a depression episode after a game and the sobs came harder.

 

He could have told Bokuto back then. Or when Bokuto had returned the favor. Or at either of their houses. So many times. He’d pushed Bokuto away so much. But Bokuto kept coming back. And now he loved him against all odds. He didn’t know, and loved him anyway. 

 

Bokuto let him cry for a few minutes before he spoke up in a whisper against Akaashi’s back. “‘Kaashi. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong. Do you- do you not like me back?”

 

Akaashi tried his best to choke back his tears and turned around, tucking his legs underneath him so as to remove that last shield from Bokuto. Bokuto moved back to let him turn. When Akaashi was facing him again he still couldn’t look him in the eye, instead his gaze straying down to Bokuto’s shirt instead. He was still crying and it hurt to have Bokuto see him like this, but not as much as pulling the words up his throat and out his mouth did. “I don’t deserve your love Bokuto-san. I’ve hid something from you for a long time, because I was afraid. But it’s no excuse! Not anymore. Bokuto-san... “

 

Bokuto cut Akaashi off to tilt his face back up to meet his, leaning forward to make sure Akaashi couldn’t avoid his eyes. “Whatever it is Akaashi I don’t care. As long as you love me back, I don’t care. It’s not about deserving, it’s about what I feel. Do you really think I wasn’t terrified to tell you?”

 

Akaashi smacked away Bokuto’s hand as more tears came pouring out. “You don’t understand Bokuto-san! We’ve been soulmate’s this whole time! I wasn’t born with my colors! I woke up in the nurse's office with them after you hit me with the volleyball that first day last year!”

 

Bokuto’s eyes widened to fill up what seemed like his whole face, now even paler in the moonlight. He fell back off his knees onto the blanket behind him. Bokuto managed a quiet, mangled “What, Akaashi-”

 

Akaashi angrily scrubbed at his face. He didn’t deserve to cry either. He deserved every bad thing he got from now on. Any consequences of waiting this long. “At first I didn’t know you were colorblind. I just thought it was one sided. I was- I was devastated, even if I didn’t realize it then. But I’d tried to come to terms with it, keeping away from you, when Kuroo let it slip. But it just scared me more! To never know if it’s on both sides or not?! I knew you’d accept it if I told you and I wanted to tell you so badly! But I couldn’t! I just couldn’t! Because I couldn’t trap you like that! But I couldn’t let go because I’m so in love with you Bokuto! Those weeks without you almost killed me, I can’t- I can’t lose you. But I don’t deserve you after I waited so long! Kept it from you for so long!”

 

Bokuto looked at Akaashi in disbelief through his whole rant. When it finally wound down Bokuto got a hard look in his eyes, that through his tears Akaashi mistook for a look of anger, when it was really a look of determination. Bokuto surged forward and wrapped his arms around Akaashi as hard as he could. Trapping Akaashi’s arms under his. 

 

Akaashi wanted to resist, but after two half-hearted attempts he stopped trying and put his forehead on Bokuto’s shoulder, his hands clinging to the edge of Bokuto's shirt. 

 

When Akaashi was still in his arm’s Bokuto spoke up. “When I first saw you Akaashi I thought you were the most beautiful person I’d ever met. I wanted to get close to you more than anything. Kuroo kept teasing me, but I was determined. When you helped me and tossed for me I felt more special than anyone on the planet, because you were there for me. I didn’t realize I’d fallen in love until Nationals. How much I wanted you to be my soulmate. How much I wanted you to have kissed me right there in that stadium. It scared me because I’d been raised to believe that I’m only suppose to love my soulmate. It took all those weeks for me to realize that I wanted  _ you _ more than a soulmate. We had to go back to being friends at least before I could tell you, but I’ve been trying to confess ever since. Kuroo told me about the view. I wanted to share it with you and tell you. I don’t want you to be upset. I’m  _ happy  _ we’re soulmates! Even if it took awhile to get here.”

 

When Akaashi moved his hands to Bokuto’s stomach and pushed away Bokuto let him go. Akaashi didn’t go far though, he just needed to see Bokuto’s face. He couldn’t believe what Bokuto was saying, but every line of his face was soft, even if he wasn’t smiling. 

 

While he searched, the advice that everyone had given him ran through his head. 

 

_ Bo’s been waiting his whole life for his soulmate to reveal themselves and you’re not going to tell him because you think that it’s not real?  _

 

_ It’d be strange if he went anywhere now. _

 

_ You know you can lean on people right? That you can- that you can lean on me?  _

 

_ you two have gotten to know each other like soulmates anyway. _

 

_ You need to figure out what matters the most to you and go after that before you lose everything. _

 

_ They aren’t MORE destined for eachother than other pairs, just, different, I suppose.There’s something about them.  _

 

_ It’s clear just from the couple times I’ve seen you and Bokuto-kun together that he cares for you very much. _

 

_ I’m not sure it’s really about worthy. _

 

_ If you brought nothing to the relationship it wouldn’t make for much of a bonded pair. _

 

Akaashi’s voice was hoarse from crying. “I’m going to kiss you now Bokuto-san.”

 

Bokuto barely had time to process the words before Akaashi was leaning in, connecting their mouths. Finally closing the last centimeter between them. 

 

Bokuto was enthusiastic in his response, moving a hand up into Akaashi’s hair to pull him closer. Akaashi trailed his hands up the back of Bokuto’s shirt.

 

When they pulled back they were both panting for breath. Bokuto was the first to get his back. “I’m so happy Akaashi. I’m going to kiss you all the time now, you know.”

 

Akaashi smiled and removed his hands from the back of Bokuto’s shirt to his chest. Akaashi moved in to give him another quick kiss before pulling back. 

 

When Bokuto was distracted he pushed him back onto his back on the blankets. 

 

Bokuto gave a loud yelp but settled down when Akaashi settled himself over him. “I’m counting on it Bokuto-san.”

 

Bokuto pouted for a second, until Akaashi finally gave in to what he always wants to do when Bokuto pouts and leaned up to nibble on his lower lip. 

 

It took awhile to seperate but when they did Bokuto was quick to voice his complaint. “Akaashi~ If we’re bonded you can use my name you know. Or at least not use -san!”

 

Akaashi laid back down on Bokuto’s chest and thought about it. “Koutaro. Are you going to call me Keiji then?”

 

When there was no response from Bokuto for a long time. Akaashi raised himself up to look at his face again. Bokuto’s face was bright red, his eyes popping out. Akaashi wasn’t sure he was breathing. Akaashi had to laugh at the sight. “Maybe only when we’re alone then.”

 

Bokuto blinked a few times and turned to face Akaashi better. Akaashi put his hand on Bokuto’s cheek. “You’re an idiot. I love you though, Koutaro.”

 

Bokuto’s whole face split into a grin. “I love you too, Keiji!”

 

Akaashi’s ear’s burned against his will. 

 

Now, he was sure he’d never been happier.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  
  


Akaashi was doubting his sanity for falling for such an idiot though, when they walked into breakfast the next morning. 

 

They’d come in holding hands, so already several eyes were on them, but as soon as they walked in the doors Bokuto grabbed the nearest chair and spun it so he could climb onto it. Akaashi dropped Bokuto’s hand like it was on fire and covered his face with his own instead. He could tell already this wasn’t going to be good. 

 

“Fellow volleyball people! I have an announcement to make!”

 

Bokuto’s voice was loud, and carried well through the cafeteria, so that it wasn’t long until they had everyone’s attention. Akaashi couldn’t help peeking out through his fingers. He could already see Kuroo losing it on the other side of the cafeteria.

 

“I, Bokuto Koutaro, have a soulmate! And it’s Akaashi Keiji! The best person in the whole world!”

 

Akaashi looked up out of his hand when Bokuto was actually met with applause. Akaashi couldn’t help staring around in disbelief. 

 

Bokuto jumped down off the chair and grabbed Akaashi’s hands. “I love him a whole lot!”

 

Akaashi stared into his eyes as he said it and was not moved whatsoever. No. He was adamantly embarrassed by Bokuto’s over the top display. It did absolutely nothing for his apparent possessive streak. Nope.

 

A voice that Akaashi absolutely recognized as Kuroo’s shouted “You two should kiss!” 

 

Akaashi looked away from Bokuto to the crowd, seeing how happy everyone on the team looked for them, and then how even Suga at the Karasuno table was nodding at him. He sought out Tsukki and Hinata and saw they were still clapping. He could hardly believe it. He sighed and rolled his eyes, but leaned in and up to kiss the grin off Bokuto’s face. 

 

Several wolf whistles rang out before the coaches even thought to break up the disturbance. And when Akaashi eventually pulled back he even smiled at Bokuto, despite his antics.

 

At least this was one way to break it to everyone.

 


End file.
